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Original poster

Not wanting to be around partners daughter and boyfriend.

123 replies

MM1972 · 26/12/2022 18:56

Last summer there was an altercation in our house that I share with my partner our three young children. My partners daughter had moved out and cut off all contact for several months (because she made an ultimatum for my partner to choose me or her).
The daughter then started a new relationship and moved back in so she could bring her boyfriend around for sleepovers at weekends. Before I knew it the daughter and her boyfriend had moved in full time - rent free. The boyfriend would typically walk about the house in his underpants and would let their dog (a small terrier) out to the garden to do its business and not clean up.
Things came to a head when they bought a husky pup back to live with us. I asked where they were intending to keep it and was physically pushed by the daughter and threatened by the boyfriend. I was given 5 seconds to leave the kitchen 'or else' then threatened with the boyfriends grandfather, (a paramilitary I believe).
I believed I was justified in querying about the dog as they did not clean up after the other one, nor exercise it and the husky was going to be much larger and potentially could do serious damage to one of the younger children.
As soon as I was threatened, I stated 'you've threatened me and i'm phoning the police'.
As I was phoning the police the daughter called them too. However she made me to the the aggressor and stated I was going nuts and had weapons.
Two lots of police arrived, normal community police and an armed response unit - basically a swat team.
Thankfully after hearing both sides of the altercation the police took the daughter and boyfriend and their dogs away.
I thought that would be that but several days later the daughter and boyfriend came back 'just for a few days' as they had overstayed their welcome with my partner's ex. The dogs caused issues there too.
I stayed away and it was thankfully just a few days until they got their own flat. However a few weeks later I got a court summons with the daughter seeking a non molestation order against me.
The order was not awarded. But I feel completely uneasy when they come to visit now. Its as if to them nothing has happened.

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 26/12/2022 22:54

Sorry OP.just seen it was last summer...

In all honesty both you and your DP really need to step up and realise what kind environment you're letting the younger DC grow up around.
Having MH issues isn't an excuse to behave like your partners older DD is.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 22:56

Crumpleton · 26/12/2022 22:54

Sorry OP.just seen it was last summer...

In all honesty both you and your DP really need to step up and realise what kind environment you're letting the younger DC grow up around.
Having MH issues isn't an excuse to behave like your partners older DD is.

Sorry what are MH issues?

OP posts:
UnfinishedUserna · 26/12/2022 22:58

Is your partner the children mother or father? I'm confused

OriginalUsername2 · 26/12/2022 22:59

All sounds like a big no from me. I’d remove myself from their lives and move on.

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:04

Its only me that has an issue with the daughter. Although my partner agrees the daughter is a user. The younger kids are excited that they'll be aunts and uncles. I'd be the biggest control freak if I tried to stop them seeing their big sister or new niece.

It's not their job to safeguard themselves though, it's yours.

Loads of kids would choose to stay in situations that aren't in their best interests in either the short or long term.

You felt strongly enough about the risk she posed that you floated the idea of a non mol against her yourself but didn't go through with it because your partner said he'd leave you if you did. You chose the relationship over the risk to you and therefore your children.

Her partner made a direct physical threat to you but has access to your home via a key his partner has and can use freely. The home your kids live in.

Stomacharmeleon · 26/12/2022 23:07

Sounds like a cross between shameless and Eastenders.
You are not protecting your children.
You should not have to leave the house on Boxing Day because your partner is useless... and he is useless as he could go and visit her and the pant wearing boyfriend.
She has shown her cards to you and this won't get better and she is acting like the husky and pissing all over your gaff territorially.
Take back control and put some boundaries in.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:08

UnfinishedUserna · 26/12/2022 22:58

Is your partner the children mother or father? I'm confused

Why does this matter? Perhaps we are both mothers.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 26/12/2022 23:09

You need to take back the key from the DD and advise your DP that the DD is not welcome into your home, so their contact needs to take place elsewhere. For the sake of yours and your DC safety. It's completely warped that you are leaving your house each time the DD and her partner come round; the only person that affects is you.

If your DP is unwilling to meet their DD away from your home, I'd walk away from this relationship.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:14

Stomacharmeleon · 26/12/2022 23:07

Sounds like a cross between shameless and Eastenders.
You are not protecting your children.
You should not have to leave the house on Boxing Day because your partner is useless... and he is useless as he could go and visit her and the pant wearing boyfriend.
She has shown her cards to you and this won't get better and she is acting like the husky and pissing all over your gaff territorially.
Take back control and put some boundaries in.

Its not my house though. If we ever do get another house it will likely be one that I have bought as the daughter has destroyed my partners credit.
Maybe i'll put my foot down then. Or maybe i'll have moved on.
Regarding being like a soap opera, I once posted here about the daughters treatment of her pets which caused so much outrage that the thread was deleted and my previous username banned.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 26/12/2022 23:14

I agree she needs to give the key back. Or change the locks.

CJsGoldfish · 26/12/2022 23:14

Calling the police over what you later call just 'one argument' seems overly dramatic. Especially when your DP was there and would hopefully intervene if the one argument went too far. Makes me wonder how much embellishment is going on. lol

Are you really that much of a doormat?

Surely the solution is simply that your DP visits in their place as has been suggested. No more enabling them to just 'turn up'. DP takes control of the 'visiting'. 🤷‍♀️

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:14

They witnessed one argument. What do they need protecting from now?

This couple, who also made official accusations against you to the police... hey have a key to your home

I asked where they were intending to keep it and was physically pushed by the daughter and threatened by the boyfriend. I was given 5 seconds to leave the kitchen 'or else' then threatened with the boyfriends grandfather, (a paramilitary I believe).

Physical assault.
Verbal abuse.
Risk of having you arrested.
Threat of assault at best and murder at worst.
Lack of remorse.
Ongoing disrespect to you so risk of it happening again.

Yet no threat to your kids emotionally, verbally or physically due to the fact that 'only one of them witnessed the assault and was upset as a result'?

Goodness me.

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:15

yet have a key to your home, that was meant to say.

Stomacharmeleon · 26/12/2022 23:17

But you are in a long term relationship with three mutual children.
So the fact you are in a relatively new smaller property (not in your name regardless of your male/ female's less than wonderful credit rating) is academic.
Does that mean you no longer have the right to peaceful existence?
I get the impression you are just being obtuse and the fact you are banned (?) tells me all I need to know.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:23

Stomacharmeleon · 26/12/2022 23:17

But you are in a long term relationship with three mutual children.
So the fact you are in a relatively new smaller property (not in your name regardless of your male/ female's less than wonderful credit rating) is academic.
Does that mean you no longer have the right to peaceful existence?
I get the impression you are just being obtuse and the fact you are banned (?) tells me all I need to know.

The previous account was banned as it was my first post and it was about mistreatment / abandonment of pets.
I will say that thread exposed a lot of misandry on the forum, which was I believe the real reason it was pulled.

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 26/12/2022 23:23

MM1972 · 26/12/2022 20:18

I did mention that but was told that would finish our relationship.

Show quote history

So your partner was quite happy for his daughter to apply for one against you but not the other way around? Did I get that right?

RampantIvy · 26/12/2022 23:24

Is the partner the biological parent of your three children @MM1972?

saturnisturning · 26/12/2022 23:25

Are you make or female OP?

saturnisturning · 26/12/2022 23:25

male*

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:27

Frazzledmummy123 · 26/12/2022 23:23

So your partner was quite happy for his daughter to apply for one against you but not the other way around? Did I get that right?

Show quote history

No they were not happy that their daughter applied for the non molestation order and were prepared to contradict everything the daughter had falsely claimed.
We both thought it was done immediately in the aftermath of being evicted by the police because they were embarrassed to get one over on me.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 26/12/2022 23:27

You are in complete denial if you think this whole mess isnt affecting the children.

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:31

saturnisturning · 26/12/2022 23:25

Are you make or female OP?

I have deliberately not said. I am not sure it matters in the context of the thread.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 26/12/2022 23:32

I think you need a proper conversation about life going forward.

Is you dp expecting you to leave each time their dd comes round. You cannot be expected to stay as she requested a non mol (that is not in the past, it's how she feels about you)

So either you go out or they visit her.

And then you will see how the land lies

Original poster
MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:34

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:14

They witnessed one argument. What do they need protecting from now?

This couple, who also made official accusations against you to the police... hey have a key to your home

I asked where they were intending to keep it and was physically pushed by the daughter and threatened by the boyfriend. I was given 5 seconds to leave the kitchen 'or else' then threatened with the boyfriends grandfather, (a paramilitary I believe).

Physical assault.
Verbal abuse.
Risk of having you arrested.
Threat of assault at best and murder at worst.
Lack of remorse.
Ongoing disrespect to you so risk of it happening again.

Yet no threat to your kids emotionally, verbally or physically due to the fact that 'only one of them witnessed the assault and was upset as a result'?

Goodness me.

That is how I felt. Threatened and abused and then threatened with arrest and further threatened with the non molestation order.
My partner wants me to draw a line over it so they can have a 'normal' relationship with their daughter.

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 26/12/2022 23:35

MM1972 · 26/12/2022 23:27

No they were not happy that their daughter applied for the non molestation order and were prepared to contradict everything the daughter had falsely claimed.
We both thought it was done immediately in the aftermath of being evicted by the police because they were embarrassed to get one over on me.

Show quote history

Right ok, fair enough. However, from reading all your posts, I am not getting the feeling of a loyal partner there. Of course, blood is thicker than water and she is their daughter, but have they ever actually spoke to her about her behaviour? Letting them in for a meal on Boxing Day after everything that has gone down and how they treated you is off, daughter or not.

I think a discussion about boundaries is in order. For your children's sakes, and also as boundaries will be tested even further when the baby arrives. Get them in place now, and start with not letting them have a key. I wouldn't feel safe if I was in your position.

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