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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting to be around partners daughter and boyfriend.

123 replies

MM1972 · 26/12/2022 18:56

Last summer there was an altercation in our house that I share with my partner our three young children. My partners daughter had moved out and cut off all contact for several months (because she made an ultimatum for my partner to choose me or her).
The daughter then started a new relationship and moved back in so she could bring her boyfriend around for sleepovers at weekends. Before I knew it the daughter and her boyfriend had moved in full time - rent free. The boyfriend would typically walk about the house in his underpants and would let their dog (a small terrier) out to the garden to do its business and not clean up.
Things came to a head when they bought a husky pup back to live with us. I asked where they were intending to keep it and was physically pushed by the daughter and threatened by the boyfriend. I was given 5 seconds to leave the kitchen 'or else' then threatened with the boyfriends grandfather, (a paramilitary I believe).
I believed I was justified in querying about the dog as they did not clean up after the other one, nor exercise it and the husky was going to be much larger and potentially could do serious damage to one of the younger children.
As soon as I was threatened, I stated 'you've threatened me and i'm phoning the police'.
As I was phoning the police the daughter called them too. However she made me to the the aggressor and stated I was going nuts and had weapons.
Two lots of police arrived, normal community police and an armed response unit - basically a swat team.
Thankfully after hearing both sides of the altercation the police took the daughter and boyfriend and their dogs away.
I thought that would be that but several days later the daughter and boyfriend came back 'just for a few days' as they had overstayed their welcome with my partner's ex. The dogs caused issues there too.
I stayed away and it was thankfully just a few days until they got their own flat. However a few weeks later I got a court summons with the daughter seeking a non molestation order against me.
The order was not awarded. But I feel completely uneasy when they come to visit now. Its as if to them nothing has happened.

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 26/12/2022 23:36

*sorry I meant, letting thwm in to YOUR house on Boxing Day is off

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:36

That is how I felt. Threatened and abused and then threatened with arrest and further threatened with the non molestation order.

So why do you now confidently think your children won't be affected or put at emotional, physical or other risk by this couple? To the extent they have a key to your children's home?!

GrazingSheep · 26/12/2022 23:37

Your poor kids. Feel very sorry for them.

DampSquids · 26/12/2022 23:38

Four weeks ago, you were living in a house that you bought.

Now you’re saving you’re living in a rented apartment that you’re not on the lease of?

If it’s your house, have the daughter removed. And think about chunking your girlfriend/boyfriend out At the same time- s/he is useless.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2022 23:39

WTAF

Crumpleton · 26/12/2022 23:40

OP it's irrelevant what sex your DP is, your question was about not wanting to be around your DP daughter and her boyfriend.

The only fool proof ways of you not being around them is if your DP bans them from the house forever or you remove yourself from the house.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:51

Crumpleton · 26/12/2022 23:40

OP it's irrelevant what sex your DP is, your question was about not wanting to be around your DP daughter and her boyfriend.

The only fool proof ways of you not being around them is if your DP bans them from the house forever or you remove yourself from the house.

My partner won't ban them from the house and is willing to forget that the boyfriend falsely accused both of us of threatening him because he is keeping the daughter happy.
If I buy another house its likely to at least be further away so they can't visit so often and I can insist they don't have a key.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:54

If I buy another house its likely to at least be further away so they can't visit so often and I can insist they don't have a key.

Why can't you insist that now and let him know upfront it's a dealbreaker?

He said pursuing a non mol against her was a dealbreaker and you accepted it despite the risk they pose your children's emotional welfare, worst case scenario physical welfare, and stability of home life?

Why don't you have equal right to dealbreakers in the relationship? Why do your boundaries mean less?

Stomacharmeleon · 27/12/2022 00:03

I predict a deletion....

Crumpleton · 27/12/2022 00:08

OP ultimately only you can decide what to do but life isn't a dress rehearsal...
You deserve better than being treated like shite from your DP's DD and her fella and your DC deserve better than to grow up around seeing you in those circumstances.

Frazzledmummy123 · 27/12/2022 00:15

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:54

If I buy another house its likely to at least be further away so they can't visit so often and I can insist they don't have a key.

Why can't you insist that now and let him know upfront it's a dealbreaker?

He said pursuing a non mol against her was a dealbreaker and you accepted it despite the risk they pose your children's emotional welfare, worst case scenario physical welfare, and stability of home life?

Why don't you have equal right to dealbreakers in the relationship? Why do your boundaries mean less?

100% this!

Original poster
MM1972 · 27/12/2022 00:16

Stomacharmeleon · 27/12/2022 00:03

I predict a deletion....

Why? Hopefully not.

OP posts:
DampSquids · 27/12/2022 00:20

DampSquids · 26/12/2022 23:38

Four weeks ago, you were living in a house that you bought.

Now you’re saving you’re living in a rented apartment that you’re not on the lease of?

If it’s your house, have the daughter removed. And think about chunking your girlfriend/boyfriend out At the same time- s/he is useless.

Ahem

Original poster
MM1972 · 27/12/2022 00:31

DampSquids · 27/12/2022 00:20

Ahem

Show quote history

I posted a thread a few weeks ago that was about an experience at the beginning of my first long term relationship. It was an incident that actually happened almost 19 years ago. Something that made me feel awful at the time but in hindsight thought it odd and wondered if others thought it odd too. The relationship di not last.

OP posts:
DampSquids · 27/12/2022 00:33

MM1972 · 27/12/2022 00:31

I posted a thread a few weeks ago that was about an experience at the beginning of my first long term relationship. It was an incident that actually happened almost 19 years ago. Something that made me feel awful at the time but in hindsight thought it odd and wondered if others thought it odd too. The relationship di not last.

Show quote history

So 19 years ago, your girlfriend/boyfriend left some lights on and you’re still thinking about it all these years later?

poefaced · 27/12/2022 00:37

I did mention that but was told that would finish our relationship.

Don’t buy a house with this passive, wet lettuce.

They are happy with you being served a non-mol by their dd but not happy for you to serve one to their precious dd.

That should tell that this person does not give a fuck about you.

Leave and find someone who will not standby and watch you get abused.

Original poster
MM1972 · 27/12/2022 00:45

DampSquids · 27/12/2022 00:33

So 19 years ago, your girlfriend/boyfriend left some lights on and you’re still thinking about it all these years later?

Show quote history

Not so much about the waste of electricity. I was just wondering if the subsequent behaviour amounted to gaslighting or something else and was it designed to make me feel bad and be controlling. It was our first evening in our new home together. Although that incident was 19 years ago, I was in that relationship for another 5 years and had plenty of other incidents to think about. Mostly silent treatment that went on for days. A ban on attending a meal after my grandfathers funeral and finally a complete 100% ban on sex.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 27/12/2022 05:50

Lucyccfc68 · 26/12/2022 19:52

Bloody hell, just tell them they are not welcome and your partner needs to go to their house if he wants to see them.

Why? The house is in his name so up to him who comes. If OP doesn't like it she needs to make herself scarce when they visit.

amylou8 · 27/12/2022 06:03

This all sounds very chaotic, and I feel sorry for your young children being caught up in this. She would no longer be welcome in my home and I would expect my partner to support this and see her elsewhere if he wanted to maintain a relationship with her.

saturnisturning · 27/12/2022 11:24

MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:31

I have deliberately not said. I am not sure it matters in the context of the thread.

Show quote history

I really think it does and I’m curious as to why you’re so secretive. If you’re writing a post then why get get cagey when people ask you questions?

are you male or female?

Original poster
MM1972 · 27/12/2022 12:02

saturnisturning · 27/12/2022 11:24

I really think it does and I’m curious as to why you’re so secretive. If you’re writing a post then why get get cagey when people ask you questions?

are you male or female?

Show quote history

I identify as ‘a human being’.

OP posts:
twatmas · 27/12/2022 12:55

You've been caught out. Nice try.

You posted about a house you bought a few weeks ago 😂

Original poster
MM1972 · 27/12/2022 13:53

twatmas · 27/12/2022 12:55

You've been caught out. Nice try.

You posted about a house you bought a few weeks ago 😂

I’ve actually bought two houses in my lifetime. And lived in 4 other properties that were rented in the past few years.

OP posts:
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