daisychain01 Bless you, thank you. I know they mean well, they're very kind and generous but really, l feel guilty. They're wasting their money.
The memorial tree thing was lovely, it made me cry, my friend was so thoughtful, she asked me a while ago what my OH and l used to call each other (everyone else called him by his nickname, l never did) and that was for the certificate. I was really touched, he was a gardener and it was just perfect.
But the other stuff is, honestly, just 'stuff'.
My best friend (who l was meant to go to for Christmas, but l'm ill and couldn't go) is my OH's sister. They were incredibly close, and besides some sweets and slipper boots, she gave me a lovely album of their family photos going back to when they were young, as they were growing up, ones with me with him, and a beautiful big A4 print of my favourite photo of him. With a note saying 'We'll go and choose a frame for this next time l see you".
His daughter sent me a lovely Garry Floyd art print about missing a loved one, she has the same one, she was just in her teens when she lost her dad.
My OH's brother brought me groceries on Christmas Eve, (I'd been going to travel down to his sisters with him if l hadn't been ill), and he called to check on me. He turned up with pots of hyacinth bulbs and Muscari bulbs, which my OH always used to do for Christmas. He loved plants and gardens so much.
All of those aren't 'stuff'. They're wonderful, thoughtful things which have such happy, bittersweet memories. I'd rather have those than diamonds and gold.
You're right. I need to set the lay of the land quite firmly, and explain it very clearly. Kindly, but firmiy.