My MIL regifted the birthday gift I bought

[ShepherdMoons]

Xmas Day..opened our gifts from PIL. MIL has regifted two gifts that I bought for her birthday. I chose these gifts and they are lovely, she has gifted them back to me!

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? I don't know whether to say something to her.

What age person doesn’t need a purse or a scarf??🤔

@ScarlettDarling “What age person doesn’t need a purse or a scarf??🤔”

Plenty of people.
The key word here is need.
Most people don’t need a purse or scarf, because they’ve already got them.
So then it comes down to do the want this purse and this scarf?
In this case: clearly no.

Is it possible she can't afford to buy gifts atm and regifts anything nice she is bought herself, to save face?

This is part of the reason l'm regifting, too.

You can never have too many scarves.

my grandparents did this with every single gift we ever gave them, at some point in the next twelve months whatever we gave them at Christmas (no matter how thoughtful or tuned to their tastes) found their way back to us in some order.. they’d even save the wrapping paper if they could and iron it to reuse so that we’d literally receive an identical gift… they weren’t poor… it was infuriating.. but then after a decade or two we just started buying them stuff that we’d like and swap things around when we got them back.. strangely it’s something I really miss at Christmas now they’ve been dead a while… also hilarious was pulling out the drawers from under their bed when clearing the house and finding a museum level collection of ironed wrapping paper from the sixties onwards..

She hates Christmas and the expense of it.

So why is she giving gifts? I wouldn’t expect someone who feels this way to be giving gifts.

Off topic but scarf and DKNY purse are such TK Maxx presents lol.

If she hasn’t forgotten you gave them to her, then I think that’s rude.

Wow this is great OP. In future just buy her things you really want, give them to her a few weeks before Christmas and sit back knowing that you're definitely going to end up with a couple of things you really want under the tree.

There was an amusing article in the Guardian recently about the same pannetone doing the rounds for years! It became a joke to write the giver's name on the box's underside and to follow its journey!

I exchange birthday presents with a local friend - last year one of my presents was a box of Guylian sea shell chocs (possibly worse chocolate ever?) with her sons name on them in Felt Pen (so presumably he got as a Christmas present!). I didn’t say anything!

I would suggest we stop from this year but I have a big birthday, and we generally do a joint group present for big birthdays. I will definitely suggest stopping from 2024 onwards.

My sister regifts everything I'm sure. I got a mug, candle and a book that I gave her last year. Every Christmas this happens. Even if things are new to me, they obviously weren't bought by her. They have a kind of oldish feel about them.
She's very wealthy but incredibly stingy.

I would have to say something! I don’t care if it’s embarrassing for her - it’s far worse for you!

Maybe she does this sort of thing all the time. Getting forgetful as well perhaps.

Just make sure you buy her things you really like for future gifting!

or maybe your MIL doesn't like you.

I never wear a scarf. Ever. Was a bit pissed when Ex bought me two as a present. Never wore either of them.

I’m like this.
Things feel too good for me to use, like I don’t deserve them and it would be a waste. I’ve never been brave enough to regift though, they just sit unused.

The scarf sounds practical, both gifts sound fine to me but just a bit off to regift to the giver!

Yes, I get that some people don’t like scarves, but surely it’s not an age thing?

I thought exh and myself were the most passive aggressive present exchangers - I always get him a photo frame with a photo in of myself front and centre and half of each dc either side of me, this year he got me a voucher for bungee jumping which said “someone wants you to jump off a cliff”. Endlessly exchanging the same gifts sounds even more fun though.

Agree.

Give them back. This could save you a fortune, and you can use the money you would have would spent on her to buy yourself something lovely.

@katseyes7 you sound lovely and have some very thoughtful friends but they are unfortunately putting you in an awkward spot by giving you things when you've politely asked them not to, and not least of all when you have plans to downsize.

I would keep doing what you're doing, reminding them that you would rather not receive presents for next little while due to downsizing plans (and hope they get the message!).

Lol

My OH's mum loves cats. He gave her an Italian cat calendar one Christmas. For his birthday, she wrapped it up and gave it back to him. Not sure what was going through her head.

This makes sense to me. My mum was a bit like this, and when we had to sort her things after, she’d died, I found a lot of the presents I’d bought her stashed away on a shelf in a spare wardrobe…I was really upset at the time. However, as I’ve got older and I’ve got all the “stuff” I could ever want or need, I can understand much more. I feel almost uncomfortable being given things almost for the sake of it and this Christmas I actually said to my family that I’d rather they didn’t get me anything. (The fact that I’ve recently had a decluttering lady in to help me get rid of a shit ton of stuff might have had something to do with this too…) I can understand regifting nice stuff that you’re not going to use - it seems a good alternative to having things sitting unused in a cupboard. Obviously, though, if you’re going to do this, it’s probably a good idea to make a note of who gave what to avoid an embarrassing situation.

I wouldn’t humiliate her and saying anything in front of others….but I’d have a private word and say “MIL, do you realise that I actually bought these items for you for your birthday?”…and just see what she says in response…..