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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out?

88 replies

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 21:51

I had a baby 6 months ago.
I'm back at work and DP is currently a stay at home parent.
I'm due to go out with a friend tomorrow for a meal. The place my friend has booked is quite posh.

DP was going to be staying with the baby at home, and I was planning to go and meet friend.

DP has a cold.
I asked DP 'would you like me to cancel seeing friend?'

DP replied saying I hadn't asked a fair question saying 'I obviously wouldn't ask you to cancel when you've been working and haven't been out for a while'.

I have offered to take the baby with me to meet friend.
DP has said it might be too stressful for me as I'm going into a busy town (I do get stressed in busy places) but then also said to me
'but it isn't really fair for me to be here with the baby all day when I'm not well. It isn't fair on the baby when it's just me looking after DC'.

I don't know what to do?
What would you do? Cancel? Take baby?

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 23/12/2022 07:41

Oh no he has a man cold which means he can't look after his baby

Lone parent of 3 here. I looked after my DCs 24/7 with all sorts of minor and serious illnesses (including covid and broken bones!) Unless he's crawling around the floor unable to stand, is puking non stop down the toilet or is comatose, he's being ridiculous.

If he's well enough for his mates to pop round to socialise, he's well enough to take care of his own baby.
Check on him though by text when you're out and don't make it a long one as he sounds a flake

gamerchick · 23/12/2022 07:51

But also, DP has friends coming round today and hasn't cancelled them

Go to your thing, he's trying it on.

olympicsrock · 23/12/2022 07:52

Don’t take the baby. It will ruin it for you. The other diners abs your friend won’t thank you for it.

DH can sleep in the morning and then look after the baby in the afternoon with the help of his friends. It’s 6 hours for goodness sake . He can cope.

nancydroo · 23/12/2022 07:55

Do what you would want him to do if it was the other way round

booklovingmum · 23/12/2022 07:59

You are absolutely NBU!

He has a cold, just a cold FFS. he needs to grow up and handle it so you can have a nice time!

Do not take the baby, if he is well enough to have friends round then clearly he is well enough to have his baby whilst you have a few hours out.

Who is watching the baby whilst he friends are round, you? Well he can return the favour and watch the baby whilst you see your friends and stop being selfish.

Speaking as a mum who has zero zero time for herself and no social life, please go, without baby and please enjoy yourself. Your DH will survive, 6 month olds are not that difficult, if it was a toddler then fair enough I'd maybe think differently but at 6months old they're just gorgeous little potatoes that do nothing (gosh I miss that stage 🥲)

booklovingmum · 23/12/2022 08:04

Wait. I've just reread, so you're due to go out today, he wants you to take the baby because he has a cold, but he also has friends coming round today, and hasn't cancelled on them?!

WTF. That's an utter utter piss take. Tell him his friends can help him out then if they're coming round can't they.

Have a great time OP ❤️

StegosaurusRex · 23/12/2022 08:07

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/12/2022 21:54

Go out and he can look after the baby. I bet if it was the other way round he would still go out.

This. 100% this.

jackstini · 23/12/2022 08:18

Now I've read the update and he has friends coming round?!

100% leave the baby with him. If he's well enough for people to visit they can all look after the baby for a few hours

It's a cold for goodness sake - there will be much harder times to come!

You would be very unreasonable to take the baby to the meal. Your friend has planned a posh restaurant for grown up food, drinks and conversation - not baby friendly and taking them will ruin it. Your friend would be pissed of and rightly so!
Do not do this!!!!

PopTartsAreLife · 23/12/2022 08:24

Do not take the baby. Do not cancel. Been there, done that, my useless DH tried every excuse of 'man flu' and colds not to do any parenting when I wanted a rare few child free hours. Miraculously was always feeling fine enough for his own plans. It's a bloody cold fgs, don't pander to it. Tell him the restaurant doesn't allow children so baby is staying with him, point him in the direction of the lemsip, cheerily tell him you'll be back soon and off you go. And don't read any texts he sends while you're gone.

toffeeapple77 · 23/12/2022 08:26

If this wet the other way round and the sick SAHM were left to look after the baby, people would be baying for the husbands blood, so do keep the advice on here in perspective! You will get favourable advice to go because you're a woman going for cocktails not a man going for beers.

maddy68 · 23/12/2022 08:45

Wait ...he's got a cold?

Jesus. Go out. Don't take the baby with you that's not fair on your friend as it changes the dynamic.

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 09:35

The friends are actually coming round to see the baby and bring Christmas gifts for the baby etc.
DP is alone with baby almost all week due to being a SAHP so isn't trying to shirk responsibilities etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 09:43

They're a couple who completely dote on the baby. I think DP forgot they were coming and would want to see the baby.

However, I already messaged friend yesterday to say about baby coming and they've now replied saying let's cancel and do it another time.

OP posts:
Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 23/12/2022 11:01

Await his miraculous recovery when you get home op.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 23/12/2022 11:02

So he gets his wish. You home.

BrutusMcDogface · 23/12/2022 11:04

I feel sorry for the friend with whom you were meant to be going to a ‘posh’ place. They have cancelled because you said you were going to bring your baby with you! For goodness sake.

Theluggage15 · 23/12/2022 11:08

I don’t blame your friend for cancelling, she booked a nice place and was probably looking forward to it but now you want to bring a baby because your partner has a cold! You and your partner sound as annoying as each other tbh.

AbreathofFrenchair · 23/12/2022 11:09

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 21:51

I had a baby 6 months ago.
I'm back at work and DP is currently a stay at home parent.
I'm due to go out with a friend tomorrow for a meal. The place my friend has booked is quite posh.

DP was going to be staying with the baby at home, and I was planning to go and meet friend.

DP has a cold.
I asked DP 'would you like me to cancel seeing friend?'

DP replied saying I hadn't asked a fair question saying 'I obviously wouldn't ask you to cancel when you've been working and haven't been out for a while'.

I have offered to take the baby with me to meet friend.
DP has said it might be too stressful for me as I'm going into a busy town (I do get stressed in busy places) but then also said to me
'but it isn't really fair for me to be here with the baby all day when I'm not well. It isn't fair on the baby when it's just me looking after DC'.

I don't know what to do?
What would you do? Cancel? Take baby?

A cold? Is he up and about and functioning? Then he can look after the baby. In bed and can barely move and shivering and suffering then he cant.

Do not take a baby to a posh place for lunch. Nothing worse than a baby ruining it for everyone else because they will no doubt cry and perform and everyone seems to think everyone else wants to see their cute baby, they don't.

Cancel if he's that poorly he cant function but I'm sure he can cope with his child for a couple of hours with a cold.

Wishimaywishimight · 23/12/2022 11:10

Could you say you called the restaurant and they say it is not suitable for babies/small children?

Noflame · 23/12/2022 11:24

One thing I’ve learnt from mumsnet is that being a stay at home dad is very different from being a stay at home mum.

nobodygirl2023 · 23/12/2022 11:29

I don't think you're wrong to out when you already have plans and he should be able to cope but it does seem to me like the MN consensus would be different if you (the woman) were the SAHP who had been at home with baby all week, feeling ill and your husband was planning to go out with his mates. Based on what I've seen on here, people would be shouting about how awful he is for even considering it lol.

Not saying you are awful at all - definitely the opposite and only you/he can decide what's best in situation but just find it interesting to see the attitudes with tables turned like this.

gamerchick · 23/12/2022 11:46

Now you've cancelled it's his turn to cancel his friends if he's so ill OP.

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 11:52

DP has cancelled friends coming round and has cancelled seeing family tomorrow, and has gone to bed.

OP posts:
booklovingmum · 23/12/2022 12:00

I would be royally peed off with my DH in this scenario OP.

He has denied you of an opportunity to go and enjoy yourself with a friend because he has A COLD.

If he was genuinely ill then it would be an entirely different story. If you had a cold would you take the time off work? I never have, not for a cold.

I wouldn't deny my partner the opportunity to have a day with his friends if I had a cold, no chance.

TheShellBeach · 23/12/2022 13:19

However, I already messaged friend yesterday to say about baby coming and they've now replied saying let's cancel and do it another time

I am not surprised. Nobody wants to go out for a posh meal (or even an unposh meal) with a six month old baby in tow.

Come on, OP. You must see that you're being unreasonable to expect your friend to be okay with this? And I have four children, BTW. I would never choose to go out for dinner with the baby if I had a chance to go without the baby.

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