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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the court to dismiss the whole case?

93 replies

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:18

I stopped all contact and made a court application over a year ago because my child was coming home with injuries after weekends with dad and after years of abusive behaviour towards me, I wasn’t taking the risk, especially because my child has a disability and is more vulnerable.

The court agreed to stop all contact whilst the case was ongoing so child hasn’t had any contact with dad since. The court asked for a specific letter from dad nearly a year ago at the first hearing and at the last hearing a few months ago ordered dad to go through regular testing and monitoring (because of previous tendencies and allegations that I have made against him) and despite my solicitor chasing him ever since, he has not engaged or responded and these actions still haven’t been completed.

Dad also hasn’t been engaging or responding to any of the other agencies involved.

Based on this information would I be unreasonable to request that the court dismisses the case and basically just let him get on with it? I think it shows a huge lack of respect for everyone else involved when we have completed all of our actions, and also is just a way for him to carry on the control and abuse through the court system by making things difficult and refusing to comply - if someone had genuine reasons surely they would be keeping everyone in the loop and asking for help to get these things completed etc? It also doesn’t show huge promise of him actually sticking to any visitation that he gets given if he can’t even be bothered at this stage.

I just feel like I’ve already wasted a year of my life on this court case and if he can’t be bothered then neither can I, why am I putting myself through all of this for his relationship with his child when he appears to not care and doesn’t make any effort basically?

OP posts:
tickticksnooze · 26/12/2022 12:21

Personally I wouldn't because it could be used against you and held as "evidence" your allegations were false. Much as I appreciate your reasons, our system won't see it your way.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:23

@tickticksnooze I’m sorry to say but I don’t agree - because my solicitor said the court itself will get to a stage where they threaten to dismiss it if he doesn’t start complying - plus I have enough evidence to prove what I’m saying

OP posts:
JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:25

I'd hold your fire. You want the courts to see that he is refusing to engage, and that means letting them see that repeated and reasonable attempts to work with him are being made long term. Let them decide when it's time to say enough is enough.

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2022 12:25

Leave it to the court to dismiss. That way he'll have to justify why he didn't comply the first time. As said if you get it dismissed, it's easier for him the next time around.

katmarie · 26/12/2022 12:25

If you made the court application, what exactly have you applied for? Could you not just withdraw the application and let him take you to court if he wants access? I don't understand why you would ask the court to dismiss your own case.

CremeEggThief · 26/12/2022 12:26

YABU to ask this on here.
Follow the advice of your solicitor. Your qualified legal professional who knows the ins and outs of your case and the law.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:27

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:23

@tickticksnooze I’m sorry to say but I don’t agree - because my solicitor said the court itself will get to a stage where they threaten to dismiss it if he doesn’t start complying - plus I have enough evidence to prove what I’m saying

So let them. Either way you still get the same outcome.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:27

@katmarie I first applied to the court for protection orders for me and my child - which have been granted - but my child’s one had to be done under a C100 which then opens up the can of worms which is child contact arrangements

OP posts:
FOJN · 26/12/2022 12:28

If the court has ordered him to take certain actions and he hasn't then why is your solicitor chasing him? I can understand wanting to encourage a relationship between a child and parent but if your child we was being injured whilst in dad's care then I think I'd be inclined to let his inaction result in the case dying a death.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:28

@JoyBeorge The difference is how long will it take them to dismiss the case and then it’s wasting another year of my life and putting me through another year of anxiety and constantly being on edge and allowing him to abuse the court system?

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:29

@FOJN My solicitor has been chasing him - he doesn’t answer calls, emails or letters - so the judge had a stern word with him at the last hearing - still nothing

OP posts:
bellac11 · 26/12/2022 12:29

Let the proceedings take their course

What was your application for? To cease contact? Then let that be the final outcome, parents often dont engage (in both private and public proceedings) and ultimately the court then makes the decision based on instructions and application.

Let it play out and finalise with whatever orders are appropriate.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/12/2022 12:30

I absolutely understand your wish to do so OP but I would let the court reach their own conclusion. Just hold your nerve.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/12/2022 12:30

I absolutely understand your wish to do so OP but I would let the court reach their own conclusion. Just hold your nerve.

bellac11 · 26/12/2022 12:31

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:28

@JoyBeorge The difference is how long will it take them to dismiss the case and then it’s wasting another year of my life and putting me through another year of anxiety and constantly being on edge and allowing him to abuse the court system?

How is he abusing the court system, its your application not his? He sounds as if he isnt instructing so your solicitor doesnt need to chase at all, its probably what yours is saying as shorthand for 'not hearing from his solicitor'.

Also if he is legal aid funded he will lose his funding certificate if he doesnt instruct and engage.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:32

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:28

@JoyBeorge The difference is how long will it take them to dismiss the case and then it’s wasting another year of my life and putting me through another year of anxiety and constantly being on edge and allowing him to abuse the court system?

Unfortunately that's the system. It is wiser letting the court decide themselves and once you start taking that decision out of their hands you run the risk of him turning the tables on you. If he hasn't responded then he can make out he didn't receive anything. Why is it causing another year of anxiety if you know he isn't responding anyway?

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:33

@bellac11 because it’s a well known tactic for perpetrators of abuse in court proceedings to make things as drawn out and as difficult as possible - he cries in court saying he is desperate to see his child - as soon as he is out the court room he then disappears until the next hearing, thinks he can turn up to hearings whatever time he wants (he has been warned about this before and the judge caught him out in a complete lie). He doesn’t have legal aid or a solicitor and the court has instructed him to do these things so yes they need chasing

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 26/12/2022 12:34

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:25

I'd hold your fire. You want the courts to see that he is refusing to engage, and that means letting them see that repeated and reasonable attempts to work with him are being made long term. Let them decide when it's time to say enough is enough.

I can sense the exasperation coming from your post @NameChangeForThis93, but I'd leave it to the judge to decide when enough is enough, particularly if he's showing such disrespect to the legal profession by not engaging with the process.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:35

@JoyBeorge he has confirmed that he has received these things and when he is asked why he hasn’t completed them then - he literally sits there not knowing what to say. A court case to do with children causes a lot of anxiety, I don’t think you would understand unless you’ve been there

OP posts:
Reugny · 26/12/2022 12:35

The Court isn't interested in your anxiety but in the relationship between your child and the child's father. Also as you are the one who took it to Court you can't accuse your child's father of playing the system.

If letters are being sent out by post and not email as well, then there could be very good reasons why your child father isn't engaging.

Let things play out.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:36

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:29

@FOJN My solicitor has been chasing him - he doesn’t answer calls, emails or letters - so the judge had a stern word with him at the last hearing - still nothing

Them I'm afraid you need to let the judge act on his stern words. I get why you might want to do this (and you're probably going to do it anyway) but you will get a far better official outcome by just letting the court do their job. Get it dismissed now they he can start a new claim against you causing even more anxiety for much longer. It's already reaching a point where the court will decide anyway. Just hold out a little longer.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:37

@Reugny I know that, but clearly he isn’t interested in a relationship with his child otherwise he would be making the effort. They have been sent out by letter and emails - he has confirmed he has received them when the court have asked in hearing etc. and yes he can still play the system even if it wasn’t his application, I think if you understood how abusive people worked in court cases you would get what I’m saying

OP posts:
JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 12:38

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:35

@JoyBeorge he has confirmed that he has received these things and when he is asked why he hasn’t completed them then - he literally sits there not knowing what to say. A court case to do with children causes a lot of anxiety, I don’t think you would understand unless you’ve been there

I have been there. But obviously you know better so I wish you luck.

Original poster
NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:39

@JoyBeorge Yeah I will hold out a bit longer and I’m having a meeting with my solicitor in the new year and obviously get their advice, but to be honest I don’t think he would put in a new application - he has never done before and I think he thought court would be a 2/3 month process and that’s it, I think he didn’t realise how long it takes and now he has got bored if I’m being honest!

OP posts:
bellac11 · 26/12/2022 12:40

NameChangeForThis93 · 26/12/2022 12:33

@bellac11 because it’s a well known tactic for perpetrators of abuse in court proceedings to make things as drawn out and as difficult as possible - he cries in court saying he is desperate to see his child - as soon as he is out the court room he then disappears until the next hearing, thinks he can turn up to hearings whatever time he wants (he has been warned about this before and the judge caught him out in a complete lie). He doesn’t have legal aid or a solicitor and the court has instructed him to do these things so yes they need chasing

Well you didnt say that in your post you made out he wasnt engaging at all.. He is engaging in the hearings but not the other actions. This is common, to both mums and dads across proceedings, let it play out, courts dont go on infinitely and it is your application not his, he didnt bring this to court.

The onus is on him to provide information to the court, whether your solicitor chases that or not, if he doesnt then the court make a decision in the light of that.