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Original poster

Borrowed money off in-laws and now they won’t let us pay them back?

146 replies

Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:23

My car reached the end of its life earlier this year and we didn’t have the funds to get a replacement. Cost of living and all that. I really need a car as there isn’t any public transport where we live (rural). We looked at getting finance but it worked out so expensive in the long run so my husband’s parents loaned us the 5k to purchase the car directly. This was very kind of them and we really appreciated it at the time. But my DH had since tried to repay them the money and they keep saying things like ‘no hurry’ and ‘don’t worry’. My DH received his end of year bonus this month and tried to explain that if we don’t pay them back now we may not have the funds again until this time next year, and they said ‘we can wait until next year’. I’m confused. If they didn’t want it back they wouldn’t say about waiting until next year so why not just let us pay it now. I’m not close to them so I don’t feel comfortable speaking to them about it. Not sure what to do now other than offer again next year but I don’t like feeling like we’re in debt.

OP posts:
Blowthemandown · 22/12/2022 21:50

WimpoleHat · 22/12/2022 21:47

The message here is “We really appreciated your help and the fact that we felt okay to ask you. Thank you. So please let us pay you back - otherwise we won’t be able to ask you again should we need your help in the future.”

This is perfect @Overthis22 @WimpoleHat

ittakes2 · 22/12/2022 21:50

I think because you are worried you won’t have the money next year due to increases in prices is the point of why they are saying no hurry. Put it in a savings account and earn interest on it.

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:52

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/12/2022 21:49

"QueenBeex
Envelope through the door, sorted.

@Overthis22 That would involve putting it in the post. No way would I put 5k in the post."

No, you take the envelope of cash and you push it through their letterbox, then you walk away from the door.

So I drive three hours up the road and three hours back to put an envelope of money through the door that would risk getting chewed up by the dog without saying anything? They would be offended that I didn’t try to see them.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2022 21:53

Open a savings account and put it in there.

Original poster
Overthis22 · 22/12/2022 21:53

ittakes2 · 22/12/2022 21:50

I think because you are worried you won’t have the money next year due to increases in prices is the point of why they are saying no hurry. Put it in a savings account and earn interest on it.

You might be right.

OP posts:
HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 21:54

just tell them the truth which is that you'll both be in trouble with hmrc if there's an undeclared gift.

Tinkerbyebye · 22/12/2022 21:54

just put it on a fixed isa for a year so you can’t touch it and try again nextyear

whynotwhatknot · 22/12/2022 21:55

just put it away and pretend you havent got it-you can cotrol yourself and not spend it

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 22/12/2022 21:55

In my family this would be them saying that you don't need to pay it back. If they said that explicitly then it would be a whole thing where you'd feel obliged to thank them profusely and they'd have to gracefully accept your thanks. They don't want any of that ballache so instead have just said Next Year. They actually mean Never.

If it really bothers you, put it in a savings account and leave it there!

Anonymouseposter · 22/12/2022 21:55

It would be rude and ungrateful just to shove an envelope with cash in through the door. A clear message like WimpoleHat suggested sounds like the best idea.

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 21:56

God how annoying. They should either take the money back off you now or just write it off and let you know.

You need to write a cheque and post it ASAP.

PenguinLove1 · 22/12/2022 22:01

This is the type of thing my dad says and it means he doesn't want it back, or he doesn't want me to overstretch myself paying it back.

If you didnt have the cash earlier this year and are scared you cant keep it for a year then to be honest you could probably be doing with an emergency fund set up, i think they can tell you are living month to month or dont have much in savings and want to help you stop that. Stick it in a one year savings account so you aren't tempted to dip in to it but you have it there for emergencies and let your husband offer again next year.
Then stop the drama and be grateful, they are being very nice and to post them money when they dont want it back is quite rude when they did you a favour.

gogohmm · 22/12/2022 22:01

Just move the money into a savings account

healthadvice123 · 22/12/2022 22:03

@HotChoxs what ? Since when do you have to declare gifts unless inheritance tax etc

QueenBeex · 22/12/2022 22:03

You can't bank transfer, you can't put it in the post, you can't hand deliver it because the dog, you can't do a cheque.... so savings account is your only option, sorted.

CatSeany · 22/12/2022 22:03

Sounds like they still want it, so I'd transfer it. My parents would never want repaying for anything. We've never borrowed from them, but they've given us what they can afford frequently, and have been very very obvious with not wanting to be repaid. Think "we would be mortally offended if you dare to turn down this money and don't ever think of paying it back, it's a gift". So "we can wait" makes me think that they want it back but don't want to pressure, in which case you should pay it whilst you can afford to.

Purplemagnolias · 22/12/2022 22:05

Can't you find out their bank details??

Quitelikeacatslife · 22/12/2022 22:05

My mil did this years ago when we didn't have lots of cash/savings , she lent me money to buy car as loan was expensive, I paid her back on standing order for about a year and on my next birthday she told me to cancel it.

bloodywhitecat · 22/12/2022 22:06

Buy £5k of premium bonds with it, you never know your luck then, next year offer them the money again.

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:06

healthadvice123 · 22/12/2022 22:03

@HotChoxs what ? Since when do you have to declare gifts unless inheritance tax etc

Why don't you ring up hmrc and find out if you don't believe me. They really don't like it when people breach gift limits and don't tell them about it.

Quitelikeacatslife · 22/12/2022 22:06

I didn't say, that her intention was to gift it but didn't want to overstep

Hawkins001 · 22/12/2022 22:08

Seems a.kind way of helping you, without expecting you to repay it back.

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2022 22:09

HotChoxs · 22/12/2022 22:06

Why don't you ring up hmrc and find out if you don't believe me. They really don't like it when people breach gift limits and don't tell them about it.

Show quote history

Lol well if I'd decided to give my children a cash gift, it'd be up to HMRC to investigate and find out via their own means.

I wouldn't be informing on myself to the tax man.

Anonymouseposter · 22/12/2022 22:11

I don’t think people normally declare gifts of that amount to Harv. I certainly haven’t and there’s been no comeback. How would they know unless you were having a financial assessment for a nursing home or something?

Anonymouseposter · 22/12/2022 22:11

HMRC (autocorrect)