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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL still expecting dinner

86 replies

Whatwhatwhatonearth · 23/12/2022 19:36

We were due to host my PIL and my own parents for Christmas Day dinner. My parents live 5hours away and PIL about 20minutes so my parents due to stay 4 nights and are super helpful houseguests, my DH always comments on how helpful they are and asks when they’re next coming so I know I’m not being biased just because they’re my parents!
Myself and DH are both feeling so unwell with flu, just about managing to look after our 11month DS between us and it’s only two days before Christmas, we told my parents not to come as don’t want them to catch anything, they want to be helpful but aware it’s best just to stay away so will come and visit in a few weeks. My DH told PIL how unwell we all felt, MIL reply was “oh that’s a shame, well we’ll just come for dinner and then leave you in peace” WHAT?! You’re twenty minutes away and can’t be slightly helpful and instead still expect dinner?! I’d be fuming but feel too unwell to even answer.

OP posts:
louderthan · 23/12/2022 21:49

Zombiemum1946 · 23/12/2022 21:44

Dh replies, very kind of you to offer to cook the dinner and mind the kids. We were just going to order a takeaway, go back to bed, with the sick bowls, and sleep. Alternatively dh tells them flat out we're sick don't come round. If he won't do either then he gets up, cooks the meal, deals with the pil and kids, you sleep.
We're currently both ill but dh is recovering. He normally cooks, there's only one sibling and dad coming round with cards tomorrow so not a problem. Oh the kittens are all his as well.

The kittens?!
(Sorry off topic but KITTENS!!)

Adviceneeded200 · 23/12/2022 21:53

Tell them every time you look at food you vomit.

Sorted

SnowlayRoundabout · 23/12/2022 22:06

Why didn't your DH tell them it just wasn't going to happen?

Zombiemum1946 · 23/12/2022 22:09

louderthan · 23/12/2022 21:49

The kittens?!
(Sorry off topic but KITTENS!!)

Show quote history

Dh and ds bought 2 kittens 2 months ago. The Xmas tree is 2 sets of lights wrapped round the curtain pole, running round the ceiling light to form a triangle. Had to take the curtains down as the little darlings were running up them and perching on the pile starting at me. I didn't want them, now I love them and yes I feel trapped.

Dashel · 23/12/2022 22:12

I would just say we are too I’ll to go shopping and we don’t want to risk passing on our germs sorry.

Zombiemum1946 · 23/12/2022 22:14

@Louderthan

PIL still expecting dinner
Soubriquet · 23/12/2022 22:15

You need to ring, or rather your dh needs to ring, and tell them that dinner is cancelled as you are too ill to host.

You need to do it early tomorrow so they still have time to run out and get bits for their own lunch

Bunchymcbunchface · 23/12/2022 22:17

Just tell them tomorrow you’ve got sickness and the s*its

no one ever wants to catch that

bridgetreilly · 23/12/2022 22:22

“There will be no dinner to come for. We are too ill to host anyone. Have a happy Christmas!”

MadameMinimes · 23/12/2022 22:35

What did your DH actually say?

Of you’re cancelling Christmas dinner the day before Christmas Eve, surely you make that clear. You say something like, “So sorry to cancel so late, but we’ve all been struck down with flu/norovirus/bubonic plague and can’t host Christmas now. Hopefully, we’ll see you in a few days when we’re feeling a bit better”. I think just saying you feel ill is too vague. If someone was cancelling, I’d expect them to just tell me that directly.

MountainChalet · 23/12/2022 22:41

Instead of writing here, you should have clarified or asked your dh to make it clear to his parents that it's not happening.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/12/2022 22:43

"Well unless you are bringing dinner with you and are going to look after DC all afternoon so we can rest, I wouldnt bother as we wont be cooking more than a piece of toast!"

KAYMACK · 23/12/2022 22:55

Whatwhatwhatonearth · 23/12/2022 19:36

We were due to host my PIL and my own parents for Christmas Day dinner. My parents live 5hours away and PIL about 20minutes so my parents due to stay 4 nights and are super helpful houseguests, my DH always comments on how helpful they are and asks when they’re next coming so I know I’m not being biased just because they’re my parents!
Myself and DH are both feeling so unwell with flu, just about managing to look after our 11month DS between us and it’s only two days before Christmas, we told my parents not to come as don’t want them to catch anything, they want to be helpful but aware it’s best just to stay away so will come and visit in a few weeks. My DH told PIL how unwell we all felt, MIL reply was “oh that’s a shame, well we’ll just come for dinner and then leave you in peace” WHAT?! You’re twenty minutes away and can’t be slightly helpful and instead still expect dinner?! I’d be fuming but feel too unwell to even answer.

Could someone post what PIL means?

I only know it as a band with John Lydon.

Stripedbag101 · 23/12/2022 22:56

Parents in law

pizzaHeart · 23/12/2022 22:58

You need to ring, or rather your dh needs to ring, and tell them that dinner is cancelled as you are too ill to host.
You need to do it early tomorrow so they still have time to run out and get bits for their own lunch
this^ absolutely
some shops ran out of certain things today. It’s not worldwide hunger, but your PIL might need to visit more then one place and with shops are closing earlier tomorrow you need to tell them asap.

Does your DH have form for being vague around unpleasant info? So he told them that you’re unwell but he didn’t actually told them that they shouldn’t come.

MadeForThis · 23/12/2022 23:16

Just reply that you are delighted they can bring dinner over. You will hopefully be able to get out of bed to eat it. If not just ring the bell and leave it on the doorstep.

July70 · 23/12/2022 23:23

Tell them you are not well but will pop to there for 15 mins and wear masks and they can keep windows open. Then you return home after the 15 mins.

Dont tell them you can't as the PuL want to see their grandchild on the first Christmas.

Sadly, youngsters dont understand what it is like to be a grandparent. I did not until we became one.

TerrazzoChips · 23/12/2022 23:29

Sorry @July70 but if I was this ill I wouldn’t be dragging myself and my children to their grandparents 20 mins away. The grandparents can cope with not seeing their grandchildren on their first Christmas. Or they can come over and provide help.

RampantIvy · 23/12/2022 23:31

Have you told them that Christmas at your house is cancelled yet?

NoSquirrels · 23/12/2022 23:36

we told my parents not to come as don’t want them to catch anything, they want to be helpful but aware it’s best just to stay away so will come and visit in a few weeks. My DH told PIL how unwell we all felt,

It is a miscommunication all of your DH’s doing. It’s not their fault.

Wetblanket78 · 23/12/2022 23:45

We had that horrible cold last week. Mostly survived on toast, water ginger tea with lemon and hot ribena. I did some home made soup when I started to feel better. But wore a mask. No way I would have been up to cooking and eating Christmas dinner.

UsingChangeofName · 23/12/2022 23:55

Crunchymum · 23/12/2022 19:40

Surely your DH replies "we are too ill to do dinner, you'll have to sort yourselves out"

This.

I don't see how the conversation could have ended in any confusion unless your dh wasn't clear when he told them ???

ChristmasJingleBalls · 24/12/2022 00:18

NoSquirrels · 23/12/2022 23:36

we told my parents not to come as don’t want them to catch anything, they want to be helpful but aware it’s best just to stay away so will come and visit in a few weeks. My DH told PIL how unwell we all felt,

It is a miscommunication all of your DH’s doing. It’s not their fault.

Yup, this.

The two are very different. He hasn’t made it clear.

IsItThough · 24/12/2022 00:22

July70 · 23/12/2022 23:23

Tell them you are not well but will pop to there for 15 mins and wear masks and they can keep windows open. Then you return home after the 15 mins.

Dont tell them you can't as the PuL want to see their grandchild on the first Christmas.

Sadly, youngsters dont understand what it is like to be a grandparent. I did not until we became one.

presumably they do know what it is like to have a rotten cold though, and also are able to realise the 11 month old will have no idea its christmas day?

Branleuse · 24/12/2022 00:30

Just tell them clearly. Its not horrible or wrong to have boundaries. Your husband needs to call his mum and tell her that xmas dinner is off this year, but maybe they could come over for new years if youre all feeling better, and its all such rotten luck.