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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I ruined my life……drunk woman of honour role

99 replies

Sabrina145 · 22/12/2022 22:32

Hello.long post so feel free to skim! I’m reasonably new here it was recommend to me by my sister. She said you are all a supportive but honest bunch of people. She did say this was not a great first thread to start with as I might get some hurtful responses. But I’m already so angry at myself so be honest!

I was the woman of honour at one of my best friends wedding (he was marrying his long time fiancé in Malta and it was gorgeous)as he explained to me it’s basically the female version of a best man! It was a brilliant wedding and I was fine for the duration of it. However, after the two grooms had gone to bed and most guests had left, his sister was having a few people
up to her hotel room for late night snacks and some more drinks. It was supposed to be loads of us , grooms bridal party etc but people were exhausted and headed to bed. I’m not a big drinker in any shape or form- rarely have it. And have a bad tolerance as I’m not a regular drinker. But I stupidly was caught up in the fun of the night and went back for ‘one more’. I ended up doing a shot which I can’t handle and a little bit more vodka.

Long story short I started vomiting in front of everyone. I was wearing a light gold (expensive!!) dress and vomited all over myself too. The dress and shoes! (The dress has been cleaned since but the shoes I had to bin as they were too bad) It all gets worse! the groom’s sister was holding a bag for me to get sick in and I projectile vomited so it went on the hotel carpet and some sick got on her too which I’m horrified about. I had an apology gift and card sent to her. She was lovely the next day - told me I did an amazing job as bridesmaid and I just had a bad response to the drink after. She said I was beating myself up way too much and to forget it and that I’m a wonderful friend to her brother. (Been there for him a lot in the past).

I have complete blanks in my memory then at parts but basically paramedics were called for me as I was so drunk . I was told
I was ‘passing out’ but I think it was more a drunken stupor. I’m so so embarrassed. I was found out I was brought to the ambulance in a wheelchair but I’ve no memory of this. I remember some parts on the way though it’s like my memory goes in and out. I know I threw up in the ambulance and on the ground outside the hospital and then was vomiting none stop for a while. I got sick on the floor of the hospital too when I woke up. They had to give me a rehydration drip as it was literally non-stop. Can’t believe it and I’m an adult in my mid-late twenties. Disgusted at myself! I work in a healthcare setting myself back home and I have so much respect for staff and the system. I’d never let this happen sober.not trying to justify but I think celebrating after lockdowns etc got to me.

So, as I said not many went back to the room so it was just his sister, an aunt I think and her best friend and the best friends partner. So not many. The sister told me we are best not telling her brother as it was all sorted, I’m fine and the wedding was amazing. This happened last week and I’ve spoke. To my friend and he’s none the wiser. I don’t like being dishonest however I hate feeling like I’m not telling him. I also don’t want to burst his happy bubble about me being such a mess. And it wasn’t at the actual wedding it was the ‘after party’ and he and his new husband weren’t there.

So is it life ruining?! How much will his family member judge me, will I ever recover my reputation and AIBU to want to tell my friend due to my guilt. I cried for ages after the event as I feel I’ve ruined my happy memories of what was such a good wedding and my chance to be a bridesmaid/woman of honour which I loved doing. Thanks!

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 12:20

You didn’t cover yourself in glory Op
and you would have messed up others nights with your drama
but… you’ve apologised. There’s really not much more you can do other just move on.

and I would trust the sister re not telling the brother. Why tell him something that a) is in the past b) had nothing to do with him c) might make him feel upset that his family was having to deal with this drama when he’s imagined them enjoying the evening

Echobelly · 23/12/2022 12:21

YABVU - it wasn't even at the wedding; it had no impact on the wedding at at all, things just went too far at some small drinks afterwards. No one's life is ruined, no one's friendships are ruined (sounds like groom's sister is lovely an understanding), you've apologised and it's been accepted; it's not going to affect your job or your relationships so I'd say it's pretty definitively not life ruining!

evilharpy · 23/12/2022 12:21

SpookySpoon22 · 22/12/2022 23:28

Without knowing how much you drank, it sounds like your drink was spiked....I know someone this happened to and it sounds very similar (non stop vomiting, memory blanks and paramedics called).

I wondered this too. It doesn't sound normal to vomit that many times just from overdoing the booze a bit, nor to pass out or have the memory blanks. I've been spiked once in my life and had a very similar reaction after only a couple of beers, when normally I'm never ever sick from drink (I'll feel like absolute shit the next day if I overdo it but I never throw up). I wonder if someone slipped something into your drink in the hotel.

Anyway you sound lovely (and you clearly don't have form for dickish behaviour after a few drinks), and the people you were with also sound lovely, so I would just thank them for looking after you and move on.

Upsidedownagain · 23/12/2022 12:28

It's not like you ruined the wedding, and you did not do it on purpose. It sounds like those who witnessed it were understanding. One day you'll be dining out on this story, or even using it as a dire warning to your teenagers! Dont worry about it - mo obe will think the worse of you, and if they do, they're idiots.

I'd tell your friend -but maybe wait till after the honeymoon since newly married people can get emotional about anything. (My best friend cried bitterly on the morning of their wedding because the flowers were delivered slightly late.)

Dervel · 23/12/2022 12:31

You sound genuinely lovely OP. We can all be susceptible to overdoing it sometimes. I wouldn’t think anything of it. Sounds like you are a very important support and knocked it out of the park during the wedding itself! It should be just a funny story you can tell now!!

boredOf · 23/12/2022 12:31

You will be fine, might not seem like it now but you will.

Brokendaughter · 23/12/2022 12:34

You did something stupid OP, but it was after the wedding.

If you'd done that in the middle of their ceremony, then it would have been much worse, but the wedding couple had already finished the public part of their day & all you did was get way too drunk.

It's probably going to make you feel embarrassed when you think of it, but really unless you do it every time you go out with that group of people so they think you can't ever control your alcohol intake, it's not that big of a deal.

ancientgran · 23/12/2022 12:41

You aren't lying though, I don't expect my friends to tell me every time they have one too many or even if they vomit. His sister sounds lovely, learn the lesson and move on.

I'm teetotal so haven't got the vaguest about how it feels to drink too much, doesn't sound like much fun to me.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 23/12/2022 12:53

These things happen. I wouldn’t lie and say you’re on antibiotics or anything I’d just apologise and say it won’t happen again and you’re not used to excess drink. Maybe say if this is the case that you need food and water with alcohol so you don’t get drunk.

When I first got drunk as a teenager at a party at parents house I was violently sick and then once or twice in late teens early 20s both with wine and cheese. I soon realised wine isn’t great for me.

I even got drunk aged 24 at my work leaving do where the MD’s PA was plying me with drink (kept on buying drinks even when I said no), ended up being sick in his office bin where they took me back to. I just learned to be really careful with drink after that. I did also learn to take milk thistle or have something carby to eat beforehand to line my stomach.

Fenella123 · 23/12/2022 12:54

You made a mistake and got your judgement of how much you could safely drink wrong, you have been sincerely apologizing since and making good the damage.
People screw up! We all do!!
As long as going forward you take responsibility, don't judge others over much, and take steps not to make a similar mistake again, people will forgive you the way they would like you to forgive THEIR screwups. Simple.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 23/12/2022 12:55

Sweetheart you are fine, you just are not a big drinker - lesson learned.

Piggleton · 23/12/2022 13:08

Forgive yourself. I know it feels like it but it’s not the end of the world. Your behaviour was bad but that doesn’t make you a bad person. The people who matter will forgive you. Try not to batter yourself too much, you’re human and we all fuck up sometimes! Just don’t do it again ❤️

PrincessScarlett · 23/12/2022 13:12

Agree with some other posters. To vomit this much over several hours it sounds like you either had a sick bug, food poisoning or your drink was spiked.

When you vomit from having too many drinks it tends to be once or twice or a handful of times at most.

GirlOfTudor · 23/12/2022 13:18

I was expecting a much more extreme story.
So you got incredibly drunk and needed hospital care. Stupid? Yes. Should you know better? Absolutely. Ruined anyone's life? No, don't be ridiculous. All this will be an interesting tale in a year's time.

Wheresthebeach · 23/12/2022 13:19

In the nicest way OP you are overreacting to this - you ruined a pair of shoes, had an embarrassing time ( you have every right to feel mortified) but this is hardly life ruining stuff. You didn’t ruin the wedding, far less your life.

I do agree with the others that it sounds an extreme reaction to alcohol and wonder is food poisoning is a possibility or a spiked drink. Were bloods done?

AllNightDiner · 23/12/2022 13:26

SpookySpoon22 · 22/12/2022 23:28

Without knowing how much you drank, it sounds like your drink was spiked....I know someone this happened to and it sounds very similar (non stop vomiting, memory blanks and paramedics called).

Completely agree and was about to say the same thing myself. Ketamine can have this effect on top of alcohol - uncontrollable vomiting and loss of consciousness. It also depresses respiration and could have had much worse consequences for you than the mortification you understandably feel. I would be quite suspicious of the fact that you're apparently being sworn to secrecy about this incident, and wonder if your friend is likely to be aware of who in the room was responsible.

In general, keeping secrets because someone else thinks it's a good idea is a actually a bad idea imo.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 13:59

No one on mumsnet can ever just get shit faced can they??

Mamamia32 · 23/12/2022 14:07

Sounds like you really didn't ruin anything for anyone. I do understand why you're embarrassed but it happened after the wedding and you've sent a sorry present. Nothing more you can do.

I think if you told the groom he wouldn't care and might laugh at you but I'm basing that on my own friends.

GreenManalishi · 23/12/2022 14:14

Don't dwell, the only thing you've ruined is a pair of shoes, it's ok

This is standard practice for male wedding party members, nobody would bat an eyelid if you were a man. No harm fine, don't give it another thought, blame it on a dodgy prawn

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 14:44

Mamamia32 · 23/12/2022 14:07

Sounds like you really didn't ruin anything for anyone. I do understand why you're embarrassed but it happened after the wedding and you've sent a sorry present. Nothing more you can do.

I think if you told the groom he wouldn't care and might laugh at you but I'm basing that on my own friends.

Oh come on.
let’s be honest. This would most definitely have ruined the sister’s night.

Her bag was committed in! Presumably with her stuff in it. Lovely.

And an ambulance called. So waiting for that, then dealing with a paramedic.

if you are going to genuinely “own” something you have to be honest about the consequences on others, and whilst not exactly life or death, it definitely would have put a huge dampener on the sister’s night

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 14:44

Her bag was vomited in

Sabrina145 · 23/12/2022 15:06

@Ursuladevine No it wasn’t her bag. It was a plastic bag! Come on let’s not add to the list 🙈

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 15:22

Ok sorry I missed that it wasn’t her bag

but when you projectile vomited some got on her 🤮. I’d have chosen my bag personally!

AllOfThemWitches · 23/12/2022 15:27

Honestly, nothing but sympathy from me.

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