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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Borrowed money off in-laws and now they won’t let us pay them back?

146 replies

Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:23

My car reached the end of its life earlier this year and we didn’t have the funds to get a replacement. Cost of living and all that. I really need a car as there isn’t any public transport where we live (rural). We looked at getting finance but it worked out so expensive in the long run so my husband’s parents loaned us the 5k to purchase the car directly. This was very kind of them and we really appreciated it at the time. But my DH had since tried to repay them the money and they keep saying things like ‘no hurry’ and ‘don’t worry’. My DH received his end of year bonus this month and tried to explain that if we don’t pay them back now we may not have the funds again until this time next year, and they said ‘we can wait until next year’. I’m confused. If they didn’t want it back they wouldn’t say about waiting until next year so why not just let us pay it now. I’m not close to them so I don’t feel comfortable speaking to them about it. Not sure what to do now other than offer again next year but I don’t like feeling like we’re in debt.

OP posts:
TellMeWhere · 22/12/2022 21:28

Just transfer them the money or give them an envelope of cash and be done with it.

WandaWonder · 22/12/2022 21:29

I would the money in savings and just ignore that its there

Purplemagnolias · 22/12/2022 21:30

Just transfer it

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/12/2022 21:32

Not your family so it’s up to your husband to know how best to deal with it

QueenBeex · 22/12/2022 21:34

Envelope through the door, sorted.

LeroyJenkinssss · 22/12/2022 21:35

Why wouldn’t you have the money next year? Just put it in a savings account.

tbh I don’t know why you seem a bit smiley about them, I would think that they are trying to gift you the £5k but aware that it may hurt your pride hence “loan”. Pop it into a savings account, try again next year or perhaps suggest a family holiday all together as a solution instead.

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:35

I absolutely would but we don’t have their bank details.

OP posts:
LeroyJenkinssss · 22/12/2022 21:35

*snidey not smiley. Must remember to check what autocorrect is up to…

PumpkinTruffle · 22/12/2022 21:36

Cash in an envelope or holiday as another said.

shard5 · 22/12/2022 21:37

Did they give you the money in cash?
If not then your bank statement will have their account details, just transfer it back to them from your online banking app

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:37

QueenBeex · 22/12/2022 21:34

Envelope through the door, sorted.

That would involve putting it in the post. No way would I put 5k in the post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:38

shard5 · 22/12/2022 21:37

Did they give you the money in cash?
If not then your bank statement will have their account details, just transfer it back to them from your online banking app

Bank transfer. Is this true? Going away to check

OP posts:
lamaze1 · 22/12/2022 21:38

Sounds like they're being overly polite and don't want you to feel under pressure to pay it back quickly. If they'd written it off they would have said forget about it.

Not sure why if they don't take the money now that you wouldn't be able to afford to pay them until next year? Surely if you're really in a position to pay it back now, you'll put it to one side pending transfer to them? Regardless, I'd just transfer the funds to them.

Gem123J · 22/12/2022 21:38

Write them a cheque or hand it to them? Unless they’re nicely trying to say ‘keep the money’. I hate confusing things like this! My in-laws have been kind to loan us money before, I’m sure it was £5000 also. When it came to paying them back they said they didn’t want it back and to save it. But then they regularly remind my husband how they’ve given him this money and how he’s so lucky etc. and kind of guilt trip him!

Rtmhwales · 22/12/2022 21:39

You put it in a savings account that you don't touch. If they want it back eventually, it's there to return. If not, it eventually becomes an emergency fund which it sounds like you could need.

CuteCillian · 22/12/2022 21:39

How kind they sound. Put the £5k in a savings account and offer again next year, when you have an extra couple of hundred in interest.
They obviously don't want to see you struggle again.

lamaze1 · 22/12/2022 21:40

Sorry just seen you don't have their details. Could you just given them a cheque when you see them and just make sure you monitor whether it is cashed.

AffIt · 22/12/2022 21:42

Give them a cheque? Sorry, did I fall asleep and wake up in 2008?

I couldn't tell you the last time I wrote a cheque - I don't think I've even owned a chequebook since about 2015, and even then it was for a business account.

I get where you're coming from, OP, this would make me a bit nervous too. If they transferred the cash to you, you'll have their account details: just transfer it right back.

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:43

Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:38

Bank transfer. Is this true? Going away to check

Show quote history

All I can see is their name on the statement, no sort code or account number 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:46

I don’t even think I have a cheque book. I’m worried if I don’t pay it now, it will get spent. Everything is going up, etc..

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 22/12/2022 21:47

A) no, bank details don’t necessarily come through on the statement.

B) be an adult and be explicit - ‘PIL - we’re so grateful for the loan but we can pay it back now - if you don’t want it we’ll put it in our savings but if you do please can I have your bank details? Thanks again for all your help’

Throughabushbackwards · 22/12/2022 21:47

They might be politely trying to say they don't want it back. I have relatives who behave like this. Leave it to your husband, but encourage him to directly ask them if they want it back. If they say no, thank them and move on!

WimpoleHat · 22/12/2022 21:47

The message here is “We really appreciated your help and the fact that we felt okay to ask you. Thank you. So please let us pay you back - otherwise we won’t be able to ask you again should we need your help in the future.”

Crimsonripple · 22/12/2022 21:49

Learn some self control and don't spend it. Just accept it, they're trying to help you out!

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/12/2022 21:49

"QueenBeex
Envelope through the door, sorted.

@Overthis22 That would involve putting it in the post. No way would I put 5k in the post."

No, you take the envelope of cash and you push it through their letterbox, then you walk away from the door.