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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP was rude tonight

116 replies

Candycane112 · 22/12/2022 21:44

DP came round. Sensed they were moody. Moaning about my cooking and their tea. Showed hardly any affection.
I went for a shower, came back and they were reading. Which is fine, I asked what we should watch. They said they didn't mind. Carried on reading their book. I asked if they were going to read it all night or were they actually going to talk to me tonight. She snapped and began raising her voice. Called me absolutely ridiculous over and over. Then called me controlling!
I said I'm definitely not but you've come to my place to spend time together and you've just read your book all night and said hardly anything to me. She knows my background and that my ex was extremely controlling of me so I find it so out of order that they would call me controlling. She's gone to bed now and not said a word to me.

Aibu to think they were so rude and out of order to me......

OP posts:

Hiimblahblah · 24/12/2022 09:14

girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 08:10

@Hiimblahblah you clearly haven't seen my name very often then...

I'm not antagonising anyone. I think the OP was as bad as her DP, just in different ways.

I see your name constantly

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:16

@girlmom21

You do seem to be on mumsnet a heck of a lot! Whenever I dip in to a thread…. You seem to be all over it!

Itloggedmeoutagain · 24/12/2022 09:26

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:04

Previous thread she started

Show quote history

Thanks
Thought I was going mad there's no mention of kids

diddl · 24/12/2022 09:29

She then went on this rageful rant about how what she does is never good and slamming all the pots and pans around.

So you've dumped her?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 24/12/2022 09:29

I don't think OP is "hard work" and I do think her DP was rude. They don't live together, haven't seen much of each other recently, she turned up in a mood, wasn't affectionate, didn't speak much (other to moan about OP's cooking by the sound of it), and chose to read a book (which isn't the norm for them as a couple) rather than interact with OP. If she was in a bad mood she should've been mature enough to talk about it like an adult, or stay home rather than take it out on OP, not behave like a sulky teenager.
I really dislike this sort of behaviour, it gets tiresome very quickly, and OP says it's not a one off either 🙄

KatherineJaneway · 24/12/2022 09:34

It seemed to me she didn't grasp what a big appointment this was for me.

I suspect she did, she just didn't care.

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:37

Itloggedmeoutagain · 24/12/2022 09:26

Thanks
Thought I was going mad there's no mention of kids

Show quote history

Who would want to admit to having children in this scenario?!

PearlclutchersInc · 24/12/2022 09:42

Soapboxqueen · 22/12/2022 22:09

I think it depends. Maybe she had a rough day and needed time to decompress. If I've had a rough day it can take me hours to be sociable.

It was rude to complain about the food for no reason but I'd find it rude for someone to demand interaction when I was reading/not ready to talk. I'd be quite happy just sitting with dh. We don't need to be doing the same thing for us to be together.

You don't go round to someone's house and stick your nose in a book. It's a very singular activity. If she had a rough day etc she should have stayed at her own home.

After whinging about food that someone else made an effort to prepare it's especially ignorant.

Soapboxqueen · 24/12/2022 10:41

PearlclutchersInc · 24/12/2022 09:42

You don't go round to someone's house and stick your nose in a book. It's a very singular activity. If she had a rough day etc she should have stayed at her own home.

After whinging about food that someone else made an effort to prepare it's especially ignorant.

Show quote history

If i was visiting a friend then I'd agree but I wouldn't view being with my partner as 'visiting' them. It isn't an event. It's just being with them.

Same if I was visiting a friend I wouldn't take a phone call unless it was urgent. It would be odd not to take calls with a partner present. You'd get very little done.

From the OPs update it seems this might be more of a pattern of behaviour so any decisions about the future of the relationship should be taken in the round rather than on one event in the OP.

PearlclutchersInc · 24/12/2022 11:17

Soapboxqueen · 24/12/2022 10:41

If i was visiting a friend then I'd agree but I wouldn't view being with my partner as 'visiting' them. It isn't an event. It's just being with them.

Same if I was visiting a friend I wouldn't take a phone call unless it was urgent. It would be odd not to take calls with a partner present. You'd get very little done.

From the OPs update it seems this might be more of a pattern of behaviour so any decisions about the future of the relationship should be taken in the round rather than on one event in the OP.

Show quote history

I was thinking that it wasn't boding well for the future...

Frazzledmummy123 · 24/12/2022 12:27

OP, I read your update and I'm wondering if this is a sudden change in behaviour for your partner, which I'm guessing it is with you having posted on here?

This reply pretty much resembles my earlier one.
She could be pissed off about something you have said or done but not communicated this, therefore everything you do or say is angering her now (which in no way excuses her behaviour, but might explain her picking faults).
Or..
She may have something on her mind or be depressed and taking it out on you.
Or..
As stated previously, she could be being moody to get you to end it so she isn't the bad guy.

Either way, you need to talk with her about her behaviour towards you as it is wrong, and you can't be with someone and walk on eggshells all the time. Things need to change, or there is no point being together. You'll end up dreading your time together, not looking forward to it.

girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 16:13

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:16

@girlmom21

You do seem to be on mumsnet a heck of a lot! Whenever I dip in to a thread…. You seem to be all over it!

I'm never 'all over' a thread. I only tend to contribute to threads that are fairly early on - maybe that's why my username is fairly recognisable to you, as you see it early on in a thread.

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 16:25

girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 16:13

I'm never 'all over' a thread. I only tend to contribute to threads that are fairly early on - maybe that's why my username is fairly recognisable to you, as you see it early on in a thread.

Show quote history

Well this is page 5….

girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 18:57

Because you tagged me, you weirdo @Ursuladevine

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 19:21

bloomin Heck…. 6500 posts. Impressive!

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 19:22

Ok… page 4 😂

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