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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Borrowed money off in-laws and now they won’t let us pay them back?

146 replies

Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:23

My car reached the end of its life earlier this year and we didn’t have the funds to get a replacement. Cost of living and all that. I really need a car as there isn’t any public transport where we live (rural). We looked at getting finance but it worked out so expensive in the long run so my husband’s parents loaned us the 5k to purchase the car directly. This was very kind of them and we really appreciated it at the time. But my DH had since tried to repay them the money and they keep saying things like ‘no hurry’ and ‘don’t worry’. My DH received his end of year bonus this month and tried to explain that if we don’t pay them back now we may not have the funds again until this time next year, and they said ‘we can wait until next year’. I’m confused. If they didn’t want it back they wouldn’t say about waiting until next year so why not just let us pay it now. I’m not close to them so I don’t feel comfortable speaking to them about it. Not sure what to do now other than offer again next year but I don’t like feeling like we’re in debt.

OP posts:
LocSeeTan · 22/12/2022 22:11

They are gifting you this money. They really don't want it back but are probably very reserved about talking about money.
Stick it in a savings account and perhaps offer to repay in a years time.
They sound like lovely inlaws.

Etinoxaurus · 22/12/2022 22:12

Crimsonripple · 22/12/2022 21:49

Learn some self control and don't spend it. Just accept it, they're trying to help you out!

What a stupid thing to say. It’s not self control to not pay a fuel bill or the mortgage.

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:12

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:09

Lol well if I'd decided to give my children a cash gift, it'd be up to HMRC to investigate and find out via their own means.

I wouldn't be informing on myself to the tax man.

Show quote history

Yeah, that's when they start wheeling out the big fines. Unbelievable that people are this clueless.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/12/2022 22:12

🧐

BCBird · 22/12/2022 22:13

Less of the cheque bashing🤣I still got one and use it. I haven't surrendered to online banking yet🤣

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:14

@HotChoxs they can't get Amazon and Starbucks to pay the right tax but they'll be chasing a mumsnetter for 5k....

I think you'll be alright OP!

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:15

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:14

@HotChoxs they can't get Amazon and Starbucks to pay the right tax but they'll be chasing a mumsnetter for 5k....

I think you'll be alright OP!

That's exactly the target they like.

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:16

@HotChoxs yeah the easy target, doesn't surprise me at all tbh.

Out of interest, how do you suppose they'd find out?

sheepdogdelight · 22/12/2022 22:16

I'd assume they were happy not to be paid back. If you're not happy with this then give the the money when you see them/ask for their bank details.

However, if you think you'll have spent the money by this time next year, it begs the question as to how you'll cope financially if you do give it back. Maybe they are trying to preempt a situation where you pay it back and need to borrow more again in a couple of months.

DenholmElliot11 · 22/12/2022 22:18

Put it away in a premium bond account - you might win too!

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:18

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:16

@HotChoxs yeah the easy target, doesn't surprise me at all tbh.

Out of interest, how do you suppose they'd find out?

They have access to people's bank accounts.
Look I'm not being funny but there are people who work there who love this kind of stuff.

Whytheego · 22/12/2022 22:19

CatSeany · 22/12/2022 22:03

Sounds like they still want it, so I'd transfer it. My parents would never want repaying for anything. We've never borrowed from them, but they've given us what they can afford frequently, and have been very very obvious with not wanting to be repaid. Think "we would be mortally offended if you dare to turn down this money and don't ever think of paying it back, it's a gift". So "we can wait" makes me think that they want it back but don't want to pressure, in which case you should pay it whilst you can afford to.

Bloody hell how lucky are you , I borrow a fiver and my parents want it back (that was a exaggeration but you get my jist)

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/12/2022 22:20

Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:35

I absolutely would but we don’t have their bank details.

How did they give you the money?

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:20

@HotChoxs I don't for one second believe that a government department is that well funded that its gonna chase some random person (who is not already under investigation for something else) on the off chance they turn up a 5k gift.

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/12/2022 22:21

Put it into premium bonds and keep your fingers crossed that you win the million!

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:24

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:20

@HotChoxs I don't for one second believe that a government department is that well funded that its gonna chase some random person (who is not already under investigation for something else) on the off chance they turn up a 5k gift.

That's what every random person thinks.
There are well documented cases of large fines being levied against people that didn't declare gifts. A little research will throw this up. I'm not hmrc, I just steer well clear of anything like this.

NannyGythaOgg · 22/12/2022 22:24

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 21:54

just tell them the truth which is that you'll both be in trouble with hmrc if there's an undeclared gift.

Rubbish, it's less than £7k so not an issue.

I suspect the issue is they don't want it back BUT don't want you to think there is a bottomless pot there. They are happy with this gift but don't want you to think you can ask for more.

Put it in a high interest account and forget about it. Should they need it in the future, there it is, plus a little bit more

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 22:24

Etinoxaurus · 22/12/2022 22:12

What a stupid thing to say. It’s not self control to not pay a fuel bill or the mortgage.

Show quote history

Thank you.

OP posts:
snowinthesticks · 22/12/2022 22:27

@HotChoxs
There is no law against giving money to anyone. You don't have to declare gifts.
The only time HMRC might be interested is if you die within 7 years for IHT purposes. Then they would look at gifts over £3000 per child per year.

OP. They want you to keep it. Just clear the air and save all this angst by saying to them that you don't like having a debt hanging over you.

WaddleAway · 22/12/2022 22:27

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 21:54

just tell them the truth which is that you'll both be in trouble with hmrc if there's an undeclared gift.

No, they won’t. People can give people whatever they want. The only time there is a potential impact is in case of inheritance tax.

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 22:27

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:24

That's what every random person thinks.
There are well documented cases of large fines being levied against people that didn't declare gifts. A little research will throw this up. I'm not hmrc, I just steer well clear of anything like this.

Show quote history

😂😂😂

OP posts:
whatkatydid2013 · 22/12/2022 22:28

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:12

Yeah, that's when they start wheeling out the big fines. Unbelievable that people are this clueless.

Show quote history

link to HMRCs own site confirming gifts are not subject to income tax. If the giver dies within 7 years they may need to be declared for inheritance tax depending on estate value.

community.hmrc.gov.uk/customerforums/pt/850b99ba-8a7a-eb11-8ced-00155d975291

WaddleAway · 22/12/2022 22:29

Etinoxaurus · 22/12/2022 22:12

What a stupid thing to say. It’s not self control to not pay a fuel bill or the mortgage.

Show quote history

If the OP gives the money back today like she wants to it won’t be there to pay a fuel bill or their mortgage.

WaddleAway · 22/12/2022 22:30

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:12

Yeah, that's when they start wheeling out the big fines. Unbelievable that people are this clueless.

Show quote history

It really is unbelievable that some people are so clueless, yes…

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:30

snowinthesticks · 22/12/2022 22:27

@HotChoxs
There is no law against giving money to anyone. You don't have to declare gifts.
The only time HMRC might be interested is if you die within 7 years for IHT purposes. Then they would look at gifts over £3000 per child per year.

OP. They want you to keep it. Just clear the air and save all this angst by saying to them that you don't like having a debt hanging over you.

for a start it's £3000 total to anyone. amazing how all these experts keep getting the figures wrong.
secondly if you've undeclared gifts by the time you get to iht, good luck if something gets forgotten because you have no paper trail that you were being dilligent.

im going to step out of this thread now. as i said im not hmrc, the only people that would have a vested interest in giving the wrong information are people who know very well they haven't checked this out properly.