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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out?

88 replies

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 21:51

I had a baby 6 months ago.
I'm back at work and DP is currently a stay at home parent.
I'm due to go out with a friend tomorrow for a meal. The place my friend has booked is quite posh.

DP was going to be staying with the baby at home, and I was planning to go and meet friend.

DP has a cold.
I asked DP 'would you like me to cancel seeing friend?'

DP replied saying I hadn't asked a fair question saying 'I obviously wouldn't ask you to cancel when you've been working and haven't been out for a while'.

I have offered to take the baby with me to meet friend.
DP has said it might be too stressful for me as I'm going into a busy town (I do get stressed in busy places) but then also said to me
'but it isn't really fair for me to be here with the baby all day when I'm not well. It isn't fair on the baby when it's just me looking after DC'.

I don't know what to do?
What would you do? Cancel? Take baby?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/12/2022 23:40

How ill is he? 9 times out of 10 with a cold I feel a bit / quite shit but just carry on and make sure I rest. 1 in 10 times I'll feel terrible with fever and aches etc. Most of those times I'd be able to look after a baby for a few hours. I think I'd go. I wouldnt be impressed if someone cancelled on me because their partner had a cold!

LittleBearPad · 22/12/2022 23:43

He’s got a cold. He’ll be fine.

presumably if you were working tomorrow he’s get on with it?

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 23:47

@DrinkFeckArseBrick
Coughing, sneezing a fair bit.

DP has now said for me to take the baby.
So it won't exactly be what was planned. I won't be able to have any cocktails and obviously it's different when there's a baby with you. I'm not sure how my friend will feel about it as they're really not a baby person.

OP posts:
Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 23:47

@LittleBearPad
Yes that's true. I didn't think of it like that. If I was working there wouldn't be any other choice.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 22/12/2022 23:59

dodgyknees12 · 22/12/2022 23:47

@LittleBearPad
Yes that's true. I didn't think of it like that. If I was working there wouldn't be any other choice.

No there wouldn’t be. He’d cope. He can cope tomorrow too.

Hugasauras · 23/12/2022 00:02

Don't take the baby. It totally changes the dynamic. He can look after his own child for a few hours. When women have colds we just have to get on with it 🤷‍♀️

2chocolateoranges · 23/12/2022 00:03

Think the fact you haven’t been out for ages and it’s a day out rather than a night then your dh should manage. He could have a pj relaxing day at home.

I wouldn’t expect dh to cancel a few hours out if I didn’t feel well and He wouldn’t expect me to either. As a parent you just middle through. I’m trying to persuade dh to go to his night out but he isn’t up for it, he’s feeling so unmotivated at work and he’s contemplating a new job.

Cas112 · 23/12/2022 00:05

If it's a cold he can look after the baby OP

America12 · 23/12/2022 00:28

I wouldn't take the baby , no. Your friend won't thank you.
He'll be ok for a few hours.

BarnacleNora · 23/12/2022 01:17

It's a cold and your baby is six months old. If he can't cope with this he's in for a horrible surprise the first time your darling child brings home some awful sickness bug from school and you both catch it and then have to parent whilst ALSO feeling like you're going to die from d&v PLUS changing sheets and pillows and duvets because kids take a really long time to learn to aim into a bowl or make it to the toilet 🤢 He'll be DREAMING of just having a cold then.

Honestly, this is nursery slopes of poorly parenting. And your baby is six months old. They'll still be sleeping during the day. They're presumably still mostly milk fed so not even proper lunch or dinner to prepare, just chuck some veg or toast their way.

Let him have a sleep in the morning then he doses up with lemsip, you go out WITHOUT the baby and enjoy your meal. It's one afternoon, he'll cope.

I'm a single parent, have been since my eldest was 17 months old and I was 8 months pregnant with my second. I've parented through migraines, colds, norovirus and, most memorably an evil case of covid that was so bad the gp wanted me admitted but my ex refused to take the kids. So I parented through that as well, with various pulse and oxygen meters at home to make sure I wasn't about to keel over in sole charge of two children.

So....even if he's feeling shit with this cold he really can do it. One six month old can be entertained with a rotation of things plonked in front of them. They can also be entertained by the bright lights and moving colours of the tv. It won't kill them to be semi babysat by the tv for one afternoon 😉

Sorry, I've waffled on but really I'm a bit enraged that he's trying to guilt you into cancelling or taking the baby for a COLD.

OooScotland · 23/12/2022 01:30

Its a cold. If you think he’s not so ill that he can’t take care of the baby just go. If you had the cold and he was going out for a meal I bet he would go, no question.

If you think he’s ill enough to be unable to look after / be a danger to the baby either get alternative childcare or ask for a raincheck on your trip out and meal.

Don’t take the baby to the restaurant meal with your friend. Please.

Spiderboy · 23/12/2022 01:35

If my OH had been run down and looked after baby all week then yes I would probably cancel my Saturday plans to give them a break. It depends though. It’s unfortunate timing but these things happen when you have kids

PotatoScone1 · 23/12/2022 01:38

I honestly hate it when my husband says to me “do you want me to just stay in tonight?” in similar circumstances. No. Don’t make me the nagging wife who wants to keep you in. You make the decision

Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 04:25

@Spiderboy
That's what I'm partly thinking.
DP has been looking after baby for the last couple of days while also having this cold. DP is sleeping in the spare room to get some proper rest and sleep as the baby still has a night feed.
I have been hearing DP coughing from the other room through the night.

But also, DP has friends coming round today and hasn't cancelled them.

OP posts:
Original poster
dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 04:26

Further to that comment I just made. It isn't like a lads day in or anything like that. It's literally two friends coming for a coffee and then will probably go after a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 23/12/2022 04:31

Don’t take the baby. It isn’t fair on your friend and it isn’t fair on the other diners, especially if it’s a posh place. it’s also not fair on you or your child

Only winner here is your DH

As others have said your DH would have no choice if you were at work but now he wants to spoil your day out. I wonder why that could be???? 🤔

harrassedmumto3 · 23/12/2022 04:46

How bad is the cold?
I would just go. It's better than making empty offers like taking the baby with you.

christmas2022 · 23/12/2022 04:58

dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 04:26

Further to that comment I just made. It isn't like a lads day in or anything like that. It's literally two friends coming for a coffee and then will probably go after a couple of hours.

And now we get to the crud of it.

He doesn't want baby interrupting HIS social.

Nah fuxk that. Go without baby. It's one bloody Christmas meal for a few hours. He will survive and you deserve it.

StoppinBy · 23/12/2022 05:01

If he's well enough to have friends then he is most certainly well enough to watch baby while you go out.

As a SAHM I've watched my kids while I or all of us have been sick more times than I can count. He's being a big sook if you ask me.

Ourlittleharmonica · 23/12/2022 06:50

Quite the drip feed there, OP.

Brilliant that he has friends coming over. That's two extra people to watch the baby while you go for your solo meal. Problem solved!

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 06:53

dodgyknees12 · 23/12/2022 04:25

@Spiderboy
That's what I'm partly thinking.
DP has been looking after baby for the last couple of days while also having this cold. DP is sleeping in the spare room to get some proper rest and sleep as the baby still has a night feed.
I have been hearing DP coughing from the other room through the night.

But also, DP has friends coming round today and hasn't cancelled them.

He's a right dick who just can't handle the thought of looking after his own child and would rather spend time with his mates. If he doesn't start stepping up and letting you have time out from baby I'd consider leaving.

Shoxfordian · 23/12/2022 06:55

He hasn’t cancelled his friends so he’s not that ill. Go to your lunch and leave baby with him; he’s being selfish

Chicaontour · 23/12/2022 06:58

Leave the baby at home. Its not an emergency and will totally change the dynamics. Please leave the baby at home. Its Christmas drinks not a coffee in a cafe.

parrotonthesofa · 23/12/2022 07:01

If he is well enough to have friends coming over, he is well enough to look after the baby.

TeaMeBasil · 23/12/2022 07:08

Come on Op, has it really not crossed your mind until that drip feed that it doesn't add up that he's far too ill to look after the baby, but is fine to have friends round for coffee?

He just doesn't want to be bothered with the baby while his mates are there and he's a bit sniffly so is happy to crap on your day out.