Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I ruined my life……drunk woman of honour role

99 replies

Sabrina145 · 22/12/2022 22:32

Hello.long post so feel free to skim! I’m reasonably new here it was recommend to me by my sister. She said you are all a supportive but honest bunch of people. She did say this was not a great first thread to start with as I might get some hurtful responses. But I’m already so angry at myself so be honest!

I was the woman of honour at one of my best friends wedding (he was marrying his long time fiancé in Malta and it was gorgeous)as he explained to me it’s basically the female version of a best man! It was a brilliant wedding and I was fine for the duration of it. However, after the two grooms had gone to bed and most guests had left, his sister was having a few people
up to her hotel room for late night snacks and some more drinks. It was supposed to be loads of us , grooms bridal party etc but people were exhausted and headed to bed. I’m not a big drinker in any shape or form- rarely have it. And have a bad tolerance as I’m not a regular drinker. But I stupidly was caught up in the fun of the night and went back for ‘one more’. I ended up doing a shot which I can’t handle and a little bit more vodka.

Long story short I started vomiting in front of everyone. I was wearing a light gold (expensive!!) dress and vomited all over myself too. The dress and shoes! (The dress has been cleaned since but the shoes I had to bin as they were too bad) It all gets worse! the groom’s sister was holding a bag for me to get sick in and I projectile vomited so it went on the hotel carpet and some sick got on her too which I’m horrified about. I had an apology gift and card sent to her. She was lovely the next day - told me I did an amazing job as bridesmaid and I just had a bad response to the drink after. She said I was beating myself up way too much and to forget it and that I’m a wonderful friend to her brother. (Been there for him a lot in the past).

I have complete blanks in my memory then at parts but basically paramedics were called for me as I was so drunk . I was told
I was ‘passing out’ but I think it was more a drunken stupor. I’m so so embarrassed. I was found out I was brought to the ambulance in a wheelchair but I’ve no memory of this. I remember some parts on the way though it’s like my memory goes in and out. I know I threw up in the ambulance and on the ground outside the hospital and then was vomiting none stop for a while. I got sick on the floor of the hospital too when I woke up. They had to give me a rehydration drip as it was literally non-stop. Can’t believe it and I’m an adult in my mid-late twenties. Disgusted at myself! I work in a healthcare setting myself back home and I have so much respect for staff and the system. I’d never let this happen sober.not trying to justify but I think celebrating after lockdowns etc got to me.

So, as I said not many went back to the room so it was just his sister, an aunt I think and her best friend and the best friends partner. So not many. The sister told me we are best not telling her brother as it was all sorted, I’m fine and the wedding was amazing. This happened last week and I’ve spoke. To my friend and he’s none the wiser. I don’t like being dishonest however I hate feeling like I’m not telling him. I also don’t want to burst his happy bubble about me being such a mess. And it wasn’t at the actual wedding it was the ‘after party’ and he and his new husband weren’t there.

So is it life ruining?! How much will his family member judge me, will I ever recover my reputation and AIBU to want to tell my friend due to my guilt. I cried for ages after the event as I feel I’ve ruined my happy memories of what was such a good wedding and my chance to be a bridesmaid/woman of honour which I loved doing. Thanks!

OP posts:
dogtheted · 23/12/2022 11:02

sticking the cake knife in the groom’s mother

😂

icanwearwhatiwant · 23/12/2022 11:07

So is it life ruining?!
Not even a little bit, plenty of people have an "oh god I can't believe I got that drunk" story. As a one off it's a funny story, just don't make a habit of it.

How much will his family member judge me, will I ever recover my reputation

as above, as long as you're not doing it every week people will either forget, see it as a funny story or pull a bit of a face and ignore it. Depending on how straight laced they are.

and AIBU to want to tell my friend due to my guilt
Don't tell him, not because it should be a guilty secret but because by "confessing" you're turning it into a massive drama and will look a bit attention seeking to be honest. It'll come out at some point but won't be a big deal.

It happened, you apologised, you feel rotten now move on!

beachcitygirl · 23/12/2022 11:10

In my late teens I had the loveliest boyfriend ever. His sister was a total cow to him always. Like really really awful.

I got very drunk at her wedding, and told her she looked "fat as fuck" (she did) but that's still horrific of me.

I had the very very worst fear ever. Still shudder when I think of it.

You got drunk and puked. Don't beat yourself up OP x

Georgeskitchen · 23/12/2022 11:13

Yoir not the first and you sure won't be the last. Laugh it off and move on x

Durango · 23/12/2022 11:15

Christ I thought you’d shagged the grooms dad or something, not just puked from too much booze

OP I was at a proper posh wedding and two sisters started fighting on the dance floor and knocked the very expensive cake over. Bride crying, mother of the bride crying, security called in.

Yours is nothing in comparison!

Thefriendlyone · 23/12/2022 11:17

Sounds like uou had so much you had alcohol poisoning. You were lucky others called for emergency services. I don’t think it’s some life is over event, but I think you need to learn your limits, this isn’t about the wedding, it’s abuse of alcohol That night that was so excessive you could have died

OriginalUsername2 · 23/12/2022 11:18

It sounds like you want more attention for it? I would just let it go, everyone else seems to want to!

notsorich · 23/12/2022 11:21

Yes, it was embarrassing. But thankfully, hardly anyone who knows you or your friend knows about it - the paramedics in Malta are unlikely to ever see you again. The person you threw up on has forgiven you and told you to let it go - I think it's time to forgive yourself and stop fretting about it.

I think the time to tell your friend has passed. You clearly didn't ruin his wedding, given he didn't even realise it had happened. What does telling him accomplish other than easing your own misplaced guilt?

Incidentally, if you have a low alcohol tolerance (I do too), it takes very little to get you into that state, so unlike previous posters, I wouldn't assume a spiked drink. We all have different limits, and some of us have very low ones. You live and learn. I'm sure you won't be drinking anywhere near that much again, now you know your body just can't handle it!

No one else is holding this against you. Like your friend's sister says, you don't need to beat yourself up. It's one embarrassing moment in a long life of much happier memories.

TabithaTittlemouse · 23/12/2022 11:24

The grooms sister sounds lovely.
You were unwell, you didn’t hurt anyone. You haven’t ruined your life (or anyone else’s).

If he does find out just say that you didn’t want to worry him.

Crazyinlove123 · 23/12/2022 11:24

Embarrassing yes, life ruined absolutely not. You got pissed and threw up. I honestly thought you were going to say something much much worse

Angrywife · 23/12/2022 11:28

From what you've said, it sounds far more than you had a couple of drinks too many. I'd question if your drink could have been spiked or if you'd got food poisoning maybe.
Being sick from over indulging in alcohol doesn't normally (in my experience) result in such prolonged vomiting and concern that paramedics are needed

lalaloopyhead · 23/12/2022 11:31

I thought you were going to say something along the lines of you are married and ended up copping of with the grooms sister or something.

Embarrassing yes, life-ruining definitely not. Take as a lesson to not have that 'just one more' drink and move on.

LolaMoon · 23/12/2022 11:47

How long ago was this OP? You sound so distressed that I wonder if you are still experiencing the hangover and all the anxiety it can bring

I was wondering this too- if it was yesterday or the day before you probably have hanxiety which is well known side effect of alcohol wearing off. Alcohol is a depressant of your central nervous system so your body floods your brain with stimulants to counter effect the depressing effects of the alcohol. Problem is, the alcohol wears off quicker than the stimulants so your brain ends up wired up on stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline causing you to feel jittery, anxious and paranoid. This will subside in a day or two.

That aside, I think you need to do some self reflection on why you think this negates you being a "good person". The way you talk about this is as if you feel this brands you now as some kind of social pariah when in reality, we've all got hideously drunk at some point in our lives. It is no reflection on our character and it doesnt mean we arent good, conscientious people. Alcohol is an addictive chemical which literally changes your brain chemistry- if you behaved in a way that wasnt reflective of "you" its because your brain chemistry was off so it in NO way reflects who you actually are as a person.

You didnt hurt anyone, you didnt strip naked, you didnt hit anyone, you didnt come on to anyone, you didnt curse at anyone and you apologised. Please let this go now and stop beating yourself up for what is essentially an embarrassing but quite funny story. This in NO way has ruined your life and everyone has been lovely about it. You're fine.

thewinterwitch · 23/12/2022 11:50

His sister sounds like a kind and sensible person. The shame and mortification and horror you are feeling will die down. Let it lie. Maybe, at some later date, you might want to tell your friend, but there is no need to lay a drama on him now, and no point in distressing yourself further over what has happened to many people who drink a bit too much at an event. It's just human.

80s · 23/12/2022 11:58

Sounds pretty nightmarish for you, but not that terrible for the others - you were whisked off in the ambulance and they missed the rest. And it sounds like you have some lovely understanding friends - isn't that great? :)

zingally · 23/12/2022 12:00

Nah, it's not worth flogging yourself to death over. You've learnt your lesson, and won't do it again.

I would personally tell your friend though. I'm amazed he hasn't already heard. If my maid of honour had ended up in hospital the night of my wedding day, I'd want to know about - even after the fact.

July70 · 23/12/2022 12:01

We've all been there often in our early 20's the point is learn from it.

I once vaguely recall getting home and no knickers the next day. I was a bit worried but not that much as I often had one or more one night stands but could not recall any. My best mate told me, ie i took them off and was waving them at a couple of guys as she got me into the cab and thrw them out of the cab window as we drove along. That taught me to drink less.

MILLYmo0se · 23/12/2022 12:03

I think his sister and family sound lovely to be reassuring you that they werent going to be bitching or gossiping to your friend about what happened, theres no reason you cant tell him about it if its weighing on you though.
Its not that bad either tbh, mortifying yes, but you didnt hurt anyone or yourself (once you got over the alcohol, no broken bones), you didnt verbally abuse anyone, damage property, cause a public scene and manys the wedding that has one or all of these things happen!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 23/12/2022 12:04

You haven't ruined your life or the wedding, just a pair of shoes.

Chill

Most people have at some point got too drunk and embarrassed themselves and/or vomited. Look on the bright side, you were in a safe environment with people who looked after you and are supportive. You didn't say anything dreadful or upset anyone or cause an upset during the wedding.

I don't think the sister means that you should keep this as a dirty secret, just that you don't need to make some big guilty confession.

I am sure that if when you are feeling a bit better you said to your friend that you had too much and puked after the wedding he would be fairly unbothered. However while you are feeling as guilty and anxious as you clearly are you are likely to make a big deal about it and make things worse.

You have apologised and thanked those who helped you which is the right thing to do. From now on just go with a self deprecating sheepish reaction if/when you speak to anyone who knows. Make a bit of a joke, at your own expense and forget it.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 12:09

What are you hoping to get out of the thread OP? Why did your sister suggest you join Mumsnet to specifically ask a group of strangers what they think?

RambamThankyouMam · 23/12/2022 12:09

It's pretty disgusting but not the end of the world. Just chalk it up to experience and don't get too sloshed at events.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 12:10

She said you are all a supportive but honest bunch of people.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 12:12

i can’t imagine my sister coming to me with this and asking for my thoughts and my advice being

”join this parenting site I’m on, called mumsnet, and outline in detail what happened and then ask a group of stranger whether they think you’re being unreasonable”

TofuonToast · 23/12/2022 12:14

Are you sure your drink wasn’t spiked? Happened to me once and I want from merry to unconscious and barely breathing in a matter of about an hour.

lili2308 · 23/12/2022 12:19

Honestly don't worry at all. I think most of us had to deal with a very drunk friend at some point in our lives and probably more than once and unless this is a regular occurrence (which it doesn't sound like it was!!) no one will care. Well I personally wouldn't - I would do my best to care for the person but unless it happens regularly it will come with zero judgement from me. And I'm in my late 20s.

Swipe left for the next trending thread