Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out?

88 replies

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 21:51

I had a baby 6 months ago.
I'm back at work and DP is currently a stay at home parent.
I'm due to go out with a friend tomorrow for a meal. The place my friend has booked is quite posh.

DP was going to be staying with the baby at home, and I was planning to go and meet friend.

DP has a cold.
I asked DP 'would you like me to cancel seeing friend?'

DP replied saying I hadn't asked a fair question saying 'I obviously wouldn't ask you to cancel when you've been working and haven't been out for a while'.

I have offered to take the baby with me to meet friend.
DP has said it might be too stressful for me as I'm going into a busy town (I do get stressed in busy places) but then also said to me
'but it isn't really fair for me to be here with the baby all day when I'm not well. It isn't fair on the baby when it's just me looking after DC'.

I don't know what to do?
What would you do? Cancel? Take baby?

OP posts:
pigonalipstick · 22/12/2022 21:53

Does it have to be all day? Can you not do the childcare tomorrow while DP rests, then hand over to him for a few hours while you go to your meal?

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/12/2022 21:54

Go out and he can look after the baby. I bet if it was the other way round he would still go out.

xmaslurgy · 22/12/2022 21:54

pigonalipstick · 22/12/2022 21:53

Does it have to be all day? Can you not do the childcare tomorrow while DP rests, then hand over to him for a few hours while you go to your meal?

Presumably OP is working?

gamerchick · 22/12/2022 21:54

Get another babysitter. Can't stand hinting though, just say what you want FFS.

gamerchick · 22/12/2022 21:56

Or take the baby. No idea why he's whinging at that unless he wants you to stroke his brow and run around after him.

TheShellBeach · 22/12/2022 21:56

Posh places do not generally welcome young babies, in my experience, OP.

xmaslurgy · 22/12/2022 21:56

You should decide really if he's not going to

mynameiscalypso · 22/12/2022 21:56

I'd just go. Like many people, I've had the cold of doom recently and I still managed to look after my child. It's just something you do as a parent; a day of chilling out at home won't hurt your baby.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 22/12/2022 21:59

He has a cold. Not Covid /Flu /Plague..
How would a single df manage?
Get thy self out alone op.
And feel no bloody guilt.

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 22:03

The meal is at 12pm and I imagine I'd be home for about 5pm.
DP is coughing extra loud this evening.

@xmaslurgy
I'm not working tomorrow, it's my day off.

OP posts:
JoyeuxNarwhal · 22/12/2022 22:05

Would he cancel for you if you were sick and in sole charge of dc?

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 22:05

@TheShellBeach
DP also said that.

OP posts:
Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 22:06

@JoyeuxNarwhal
To be honest, probably yes. I'm not 100% but quite sure.

OP posts:
NoContactatXmas · 22/12/2022 22:07

It depends on how poorly he is. Being the part time working parent currently on mat leave (and a woman) I’ve been left to look after baby whilst delirious with covid and other illnesses. I’ve also been left to look after older child in a dark room whilst she had a poor sickness bug. Personally, I think the SAHM gets a bit of a raw deal but has to suck it up. You can see how poorly he is and whether he needs the reprieve.

Hbh17 · 22/12/2022 22:07

He has a cold. So, of course, he is perfectly capable of looking after his child! Just go out as planned!

pigonalipstick · 22/12/2022 22:08

I think you do pre 12 then and let him rest, plus bed time, and go for your meal. Presumably the baby will nap some of the afternoon while you're out, so he only actually has them for a couple of hours?

BrutusMcDogface · 22/12/2022 22:08

Just go. A cold is a cold. It shouldn’t stop him parenting.

WorkCleanRepeat · 22/12/2022 22:09

I'd either take the baby or drop baby off with my Mum/Dad and go as planned.

xmaslurgy · 22/12/2022 22:15

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 22:03

The meal is at 12pm and I imagine I'd be home for about 5pm.
DP is coughing extra loud this evening.

@xmaslurgy
I'm not working tomorrow, it's my day off.

Absolutely fine then. At some point your child will nap. Go out have fun.

xmaslurgy · 22/12/2022 22:15

WorkCleanRepeat · 22/12/2022 22:09

I'd either take the baby or drop baby off with my Mum/Dad and go as planned.

Why? I've looked after DC while I'm ill. Its fine.

Jimboscott0115 · 22/12/2022 22:18

Go out, enjoy yourself. A cold is not enough of an excuse to get out of parenting.

Cosycover · 22/12/2022 22:19

Depends how bad he is.

If I was really ill I'd expect my DH to stay in.

If I had a normal mild cold then I'd tell him to go.

Snugglemonkey · 22/12/2022 22:21

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 22:03

The meal is at 12pm and I imagine I'd be home for about 5pm.
DP is coughing extra loud this evening.

@xmaslurgy
I'm not working tomorrow, it's my day off.

Jesus, go out. He has a fucking cold, he will be grand.

TheMoth · 22/12/2022 22:35

Go. Enjoy yourself. Do not respond to any martyr like texts when you are out.

I was once so ill with my sinuses (infected, it turns out) that I phoned my mum for help. Dh was in work, there was snow. Mum was also ill. I just lay on the floor all day and the 1 and 3 year old played around me or watched cbeebies. This was about 10 years ago. Everyone was fine.

Ourlittleharmonica · 22/12/2022 23:09

It "isn't fair" on him? It's his baby too!!! Go for your meal, enjoy it, and take over the parenting when you get home and he can go to bed at 5pm with his cold. Martyrdom drives me nuts, there have been days where I had migraines so bad I couldn't see but I still had young children to watch. Also not being funny OP but 6 month olds are fairly easy to entertain for a few hours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread