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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My MIL regifted the birthday gift I bought

123 replies

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 16:17

Xmas Day..opened our gifts from PIL. MIL has regifted two gifts that I bought for her birthday. I chose these gifts and they are lovely, she has gifted them back to me!

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? I don't know whether to say something to her.

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 25/12/2022 16:53

My MIL does this (she is a bit forgetful) so I bought her a gorgeous scarf in the hope that I'll get it back. She's thrilled with it - for the first time in 24 years 🙄

Cheerfulpedantry · 25/12/2022 16:54

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 16:33

One was a DKNY purse and the other was a silk scarf. I agree, she must have a box full of regifts and has forgotten I gifted these for her birthday!

I'm a bit sad she didn't like them enough to keep them, they are lovely and just what I thought she'd like.

I think this means MIL has a better grasp of your taste than you do of hers.

Or else she just did not need another purse or scarf.

Afterfire · 25/12/2022 17:00

There was a scene in the Catherine Tate show where someone gave a random squirrel ornament to each other in the family back and forth for birthdays and Christmases. It was so funny and reminds me of this.

I feel sad for you op. Unless she’s generally very forgetful or very elderly it’s not on really. Definitely return them for her next birthday!!

diddl · 25/12/2022 17:05

Is it the sort of stuff that you know she likes?

If they were given to me I'd think that the giver had bought them with themselves in mind.

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 17:08

Yes it is the sort of thing she normally likes, she's quite well off but is known for being tight. She hates Christmas and the expense of it.

There are a few items that my SIL has received that are less obvious regifts but very likely regifted items. Some are toiletries and chocolates actually bought for MIL for Xmas (gifted many weeks before). SIL commented that she'd given MIL the exact same gifts!

OP posts:
Adviceneeded200 · 25/12/2022 17:09

Gifting can be funny sometimes.

Once my MIL gave me a blue stationary set for Christmas. Then for my birthday, exactly the same again, but in pink!

RandomUsernameHere · 25/12/2022 17:11

I'd be concerned about her memory, is she usually very forgetful?

donttellmehesalive · 25/12/2022 17:13

I'd have to say something. She deserves to be called out on it.

Blossomtoes · 25/12/2022 17:16

Wtf? What age do you have to be not to have a use for a purse or silk scarf? My mum was in her 90s and using both. 🙄

diddl · 25/12/2022 17:17

Yes it is the sort of thing she normally likes, she's quite well off but is known for being tight. She hates Christmas and the expense of it.

Perhaps it's time to stop bothering with presents?

EmmaAgain22 · 25/12/2022 17:18

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 16:33

One was a DKNY purse and the other was a silk scarf. I agree, she must have a box full of regifts and has forgotten I gifted these for her birthday!

I'm a bit sad she didn't like them enough to keep them, they are lovely and just what I thought she'd like.

Can I be your MIL.? What lovely gifts!

Baconking · 25/12/2022 17:20

Blossomtoes · 25/12/2022 17:16

Wtf? What age do you have to be not to have a use for a purse or silk scarf? My mum was in her 90s and using both. 🙄

Maybe she already has several.

My MIL is 80 and would never wear a silk scarf and has probably used the same purse for 20 plus years as she likes it and it isn't broken

Baconking · 25/12/2022 17:22

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 17:08

Yes it is the sort of thing she normally likes, she's quite well off but is known for being tight. She hates Christmas and the expense of it.

There are a few items that my SIL has received that are less obvious regifts but very likely regifted items. Some are toiletries and chocolates actually bought for MIL for Xmas (gifted many weeks before). SIL commented that she'd given MIL the exact same gifts!

Maybe it's less 'tight and more hating wasting money on things you don't need

newtb · 25/12/2022 17:23

My father's sister did this to my mother once. It still had the original gift tag!

Testina · 25/12/2022 17:28

Blossomtoes · 25/12/2022 17:16

Wtf? What age do you have to be not to have a use for a purse or silk scarf? My mum was in her 90s and using both. 🙄

🤣 chill ya beans! Nobody said you can’t use a purse or scarf after a certain age!
It’s about need. If she’s an adult’s MIL, she’s going to 50 at least I reckon and more likely well over. So the chances of her not already having a purse and scarf - if she wants them at all - is pretty slim. So she’s not going to use these presents if she already has ones more to her taste.

Jennybeans401 · 25/12/2022 17:30

Either she's very forgetful or she's sending you a message to stop buying her gifts she doesn't like/need. Possibly both!

Save your money in the future!

Ch3wylemon · 25/12/2022 17:39

The scarf I get, but I'm sorry OP I don't think a purse is a good present unless the person is looking for one. It's quite a personal item to buy as we all tend to like what we like - I've had my current one for a few years now and love it. It would be a complete waste for someone to buy me a new one.

Jennybeans401 · 25/12/2022 17:47

Perhaps she should have kept a record of what you bought her, so she doesn't regift things to you. Probably is doing this with lots of peopl.

OooScotland · 25/12/2022 17:53

Cheeky, yes, but also funny. It happens with a certain someone in our family too.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/12/2022 17:53

IMO some older people (even older than me, and I’m pretty ancient) often think lovely presents are somehow ‘too good’ to use, or must be kept ‘for best’, or for anything except actually using them.

I’ve heard more than once of people clearing elderly relatives’ houses, and finding umpteen former presents stashed away, untouched, being kept ‘for best’ or for something else that never happened.

katseyes7 · 25/12/2022 17:53

I have to admit l've been regifting presents for a couple of years now.
A few Christmases ago my friends and l 'agreed' we wouldn't do Christmas presents, only birthday presents. And that in lieu of a gift, we'd give a donation to a small/favourite local good cause of the donor's choice. No more than £10, and only if we could afford it.
However, the past two years (and now) two of my very good friends have started sending me presents again (we're not local to each other at all). I did ask them again last year (after being caught on the back foot, and having nothing, nor being able to reciprocate), please could we just do birthdays.
Yeah, sure. But yet again, presents arrived.
Some were lovely, very personal, one has given me a tree 'planted for me and my late OH in his memory' which is so nice.
But l've also received jewellery which was obviously not cheap, but which isn't my kind of thing at all. I'd never wear it. That'll get regifted this year.
And a parcel from another friend containing a big throw (I already have eight!), gloves and socks (fine) a scented candle (l have asthma, they make me wheeze for hours), and two lots of orange chocolate, which l don't like. Besides anything else, it must have cost a fortune to post.
I'm in my 60s. I appreciate the kindness and thought, but l don't need any of this stuff. I'm planning to downsize in a couple of years when l retire, and l'm trying to get rid of things, not get more.
I have a present drawer. I regifted some very nice things things which had sat i there for a good while earlier this year from that, and the recipient was delighted.
Another friend (again, not local) sends me things. They're lovely, but she's a heavy smoker, and everything reeks. I've no idea what to do with those.
And it's postage. It's not cheap. I don't want or need any more 'stuff'.) so l'm going to have to be really firm next year, in good time, and say please, NO MORE.

I'd rather they gave a fiver to a good cause, to someone who really needs it. Give the £20 (which the presents easily cost, plus the postage, say another £10), or even half of it, to a small local charity. Or a homeless shelter.

Apologies if l sound ungrateful, l'm really not. But l'd rather the money they've spent bought some poor soul a hot meal and a warm bed, or some toys for someone's child who otherwise wouldn't have anything on Christmas Day.

Shesasuperfreak · 25/12/2022 17:55

Say something!

Hawkins001 · 25/12/2022 17:57

ShepherdMoons · 25/12/2022 16:33

One was a DKNY purse and the other was a silk scarf. I agree, she must have a box full of regifts and has forgotten I gifted these for her birthday!

I'm a bit sad she didn't like them enough to keep them, they are lovely and just what I thought she'd like.

I can understand your perspectives, I guess we never truly know each other

chickbean · 25/12/2022 18:03

Keep them. If you liked them enough to buy them for her, perhaps they are more your type of thing. I love my in-laws but they often buy things that are to their taste not mine. I have agreed with SIL to stop buying for adults and I usually hint at particular books for MIL. Everyone has too much stuff nowadays anyway.

butterfliedtwo · 25/12/2022 18:14

MilkyYay · 25/12/2022 16:50

I'm a bit sad she didn't like them enough to keep them, they are lovely and just what I thought she'd like.

Is it possible she can't afford to buy gifts atm and regifts anything nice she is bought herself, to save face?

This was my first thought reading the OP.

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