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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I ruined my life……drunk woman of honour role

99 replies

Sabrina145 · 22/12/2022 22:32

Hello.long post so feel free to skim! I’m reasonably new here it was recommend to me by my sister. She said you are all a supportive but honest bunch of people. She did say this was not a great first thread to start with as I might get some hurtful responses. But I’m already so angry at myself so be honest!

I was the woman of honour at one of my best friends wedding (he was marrying his long time fiancé in Malta and it was gorgeous)as he explained to me it’s basically the female version of a best man! It was a brilliant wedding and I was fine for the duration of it. However, after the two grooms had gone to bed and most guests had left, his sister was having a few people
up to her hotel room for late night snacks and some more drinks. It was supposed to be loads of us , grooms bridal party etc but people were exhausted and headed to bed. I’m not a big drinker in any shape or form- rarely have it. And have a bad tolerance as I’m not a regular drinker. But I stupidly was caught up in the fun of the night and went back for ‘one more’. I ended up doing a shot which I can’t handle and a little bit more vodka.

Long story short I started vomiting in front of everyone. I was wearing a light gold (expensive!!) dress and vomited all over myself too. The dress and shoes! (The dress has been cleaned since but the shoes I had to bin as they were too bad) It all gets worse! the groom’s sister was holding a bag for me to get sick in and I projectile vomited so it went on the hotel carpet and some sick got on her too which I’m horrified about. I had an apology gift and card sent to her. She was lovely the next day - told me I did an amazing job as bridesmaid and I just had a bad response to the drink after. She said I was beating myself up way too much and to forget it and that I’m a wonderful friend to her brother. (Been there for him a lot in the past).

I have complete blanks in my memory then at parts but basically paramedics were called for me as I was so drunk . I was told
I was ‘passing out’ but I think it was more a drunken stupor. I’m so so embarrassed. I was found out I was brought to the ambulance in a wheelchair but I’ve no memory of this. I remember some parts on the way though it’s like my memory goes in and out. I know I threw up in the ambulance and on the ground outside the hospital and then was vomiting none stop for a while. I got sick on the floor of the hospital too when I woke up. They had to give me a rehydration drip as it was literally non-stop. Can’t believe it and I’m an adult in my mid-late twenties. Disgusted at myself! I work in a healthcare setting myself back home and I have so much respect for staff and the system. I’d never let this happen sober.not trying to justify but I think celebrating after lockdowns etc got to me.

So, as I said not many went back to the room so it was just his sister, an aunt I think and her best friend and the best friends partner. So not many. The sister told me we are best not telling her brother as it was all sorted, I’m fine and the wedding was amazing. This happened last week and I’ve spoke. To my friend and he’s none the wiser. I don’t like being dishonest however I hate feeling like I’m not telling him. I also don’t want to burst his happy bubble about me being such a mess. And it wasn’t at the actual wedding it was the ‘after party’ and he and his new husband weren’t there.

So is it life ruining?! How much will his family member judge me, will I ever recover my reputation and AIBU to want to tell my friend due to my guilt. I cried for ages after the event as I feel I’ve ruined my happy memories of what was such a good wedding and my chance to be a bridesmaid/woman of honour which I loved doing. Thanks!

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 22/12/2022 22:34

It will make a funny story for a few days and people will have already forgotten about it.

Chances are you won't care in anymore in a couple months so no sense beating yourself up about it

delilabell · 22/12/2022 22:39

If I was your friend I'd feel more hurt that you didn't tell me. But that's because of the type of person I am (anxious!) Is your friend judgy? How do you thibk they'd react? You know them best!
I think family member will have a memory of you but again won't be offended by it.

Iwanttoslowdown · 22/12/2022 22:40

Oh don’t worry about it. Is it ok to say that’s actually really funny and I would have pissed myself had I been in that room. Laugh at urself a bit more OP and move on.

Wanderingoff · 22/12/2022 22:45

Well if it was going to happen it’s happened in the best possible way. Only a small group of people know who all seem lovely. You didn’t shag anyone or flash your boobs on the dance floor. Clearly sounds like a reaction from being a non drinker. You’ve done all the appropriate apologies.

in a couple of years you can tell your friend about it and have a good life. It’s really not a dramatic betrayal to not tell him - he really won’t care if he’s a nice guy which it sounds he is.

i imagine you’re still feeling pretty rough!

Mybestyear · 22/12/2022 22:47

Your story is not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was imagining making a pass at the groom(s), the sister, running naked through the wedding ceremony with a flower hanging out your arse - that sort of thing. You got really pissed and threw up everywhere- although the ambulance/hospital bit is not great. I think I would come clean with your friend - otherwise I think it will stress you out every time the wedding is talked about.

herbaltea21 · 22/12/2022 22:47

Pleaaaasseeeee stop beating yourself up about this.
Honestly, please stop feeling bad.
I totally get it's such a rubbish situation to be in but I promise you that nobody will be thinking bad of you. They won't think you spoilt the day. If anything you and his sister can laugh about it in the future. Trust me you will get to the point where you can laugh.
I know you fee guilty but please give yourself a break. You sound like a lovely caring person and people will think fo you for that not for getting too drunk!

I very rarely drink now, but at my sisters wedding I got absolutely hammered. Me and my friend stayed at the 24 hour bar and literally fell asleep on the sofas in the bar and woke up there at 7 🙈 it was soooo embarrassing as I think we got abit Larey and in reality that is so not like me! But we laugh at it now.

I know friends who have done so much more and I think nothing less of them.

It's so sad to hear you feel so bad about this. Honestly please be kind to yourself and let go of the shame ♥️

Keyansier · 22/12/2022 22:48

I don't understand his sisters reasoning to suggest not telling him. The wedding is over. He didn't see anything. You vomited because you drank lots of alcohol. It happens. If you'd smashed the place up and pissed on the wedding cake, I could understand.

CPL593H · 22/12/2022 22:49

Your friends sister sounds nice and has a good perspective on it. It is over, no damage done (other than the shoes!) and you should stop fretting.

Laquila · 22/12/2022 22:49

Mybestyear · 22/12/2022 22:47

Your story is not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was imagining making a pass at the groom(s), the sister, running naked through the wedding ceremony with a flower hanging out your arse - that sort of thing. You got really pissed and threw up everywhere- although the ambulance/hospital bit is not great. I think I would come clean with your friend - otherwise I think it will stress you out every time the wedding is talked about.

Seconded! A bit embarrassing but really not a big deal - try to process to and move on with continuing to be a good friend to the groom and his new husband.

miraveile · 22/12/2022 22:50

Oh OP this is no big deal! No one will even care
I don't know why they advised you not to tell your mate though - maybe they're worried he'll be mad at them for getting you drunk?
Either way, tell him if you like and don't sweat it!

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 22/12/2022 22:51

That would be a normal night out back in the 90’s so I would just chalk it down as experience and not worry about it too much x

Rushingfool · 22/12/2022 22:51

Tell your friend. If you don't, you will feel like it's a big shameful secret for ever, which it isn't. If you tell them, then one day you will be able to laugh about it. I'm glad you're ok, and don't worry - you're not the first and won't be the last that something like this has happened to.

Sabrina145 · 22/12/2022 22:52

Oh to clarify -the whole not telling him thing I think is because they know I’m such a conscientious person and I don’t want it to like ‘taint the memory’ they also know I was sorely embarrassed and I think that’s the whole
Don’t say anything - they were basically saying nobody needs to know who wasn’t there . They said I was unwell not like I caused trouble etc and because all worked out and I’m home and safe just to leave it be

OP posts:
Bicurator · 22/12/2022 22:53

Poor thing, you haven’t ruined anything, the only person adversely affected by this was you, chalk it up to experience and next time just join in the dancing instead of the shots ☺️

Player001 · 22/12/2022 22:55

We've all (well mostly) been there at some stage. One day you will be able to laugh about it, i promise. Perhaps it will be incorporated into your speech at their 10th anniversary.

OneFrenchEgg · 22/12/2022 22:59

I don't think we've all been there - I don't know anyone who's been taken to hospital for being drunk and put on a drip. But loads of us have drink too much and made a tit of ourselves.
The small number of people sound lovely and very mature. I'd probably say to the sister you appreciate it but might feel better telling your friend. Otherwise she will be saying you were fine and it will be weird.

dcut · 22/12/2022 22:59

You haven't ruined your life.
I thought it was going to be way worse than that from the title.
eg. You got wasted and shagged his sister
You drove drunk and lost your licence.
You caused grievous bodily harm to someone by getting into a fight while drunk.
You fell over and hit your face on a table and knocked your 4 front teeth out (happened to a friend of mine)

Yes, it wasn't great. Shouldn't have happened. You had a couple of drinks too many and you have a low tolerance to alcohol so that meant you reacted badly and vomited. It's embarrassing but you've apologized to those involved directly. Having to go to hospital is bad but you had a bad reaction and there was no choice but to take you in.

I wouldn't bother telling your friend and I think you should chat to the other family members there as if nothing has happened. And you've apologized already so that should be enough.

pangolina · 22/12/2022 23:01

Honestly don't worry about it. If I was his sister I would just be glad that you had been safe with me while in a vulnerable state and I wouldn't think badly of you.
Most people have an experience of being wasted that is mortifying to them but for everyone else is just funny.
Obviously you didn't intend to get that drunk but you didn't start a fight/ declare your love for the groom/ lose the ring/ accidentally call his mum a c*nt during the speech... it could have been way worse!
Be kinder to yourself and it will all be yesterday's news before you know it.

KaleToChristmas · 22/12/2022 23:02

How long ago was this OP? You sound so distressed that I wonder if you are still experiencing the hangover and all the anxiety it can bring.

I also thought this would be way worse, based on the title. It sounds to me as though your drink could have been spiked. If I were your friend my main concern would be your wellbeing. I don't see why you can't talk to him about it If it were me I would find it odd to learn about it later.

Regardless, I think your priority for now is to give yourself some TLC. Your body has been poisoned and you need to recover. You sound like a great friend and this will not have any lasting impact unless you let it.

Hobbes8 · 22/12/2022 23:03

My father in law got hammered and started a fight at my wedding, whilst my mother in law sobbed “it should be yooooooou” at my brother in law’s girlfriend. I rolled my eyes and kept dancing.

Read some of the terrible wedding stories on here and you’ll feel much better. It’s horribly embarrassing to lose control and I feel for you, but I think the important thing is there was absolutely no malice in your actions. So many people use wedding drunkenness as an excuse to air decades old grievances <gives FIL side-eye>. Yours sounds like a very genuine and lovely friendship that his family appreciates.

NosyNeighbour22 · 22/12/2022 23:07

firstly like many others here I don’t think this is as bad as you think it is, it actually probably feels worse because you haven’t told your friend about it. If he was such a good friend that you were included in his wedding then he isn’t going to disown you because you got drunk after they left the wedding. You will
feel a lot better about the situation once you have spoken to your felled about what happened.
Secondly, I’m afraid the only way to deal with a situation like getting really drunk and throwing up all over the place is to own it, tell everyone who asks about the wedding, laugh at yourself if you can force yourself to see the funny side of it, don’t be ashamed. It was silly but most people have had regrettable nights when they have been drinking even well into their 20s and beyond and as long as you aren’t making it a regular occurrence no one will think any worse of you for it.

JeezLouiseErrrr · 22/12/2022 23:10

It's ok you're not a bad person for it. All the people that matter see this and forgive you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 22/12/2022 23:11

As you were so very very sick I reckon you ate something that didn't agree with you. Dont keep worrying most of us have drunk too much in our lives.

Perpop · 22/12/2022 23:13

We’ve all done it (well most of us). You were safe, with safe people and nothing bad happened. Don’t let the anxiety get you ❤️

Member869894 · 22/12/2022 23:16

I would think most of us have done similar. Could you say you were on antibiotics and blame your reaction on that?