Or is this the most obnoxious thing people do on MN?

[Furdinand]

"What did he say when you told him to fuck off"

"What did she say when you sent her home?"

When the OP clearly has said nothing of the sort and had come to MN to ask opinions on what she should say or do or if she was even being unreasonable to be upset in the first place.

It's such a weird thing to say, you'd never say it in real life because you'd sound like you hadn't followed the basics of the story before creating a second half!

Snide and ignorant of the fact that much abuse ramps up or begins after the woman becomes pregnant. Not to mention that lots of women aren't actually psychic and have no idea that their perfectly reasonable husband will do fuck all once he got used to the woman doing everything on Matleave

They asked if English was my first language 😭

Yes! I hate this and you're right, it is obnoxious! I was trying to explain it to my husband because he did the same to me the other day ('what did they say when you asked them...'.) It really wound me up because I went to him for advice, precisely because I wasn't comfortable confronting someone.

Exactly this. Like the person is saying 'I'm more adult than you because I confront people if I'm not happy'. Not everyone has the mental resilience and fortitude to just do this, that's why they use a chat forum first, to get support and advice before deciding what to do. Or even just to feel a bit better.

I disagree. It speeds up a thread massively.

I disagree. It speeds up a thread massively.

How does making a less direct snide remark 'speed up a thread' vs a more E direct comment?

Gosh I wholeheartedly agree and thought I was the only person who felt like this. It REALLY irritates me.

They think they’re being smart, little do they realise they’re only showing themselves to have the tiniest emotional range imaginable. It’s embarrassing.

YANBU. Ignore them.

This, exactly. The OPs in these cases are often just looking for a comfortable place to open up and gather thoughts.

I don’t mean the snide ones. But sometimes asking an OP what happened when she confronted the person (for example) does help.

I don’t do it myself but I disagree that it’s usually meant maliciously.

I think one of the most unpleasant seasonal things is people, who clearly are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and unappreciated, being told off for being Christmas martyrs. It’s so nasty and unsupportive.

Posting

Why didn't you tell him to fuck off?
I would have asked her to leave.

Has the same effect but you sound less like a dick.

Yes or creating a whole backstop that doesn't exist. Quoting things the op never said and are rebuffed when you said they didn't happen.

I think it all depends on the first few reply posts whether you will get a kick in or suppport.

From experience you will get a good kicking either way from some people whatever you post. 95% of the posters on MN never make mistakes and are perfect.

It's clearly passive aggressive. Not even trying to be helpful. It's like when an op clearly has some trauma/mh issues which complicate their issue and people just dismiss any concern with 'go get therapy' as if the op hadn't already thought of it. Never acknowledging that therapy isn't a magic cute and is insanely expensive and unaffordable for most people.

I'm sorry - I was getting confused with my other pet peeve, which is when people act like the singular 'they' never existed before very recent (i.e. prounon-conscious) history. Though saying that, some people genuinely don't seem to be aware of it - when I was pregnant, I used to call my unborn child 'they' rather than 'it', and people thought I was expecting twins!

It gets top marks for concision, though.

My worst thing is when posters start with the old "if the sexes were reversed..." silly derailment.

"It's such a weird thing to say, you'd never say it in real life"

That's because Mumsnet and real life are poles apart.

No, I totally agree the singular 'they' is nothing new. I just think it's weird when people talk about pronouns as they've only recently been invented specifically in order to clarify gender identity.

A pronoun is simply a part of speech like a noun, verb, conjunction, etc., so saying you're "not using 'they' as a pronoun" doesn't make any sense.

Amen