To really dislike when friends invite other friends…

[AnnieApple123]

Y’know when you make plans with a friend and right beforehand they suddenly announce that, ‘Oh by the way, I’ve invited Blah Blah along too!’ Completely changing the dynamic.

Do others dislike this too? Or do most of you genuinely take a ‘more the merrier’ approach?

I hate it too and would back out at this point.

I despise it.

I only shine in one-on-one situations. Just not a group player.

'It’s bloody rude, it’s like your company is not enough.'

This ^ It's like they're saying "oh I'm a bit bored with you so I've brought (insert name) to liven things up abit."

What I hate even more is getting invited round for dinner by a friend - no mention of other attendees- and then turning up to a dinner party/group of people I had no idea would be there. This happens a lot... is it a thing?

I think you the ‘I’d cancel’ people are way too closed off and small-minded.

It’s disappointing, sure - but don’t you want to see your friend anyway?

Depends - if I know them then generally no problem. For example, if I was going for a coffee with a mum in DD’s class and she suggested bringing one of the other mums I knew and got along with then great, the more the merrier. If it’s someone I don’t know then I’d rather be asked if it was ok. I am part of a small friendship group of mums from nursery years. Their kids went to one school and mine went to another, and we still met up every month or two. They started adding a friend or two from their school social group and I hated it. I didn’t know them, had nothing in common with them, and they had no interest in me either. Luckily, as time has gone on most of them have faded away and we’re pretty much back to the core group.

I think it depends. I’ve a close friend who is a poor judge of character and thinks everyone is lovely (when they are not) has several other friends I cannot stand. And whenever I say “shall we do this” it’s always “oh I’ll see if Jane is free” and I’m often having to politely remind her I’d rather pull my fingernails out with rusty pliers than see Jane and I suspect the feeling is mutual.

However I’ve got friends who are much better at thinking oh I should introduce So and So to Debbie they both like crocheting Harry Potter characters or whatever, and inviting them along to things. I don’t mind that.

I really hate it.
I have a friend who would do this. You would arrange a meet up just the two of you and then a day or two before she would say oh I’ve invited (insert one of her other friends who I either don’t know at all or have only met fleetingly). I have then gone along and found myself walking behind the two of them for most of the walk whist they chatted on a pathway only large enough for 2 people side by side. Was awful and I wondered why - wasn’t I good enough? I found it really rude. It happened a few times. Don’t meet with her anymore now because I just don’t want that happening again.

I loved it when younger and my motto was always the more the merrier.

But now mid to late 50’s I hate this as it really changes the dynamics. I have a friend who always often invites me or others along to something i.e. the cinema, for drinks, to a meal etc and she often either forgets to mention this or only mentions it a few minutes before the meeting or as you turn up or as so and so turns up. I have asked her not to do this to me and to others but she doesn’t get the message. She has caused some very awkward and embarrassing situations over the years.

Depends on the circumstances. Many of my friends are friends purely because they were the extra invitee to something.

Hate it! My best friend invited me round for wine last week then announced her school mum friend was going to. Was awful.

For me it depends on the situation. If its a group setting already and someone asks in advance to bring someone new, most of the time its fine and can be a good opportunity to meet someone new.
But I dont like it when its a small group because it really changes the dynamic.
It also depends on how often this happens, if its only sometimes its fine, but I dont want it all the time.

YANBU. If a friend invites me to catch up on a one to one basis I wouldn’t appreciate her bringing along an extra. It completely disrupts the balance. In fact, I wouldn’t go.

I have no problem joining a group of people, provided I’m invited to join a group in the first place

It's simply not the same if you're meeting a friend and suddenly find that you can't talk about what you planned because some random is there who doesn't know the background or who you're not comfortable talking about it in front of. Or worse, your friend and the randomer spend most of the time talking about people you don't know or an event you weren't at, and you feel like a third wheel.

If this is regularly happening it’s probably because you’ve got no craic

I'd hate it too.

Depends if the extra person can be a potentially useful asset

I'd hate it but not cancel and try to be open but generally if I'm meeting friends it's because I want to see them, not other randoms.

Perhaps it isn't? I'm a more the merrier person but when it comes to my best friends I wouldn't dream of it. So maybe it's the op??

Yes, yes, yes. Mn posters constantly equate introversion with shyness, social anxiety or a general disinclination to socialise, and extroversion with confidence and sociability, when it’s nothing of the kind. You will not necessarily be able to tell an introvert from an extrovert in a social situation.

OP, I would describe myself as a sociable introvert — I love being around other people, but I need a lot of solitude — and for me, the (slight) risk of an occasion being less fun with new faces is worth it for the possibility of making new friends via existing ones. I went to a party with a friend last week (which I know isn’t quite the same)and came away with the phone numbers of two people I liked, and am going to contact in the new year.

I loathe it when people do this for small group arrangements. I think it's fine to throw your completely different friendship groups together at a large event, like a birthday party or wedding, as people can either stick to socialising with people they know well or branch out if they want.

For a small thing, however, it's crap. The usual scenario is that just you and friend A planed to get drinks and now they've invited X. X is usually someone who you either don't know at all / or don't know well because you've only met them once or twice friend A's events and only ever spoken to them out of politeness towards A.

It just completely kills the dynamic and ruins the evening when this happens, because you are not going to be able to talk freely and be yourself in front of someone who you either don't know, or vaguely know, and have no desire to get to know better.

I cancelled on a friend earlier this year because of this. I was going to drive to see her and catch up for the first time since Covid (so 2 years + since we were able to properly catch up) and the morning of, she messages to say that some relatives of hers, who I have never met, will now also be at her place and we can all have a meal together.

I was honest, and said that visiting in those circumstances would defeat the point of the trip for me (to catch up with her) so I would prefer to do it another time. She understood, and we caught up later in the year.

I think the only way to stop this happening, is to not grit your teeth and endure it, as if the friend who is doing it is more extroverted than you are, they are not going to have a clue that it's problematic for you unless you tell them.

It's very unlikely that people are being deliberately thoughtless when they invite randoms. Most likely, it's because they personally have no issue with suddenly having to make conversation with a total/near stranger, so they will need reminding if it's something that you personally hate to do!

I love meeting new people.
But my experience of more the merrier types is that they have a poor understanding of social dynamics and their approach often leads to a stilted evening where people make small talk, rather than having a really fun time.

I know I have friends where it just would not work at all if they were put together for a social evening.

Generally dislike. I agree it changes the dynamic, and it's especially annoying if your time is precious and you've especially wanted to see them and have a good catch up

I think if you are going out 1 on 1 it's rude to invite someone else along the other person doesn't know. But I think If a big group,as long as its not for eg an annual gathering or for someone's birthday then the more the merrier

I always cancelled plans if I'd specifically made plans with friends and unexpected extra guests were invited.

I have one friend that couldn't help but include every single person. After I'd cancelled a few times and rearranged to see her again I think the penny dropped.

Frustrating, but having XYZ that I've said hello to a year ago, really does change the dynamic.