My MIL regifted the birthday gift I bought

[ShepherdMoons]

Xmas Day..opened our gifts from PIL. MIL has regifted two gifts that I bought for her birthday. I chose these gifts and they are lovely, she has gifted them back to me!

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? I don't know whether to say something to her.

I was given two beautiful bracelets that just weren't my style at the time. I had two friends who would both really suit and appreciate them but couldn't remember which one and given them to me so didn't dare offer them to either them. Felt like such a waste but would have felt too awkward. Even though looking back donkeys years later we were never awkward about anything.

I can see why you'd be hurt. Such thoughtful gifts you'd spent time choosing forgotten. I love regifting though people posting their gifts on Facebook slowed me down considerably.

I got given a nice purse for Christmas. It’s absolutely lovely but so is the one I’ve already got. I will probably do something with it rather than have it sit in a drawer. Her error was forgetting who gave it to her!

I never wear silk scarves, it seems to be a bit of a weird MN obsession as a good gift for any woman over about 40, there must be a load of sales directors from the scarf industry on here.

I also have a purse that I like and wouldn't want another one.

Regift them back to her. If you just kept regifting them back and forth you'll save yourself so much time, money and waste of resources. And instead of exchanging endless items that neither of you want or need, it's just two. What's not to like?

if she’s your MIL then she’s likely of an age where she wouldn’t need either a purse or scarf?
This is a very confusing response. What age does one suddenly stop needing a purse or scarf? My MIL is 62 and would use these things, my grandma is 75 and would use these things, my great Nan is 98 and would use these things.

Probably the age at which you’ve bought or been given enough to last a lifetime?!

I use my purse every day but it’s one I bought for myself years ago and it isn’t getting replaced any time soon, so one given to me would be regifted.

And as pp said, silk scarves are a strange present. Very few women actually wear them, but we are encouraged to give them as general presents

My elderly neighbour did the same to me last year, and has since been diagnosed with dementia - so please be kind and give MiL the benefit of the doubt. I would very much assume she had simply forgotten.

When someone gives you something, often you make a mental association between it and that person - so you can see that she might have put it in a drawer for 6 months and then she's got it out and thought "Oooh Shepherdmoons would love this". I always stick a post it note to the item in my gift-drawer so I remember who gave it to me.

Gift them back to her for her birthday! If she queries it say that you thought it was a new tradition that she's started, seen as you bought them and she regifted them to you in the first place.

Don’t gift them back to her. What’s the point in that except to send some weird passive aggressive message? You know she doesn’t want them. You think they’re lovely so keep them or give them to someone else. Maybe say something to her though - up to you.

Try to think of it differently: You gave her time, not having to go round the shops, saving money and you get something lovely in return.

The whole gifting thing can be utterly pointless and this is a good example. Maybe it is time to stop buying for people who have enough to buy for themselves. Perhaps agree children only. If you can't face Christmas without presents suggest token amount to be spent or homemade only.

If she is not confused and knows what she is doing then she's messed up by not making a note of whats from who when it comes to re gifting .
I have no problem with re gifting if the giver has no way at all of finding out but if they do it can be so hurtful .
In future if this were me she would be getting the type of gift that would stop her from doing so , i would give flowers, voucher ie cream tea etc.
She wouldn't get to do that to me again !

When my DM downsized and move from a house to a flat , I helped her pack up the house . I found a box full of unopened gifts . She’d written who’d given them to her , when and the occasion. I felt very sad because some of the gifts were things my children had saved their pocket money to buy her , and had given a lot of thought to the gifts . I never mentioned it to her . I don’t know why she’d not used the gifts or if she was planning on regifting. She certainly could afford to buy presents .

A wooden facking squirrel! 🐿️

I bought my aunt a present and she claimed that she was thrilled. She then took it into her bedroom and put it in a cupboard explaining that she will give it to someone else. I never bought her another present.

This. (Ho ho ho...) 😂

My old boss regifted back my teacup from Anthropologie. At first I was miffed. I didn’t say anything. Now I use it all the time. It was a nice present that I am getting the benefit from.

...so, she gave you back your gift, gave SIL back hers and she hates Christmas - I think she is trying to send you both a message.

@downtonupton I used the purse this weekend, it's very smart and actually i'm starting to see this as a positive now!

I think it’s what tight people do. Shows an inability to feel the pleasure of a gift beyond its material worth. I wouldn’t say anything, what’s the point? But maybe buy stuff which has a time limit on it in future ie consumable or very seasonal eg fur or sun hat. It’s not very nice.

Buy her something you really want and hopefully you will get it back again

@sue20 yes she's definitely a bit tight! Not without money though but just tight!

Me and dh think that we will buy flowers or a plant next time.

Interesting presents. I have a purse, took me weeks to choose a new one, I’m extremely fussy. Does she wear scarves?

Any chance she’s got memory issues or even early dementia? It can be how it starts….