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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL still expecting dinner

86 replies

Whatwhatwhatonearth · 23/12/2022 19:36

We were due to host my PIL and my own parents for Christmas Day dinner. My parents live 5hours away and PIL about 20minutes so my parents due to stay 4 nights and are super helpful houseguests, my DH always comments on how helpful they are and asks when they’re next coming so I know I’m not being biased just because they’re my parents!
Myself and DH are both feeling so unwell with flu, just about managing to look after our 11month DS between us and it’s only two days before Christmas, we told my parents not to come as don’t want them to catch anything, they want to be helpful but aware it’s best just to stay away so will come and visit in a few weeks. My DH told PIL how unwell we all felt, MIL reply was “oh that’s a shame, well we’ll just come for dinner and then leave you in peace” WHAT?! You’re twenty minutes away and can’t be slightly helpful and instead still expect dinner?! I’d be fuming but feel too unwell to even answer.

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 23/12/2022 19:38

Let them turn up then ask what food have they brought you, knowing you’d be too ill to cook

NoelNoNoel · 23/12/2022 19:38

*No that doesn’t work for us, we are really ill’ and then change the subject.

Crunchymum · 23/12/2022 19:40

Surely your DH replies "we are too ill to do dinner, you'll have to sort yourselves out"

yoyo1234 · 23/12/2022 19:40

Can you get DH to "uninvited them" . I'm currently ill and my 2 year old is ill. No one coming here for Christmas.

Blanca87 · 23/12/2022 19:41

just let your dh deal with it. he just needs to say something like 'sorry you misunderstood the message we are not hosting as we are ill we can rearrange something at a later date'.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/12/2022 19:41

You just reply saying really sorry but it's cancelled as we aren't well enough.

Holliegee · 23/12/2022 19:41

Just phone them tonight or first thing tomorrow and say you’re unable to host, you are both too I’ll and hopefully you’ve given them enough time to quickly nip out and buy food to cook for themselves.

fancyacuppatea · 23/12/2022 19:42

Wilfully misunderstand the text and reply with "Oh MIL, Thank you so much for offering to bring Christmas Lunch to us. We're both feeling so ill, our appetites aren't great, so please don't cook too much."

😉

TruffleShuffles · 23/12/2022 19:45

I think you need to be very clear that you are cancelling. Mentioning you are ill and quietly fuming probably isn’t clear enough with Christmas Day less than 48 hours away. You have every right to cancel if you are not well but do it promptly.

35965a · 23/12/2022 19:45

Just be blunt “no, we are ill and are cancelling.”

FirstFallopians · 23/12/2022 19:48

Call them now or at latest first thing in the morning and tell them the situation.

You don’t want to give them the opportunity to say you left them high and dry with no food in the house etc and twist things so you appear to be the unreasonable one.

Some people are so dense aren’t they.

fancyacuppatea · 23/12/2022 19:48

fancyacuppatea · 23/12/2022 19:42

Wilfully misunderstand the text and reply with "Oh MIL, Thank you so much for offering to bring Christmas Lunch to us. We're both feeling so ill, our appetites aren't great, so please don't cook too much."

😉

Also add in "You obviously won't mind if we stay in our PJs."

🤭

AlisonDonut · 23/12/2022 19:48

Who would be cooking this dinner if you are both in bed or taking turns with the toddler?

Shinyandnew1 · 23/12/2022 19:49

I think you need to be clearer!

RobinRobinMouse · 23/12/2022 19:50

I wouldn't know from what you'd said that you wanted to cancel. Just say that if you do. They are probably trying to be helpful by letting you know they won't be around for too long.

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2022 19:53

He needs to call them back and explain that it's been cancelled.

5foot5 · 23/12/2022 19:59

RobinRobinMouse · 23/12/2022 19:50

I wouldn't know from what you'd said that you wanted to cancel. Just say that if you do. They are probably trying to be helpful by letting you know they won't be around for too long.

This.

You told your parents not to come so there was no room for misinterpretation.

Your DH has mentioned illness to his parents but clearly hasn't laid things out plainly enough. And yet you blame your PILs for thinking dinner is still on.

Get on the phobe and spellbit out now. The shops will be awful tomorrow and it would be awful to leave them with no dinner because your DH didn't communicate the situation properly.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/12/2022 20:01

it would be awful to leave them with no dinner because your DH didn't communicate the situation properly

This!

Be clear m. Say you are both ill and are not up to cooking, hosting or eating a Christmas dinner so it’s cancelled. Tell them NOW to give them a chance to sort an alternative tomorrow morning.

Munchyseeds2 · 23/12/2022 20:21

Crunchymum · 23/12/2022 19:40

Surely your DH replies "we are too ill to do dinner, you'll have to sort yourselves out"

This is the correct response

pictoosh · 23/12/2022 20:27

Ofgs how is this even a dilemma? Your dh says no, you misunderstood...we can't host you even for dinner, we are ill.

whynotwhatknot · 23/12/2022 20:27

just say sorry you misunderstood we're not doing dinner at all

Ellie1015 · 23/12/2022 20:30

Just clarify there won't be a Christmas dinner. Follow up with an invite following weekend or something.

Wolfiefan · 23/12/2022 20:30

So at what point did DH say you were sorry but you were cancelling due to illness?

JubileeTrifle · 23/12/2022 20:32

I think you need to be VERY clear and they need to go get themselves some food.
tell them you are sick, that you are staying in bed, are not up for visitors, have no plans to cook any food.
Id just make sure you have something in just in case you do have a bit of an appetite.

pictoosh · 23/12/2022 20:33

I mean, how did that conversation end with any confusion? How are they still expecting dinner...unless your dh agreed.