To ask the court to dismiss the whole case?

[NameChangeForThis93]

I stopped all contact and made a court application over a year ago because my child was coming home with injuries after weekends with dad and after years of abusive behaviour towards me, I wasn’t taking the risk, especially because my child has a disability and is more vulnerable.

The court agreed to stop all contact whilst the case was ongoing so child hasn’t had any contact with dad since. The court asked for a specific letter from dad nearly a year ago at the first hearing and at the last hearing a few months ago ordered dad to go through regular testing and monitoring (because of previous tendencies and allegations that I have made against him) and despite my solicitor chasing him ever since, he has not engaged or responded and these actions still haven’t been completed.

Dad also hasn’t been engaging or responding to any of the other agencies involved.

Based on this information would I be unreasonable to request that the court dismisses the case and basically just let him get on with it? I think it shows a huge lack of respect for everyone else involved when we have completed all of our actions, and also is just a way for him to carry on the control and abuse through the court system by making things difficult and refusing to comply - if someone had genuine reasons surely they would be keeping everyone in the loop and asking for help to get these things completed etc? It also doesn’t show huge promise of him actually sticking to any visitation that he gets given if he can’t even be bothered at this stage.

I just feel like I’ve already wasted a year of my life on this court case and if he can’t be bothered then neither can I, why am I putting myself through all of this for his relationship with his child when he appears to not care and doesn’t make any effort basically?

In fairness I think if you stopped making unfounded assumptions that we haven't been involved in court cases with children and haven't experienced someone abusing the court system, then you might get what we are saying.

Like I said, good luck. I'm out.

OP I actually do.

You actually want him to do all the crying and wailing plus anything else. The judge will eventually get sick of him and tell him how to behave.

@JoyBeorge if someone had experienced that they wouldn’t be asking why it causes anxiety or how someone abuses the court system… like come on

@JoyBeorge yep you are right on that.

@Reugny yeah I must admit at the first hearing he started throwing his toys out the pram when the judge said no contact… and the judge shut it down quite quickly and made it clear he wasn’t interested in his crocodile tears!

OP you are in danger of coming across as an unreasonable person. A lot of frustration and false assumptions directed at people who only want to help.

@Maximinimalist my point was if people had experienced these things how can they sit there and ask those questions? Because I’m pretty sure they would have felt the same way at some point

Stay the course - and request that if the judge chooses to allow access, this should be done in a contact centre.

What do you stand to gain by requesting the case is dismissed?

If I've understood correctly, your dc is currently protected from visiting abusive father because the court barred them whilst case is ongoing? I assume the court case is to make this permanent? If so why would you stop?
Apologies if I've misunderstood

Judges see parents like him day in, day out. They're not stupid and they're not fooled by his tears. It's better for you to let things take their natural course.

Your solicitor had to chase to prove he's not engaging. One missing letter or email could go missing, several wouldn't. The judge will be aware of everything he has failed to do. You say you can't see him turning it back on you and making his own application but why risk it by trying to stop your own application? If he's not engaging now and is too arrogant to see his mistake, let it blow up in his face.

He’s dragging it out hoping you’ll give up. If you dismiss it that’s very different to the court dismissing it and will go against you in the future if you need to start new proceedings. You’ll come across as flakey. By giving up, he has won. You’ve submitted all your evidence so there’s nothing further to stress about. Just let him continue to ignore and get on with your life. Stopping proceedings won’t stop him being a twat just give him something to use against you.

@LosingTheWill2022 in all likelihood I’ve been told that he will probably get supervised contact and be told to complete certain courses etc - which he has already said he isn’t going to do - so it’s probably never going to move past supervised contact especially given the disability and additional vulnerability of DC. My whole point is this case is about his relationship with his child - not mine - so if he can’t be bothered with it then why should I waste my time on this? I really didn’t expect this from him to be honest, because in the beginning he seemed quite geared up for it and kicking up a fuss - but as time as gone on he is just bored of it all and doesn’t care if he sees DC or not now

You’re coming across as rather argumentative - you’ve asked people’s opinions and seem to be ultra defensive and assumptive about what other posters may or may not have experienced.

You're going to do whatever you’re going to do regardless of advice, but IMO (and seemingly the majority of other posters), I would allow this to play out in court. Let it run it’s course, and the judge can see firsthand that your ex is uncooperative and unresponsive.

I am quite happy to let it play out in court - but it all depends on what judge we have - we have had a judge that was very stern with him, but another one who was sitting there being very sympathetic towards him and criminal conviction he has now got since he stopped seeing DC and who was listening to all of his excuses etc - so it’s really hit and miss with luck of what judge we get and how they see things and what they think is acceptable!

Leave it to court to dismiss it because then it is truly done.

Dismiss it yourself and it could bite you in the arse at any time - and that really IS stress inducing.

Trust your solicitor on this. And also, if you know what you want to do anyway, just do it - there's no point asking for advice that you have already decided not to take.

@ChristmasFluff i haven’t actually decided on anything but thank you for making that assumption plus the court would have to agree to dismiss it in the first place - so it would be their decision. You can’t just withdraw the case without the judge saying yes

@NameChangeForThis93 thanks for your reply but I'm still confused.
If the judge agreed to dismiss the case wouldn't that leave your ex free to unsupervised visits?

NameChange - it’s definitely in your interest to hang on in there, as, in part of the final hearing, you can request that the court can make an order that your ex will only be allowed to make applications to court if they have permission from the court to do so.

It isn’t frequently used but can be a useful tool to manage ex partners attempting to continue their abuse through the court system.

additionally, by hanging on and getting the final child arrangements order, you and your child are protected long term.

OP people have a right to a fair trial regardless of the Court it is in, so the judge has to listen to your child's father excuses to make it hard for your child's father to appeal.

It doesn't mean the judge thinks your child father's excuses are reasonable.

They will also have seen parents change their attitudes once the case has come to Court.

@LosingTheWill2022 no so what I would do is keep it as no contact and then if he wanted to make an application for access he could (I don’t think he would anyway after all of this the past year) and because social services and CAFCASS have both said contact is unsafe it couldn’t be used against me in court because I’m following professionals advice - hope that makes more sense, apologises!

You have a solicitor
who will presumably know all the detail
as well as… the law

so why ask mumsnet?

It isn’t clear what outcome you want. You say he is disinterested in having a relationship with your DC and it appears you would rather he not have a rights to see your DC.

You expected him to make a fuss but he isn’t.

What do you want?

@CaptainMorgansMistress I had no idea about that needing permission for him to make applications part - thank you for telling me about that - I’m going to make a mental note of that and include it in my case as it sounds like it could come in handy!

The OP made the applications not the child's father.

He is just refusing to follow directions.

They actually give parents leeway on this unless it someone does not attend and complete Court directed courses and/or harms their child.

@Reugny you need to follow the court’s directions or there is consequences - no contact with the child, case dismissed etc - so it’s not just a case of choosing what to listen to and choosing what not to listen to - this is a highly respected judge and court telling you what you need to do