Ex MIL’s hoarding

[SantasBigToe]

I have posted about this before under several different usernames. It always flares up at Christmas, but happens throughout the year to a lesser extent. Ex MIL is a hoarder. She sends us a lot of her hoarded junk, at every opportunity, especially Christmas. I have asked her multiple times, and in as kind a way as possible, to please stop. She spoke to me months ago about a stack of books she wanted to send for Christmas. I asked her not to. One was a book I already own. I told her this. She has sent it anyway. One book is for dd and quite inappropriate for her age. Ex MIL warned me before sending and I asked her not to send it. She sent it anyway.
AIBU (or ungrateful) to dump them at the nearest charity shop? I am fed up with the boxes and boxes of old junk and second hand clothes she keeps sending (that she finds on eBay and in charity shops). She doesn’t have much money, but what she does have she spends on “bargains” that she either hoards or sends to us. She calls me rude and ungrateful when I ask her to stop sending us her junk. So far this month she had sent 5 small boxes of ornaments, a big bag of clothes and the 6 books.
The last time I posted about this the advice was to give it all to my ex to deal with. I have been doing this, but the kids still end up with it and it works its way back to our house.

My MIL does this every now and then. Last time it was second hand ballet shoes for a child who doesn’t even do ballet. DH reject it every time even if it’s something useful. It’s a he only way PIL get the message for a while.

They encourage the kids to bring home toys from the ridiculous amount they have at their house. We always return them next visit.

My ex sent me a photo of the book. It was 50p from a charity shop! The label still stuck on it! I fell less bad about rejecting it.

She loves your kids and wants to give with the little money she has.

If it’s recorded delivery-refuse the package.

Yes she loves the kids, but she spends a fortune on junk rather than buying anything nice or new. Most of the junk has just been sat covered in dust for years. Surely if it was about the kids though she’d give them appropriate gifts? One year she sent them anatomy books for university students. They were aged 3 and 9 at the time.

She sends me a lot of junk too, not just the kids! Mainly crap off ebay(crop tops, dirty clothes, broken ornaments...)

Just agree with her that you are rude and ungrateful. Calling you that is a manipulation strategy. She does it because it works. Accepting the label tends to seriously take the wind out of people's sails. "Yep. I'm rude and ungrateful. And I'm throwing this stuff straight in the bin."

People think this is part of hoarding disorder because a type of compulsive shopper who often also hoards, does it.
Once told it's upsetting others most will stop because the enjoyment is gone, but there is a controlling type of aquirer who will continue, because for them it's about control, not 'quality blindness' and an 'it's cheap and will do for X' attitude.

She sends me a lot of junk too, not just the kids! Mainly crap off ebay(crop tops, dirty clothes, broken ornaments...)

I'd hazard a guess she enjoys the thrill of the chase/bargain and you and yours are a good excuse.

Oh, the recorded delivery thing and waiting for the thank you text is next level!

I'd text her and say, please, one last time, listen to me when I say I don't want the stuff you send. I appreciate the gesture, but I don't have space for the things you send, and you do send things we don't want or need.

If you carry on sending stuff despite me asking you not to, it will go directly to the charity shop, so save your postage costs, time and effort.

This sounds really annoying… Does she ever visit the house? … If not just lie to her and tell her your moving house, give her a different address so she stops sending crap to your door. Maybe the address to a charity shop , cut out the middle man 🤣

You're going to have to be brutal

'Yes MIL, the package of junk that you sent has arrived and gone straight in the bin. Please don't send any more as if I'm in when the postman comes I won't be accepting it'

Ha, I have said almost word for word all this, several times. We currently have five boxes of ornaments from eBay, and a large bag of clothes that have arrived for Christmas, plus the books that she sent to my ex to give to us. I wish I had documented all the stuff she has sent over the years. Some (most) of it is hilariously awful. I wonder if there’s a thread dedicated to awful gifts from (ex) in-laws to share the weird and (not so) wonderful.

Every single time send it back to your ex's tell them it's not allowed to come into your house.

😂

Please don't dump it all at a charity shop, as they have to pay to get rid.

Take it to the tip.

Just charity or bin and dont acknowledge them. When she asks just tell her you binned or donated it.

How far away does she live? I'd be tempted to keep it all for a bit then fill the car and dump it on her doorstep, ring the bell and leave before she gets there.

Send her a letter asking her to stop. Send it recorded delivery. Then see a solicitor if it continues. If this was anyone else it would be harassment so I don't see why just because she's your ex's mum it would be different.

This has been going on for years. In fact I posted on here in 2018 about a creepy devil charm she’d sent for my then 3-year-old! Nothing has changed except that the “drawer of doom” no longer exists.

That didn’t quite post correctly. The second paragraph was copied and pasted from a post I made in 2018!!

My in laws are the same…continuously bringing car boot full of stuff…all of my DH childhood toys (covered in dust and with a a musty smell). Then they ask where they are when they visit…my answer is always the same “aaah that’s in the ‘loft’…”.

So what are you actually doing to stop this? Clearly texting her isn't enough. You've ignored the many posters who have told you to just refuse the delivery. Are you going to do that or just keep posting about her on here?

This won't stop until you stop being a doormat OP
If anyone did this to me .....well they wouldn't make the same mistake again!

Is it a big problem if I do keep venting in here? It’s nice to just get it off my chest. She can be incredibly unpleasant and is known for nasty gossip, and sometimes it’s easier to just be polite. I have done everything except return to sender. I am not ignoring the advice other posters have given. I am taking it on board but at the end of the day she is the grandmother of my kids and I don’t want to start a war with her.