To donate my sperm or not?

[Ineedlegalhelp]

My female friend, in her mid 40s, is asking me to help her conceive by sleeping with her without protection

i am 40 years old. Single. Unmarried. And without a child. All my choice
She is also single, unmarried, and without a child but desperately needs/wants one

Is there any way I can do this for my friend, and still protect myself from compulsorily having to pay child support?

I worry that I may be pursued for child support in the future. Although she is promising she won’t do that, I want to be sure, legally speaking, that I can protect myself and my finances

Any advice please

Keep WELL away from this course of action.

No, I think you would be fully liable for child support if you go down this route (and rightfully IMO, it is your child and you aren't doing it anonymously or through a formal channel). I can feel a real entrapment situation coming here, where she claims she won't want anything from you and then DNA chases.

I know this sounds terrible but I don't trust anyone who claims they are either 1. using contraception or 2. that they won't want more from me later. I've met many men who thought their partner was on the pill only to find out that they weren't. AND then they are stuck with paying child support for a child they didn't consent to having and often can't see when they choose.

@sashh "So if she gets pregnant she may have a child with special needs or she may have to give up work either for a time or forever.
And in that case who do you think should pay for the child?"

Well if the woman wants it and is willing to accept that risk then I don't see why the man should pay. If the deal is that the woman just wants sperm and no other financial commitments.

If I say to my friend "I want a baby and I don't want anything more from you other than your sperm" and the agreement is just that, I would be totally unreasonable to change the T&Cs after the fact.

But then I have morals around this I guess.

If she's already trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing it then her motives are already dubious and she can't be trusted not to go after you for money once she realises how hard it is holding a decent job down and raising a child alone. Her desperation to have a baby is her problem, not yours.

She’ll just turn out to be like one of those other cheeky, entitled women who expect the other parent to contribute to the upbringing of their own children. You can’t trust em OP.

Seriously don’t do it. Not for your sake, for the poor kid caught in the middle.

Just out of curiosity OP, do you have a high wage job? Prestigious job? Considerable assets e.g. multiple mortgage free properties? High profit businesses?

The best thing to tell her, (if she is the narcissist type to try and emotionally blackmail you over this) is...look you are a really good friend of mine, and I don't want to complicate or let our friendship get messy in any way. I value your friendship too much for that. So it's simply not something I can do. Let her down, whilst simultaneously feeding her ego.

But I've researched this local sperm doner clinic, as well as this adoption agency, if you need a friend to go along with you for moral support, I'll be here for you and would be happy to accompany you. In any appointment accompanying make it clear to staff you're her friend and nothing more, and don't sign any paperwork with or for her, whilst at appointments.)

Also, say that after thinking about this sperm doner issue, as well as the abortion with your ex situation....it's made you realise that getting a vasectomy is the best thing for yourself. Tell her you're getting it done.

Maybe actually get it done for real if you feel the child-free choice is best for yourself. Ignore PP...no woman, no matter how 'young' or pretty, is worth changing who you are for. If you want to have a freedom lifestyle without kids, do it.

Women often change minds/get broody if they think they meet their 'one'....but for some men they just think of kids as collateral assets or liabilities, depending on if the child's mother is their current wife (kids collateral assets) or their ex wife (kids collateral liability). Often, some men just don't love as deep as most women.

Don't do it.

God what an awful thread 😡

She can easily find a sperm donor who wants to be a sperm donor. My friend found one on a Facebook page dedicated to matching donors.

Oh my. Is that through a legit agency?

Oh definitely not. Like it's not what I would choose for myself but people get pregnant after one night stands and stuff and she's a bloody good mum with loads of family support. She's asexual, hence the donor as opposed to "natural" conception, he's not involved but the child can choose to have contact. And tbh, my post birth life would have been alot easier without DH so maybe I would choose it for myself!

If you're a decent friend you'd say no, send her off to the sperm clinic or advise her to get a fb in their 20s (or 2!) whose sperm is way more likely to get the job done and way less likely to result in a child with autism.

Hmmm I understand why people might want/need to parent alone but this method sounds so risky. what so don’t understand is why a man would choose this method instead of donating via a proper clinic, why would they avoid that.

How do you know how many babies the man has fathered- remember that documentary with a man who sold sperm and fathered like hundreds of children. Also if I’d want tests like STD and a medical history of some sort.