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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else not have any friends?

99 replies

Hazless · 21/12/2022 23:04

Aibu or is it bloody hard to make friends as an adult?

I had friends from 10 years ago and had a good little group. One moved to a different country, one moved an hour away and the other about 4 hours away. I meet the one an hour away once every couple of months and we do text daily.

my work is remote and it’s very hard to find my “gang” I’ve been there a year but I feel like I don’t fit in still. It’s very hard to establish relationships.

uni friends live miles away we meet up once a year.

I work out at home (got equipment here) so don’t go to a gym etc.

I’ve got a few school mum friends but again it’s hard to establish a gang!

nct friends… I found it v hard to keep this up as after a year I returned to work full time where as they were all part time and met up lots. We meet up 2x year

I tried volunteering but It was busy work and v hard to establish friendships and chat Outside of the actual work.

I just can’t seem to find my gang.

I work full time with three kids, I just feel I don’t have enough time for me and for relaxing. I’m always on the run!

anyone fixed a problem like this?

OP posts:
sobercuriouskind · 21/12/2022 23:50

But you do have friends, including one you text daily. But yes, I think friendships are harder to maintain as you get older and lockdown hasn't helped.

Original poster
Hazless · 21/12/2022 23:53

I guess it’s just hard as in the evenings there’s nobody to pop out with. It feels like everyone has their mates and are closed to having more.

OP posts:
WindsChange · 21/12/2022 23:53

YABU as you clearly do have friends!

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 23:53

I don't have any currently. Circumstances changed and a couple moved away or got a girlfriend.

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 23:54

It's horrible when you make an effort and the other person just stops bothering.

Itstheway · 21/12/2022 23:57

I feel like I’ve just written this! I moved 200 miles away from my original gang to be with my now husband and they’ve all seemed to have moved on and hardly answer the phone to me anymore! Absolutely, so hard to make friends as an adult. I have one or two friends who I text occasionally but I can go days without my phone pinging or anyone checking in - previous posters saying YABU as you do have friends doesn’t understand.. it’s the feeling of being in a gang -

ThisSolstice · 21/12/2022 23:57

There was a thread about exactly this yesterday, but that thread was literally about having no friends at all, unlike you, and hiding it.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4543728-those-with-no-friends-do-you-hide-it?page=2&reply=122431501

Sidking · 21/12/2022 23:57

Same, I have my bestie from college who I chat to fairly regularly, we're both ND so tend to go weeks not saying anything then one of us will message out of the blue. I moved 4 hours away so always try to fit in a visit to hers when I'm back in my hometown

I have superficial 'friendships' with a select few school run mum's, 3 the mum's of my eldest's best friends, one I chat to on the morning walk home. But for the most part it's just pleasantries/kid chat, we don't know details about each other.

I don't know how to take it to the next level without being completely awkward and weird

Original poster
Hazless · 21/12/2022 23:58

It’s hard to explain but I guess I feel lonely. I don’t think the remote work is helping. My company is fully remote. Lots of the others are in a different country.

I’ve never found people on my wavelength. The person I speak to daily, I just wish she lived closer and I could just pop round or easily meet up more.

OP posts:
LipsSoScarlet · 21/12/2022 23:59

It’s a lot harder as an adult. I’ve moved a fair bit so do have some friends, but none that are local, and that feels very lonely. Especially as the friends I have in other parts of the country seem to have a lot of their own local friends.

Itstheway · 22/12/2022 00:02

think we’re all feeling lonely on this thread. Maybe we all need to make friends with each other as we all have the same thing in common 😅

felulageller · 22/12/2022 00:12

I'd love to have the amount of friend contact you do!

I think of myself as having friends but I've got no one who'd text more than once a fortnight and no one I see more than once every month or 2. Usually less than this.

I think that's normal once you're middle aged with 2/3 DC's?

LipsSoScarlet · 22/12/2022 00:15

Bet we all live on opposite ends of the country though 😂

LipsSoScarlet · 22/12/2022 00:16

LipsSoScarlet · 22/12/2022 00:15

Bet we all live on opposite ends of the country though 😂

Sorry; that was in response to @Itstheway

Itshandled · 22/12/2022 00:17

Could you use a shared workspace? You might not see your colleagues but could get to know the other people regularly working there.

theimposter · 22/12/2022 00:19

Yes me. Always on the fringe of every group and left feeling stupid at group things or being palmed off at events and hovering by myself. Nobody invites me anywhere and most only contact me when they want help with something other than one or two long distance friends who I can hardly see due to time and money.

MadameMackenzie · 22/12/2022 00:19

Me! 🙋🏼‍♀️

Anyone in the Harrogate area in need of a friend???

<tumbleweed>

Aquarius1234 · 22/12/2022 00:31

South East area. Hey 👋

Fidgety31 · 22/12/2022 00:37

You have put all your efforts into your relationship and neglected your friends. When you split you won’t have anyone and you’ll be on her wondering why

Divebar2021 · 22/12/2022 00:39

i haven’t had a gang of friends really since I was in my 20’s - now all of a sudden at 52 I’m invited into an established group of women and they’re on my wavelength. I had chatted slightly with a friend of an acquaintance at the school gates and then ran into her on the train on my commute. We chatted all the way in and I suggested coffee and that was it…she introduced me to a lovely group. We were in the pub last night and I can’t even remember the last time I did that in a group. You’ve got to take chances and be pro-active as an adult I think.

LipsSoScarlet · 22/12/2022 00:39

Fidgety31 · 22/12/2022 00:37

You have put all your efforts into your relationship and neglected your friends. When you split you won’t have anyone and you’ll be on her wondering why

Where has she mentioned being in a relationship? Confused

BooBoopeeDoxx · 22/12/2022 00:49

Me. I have literally no friends. I have tried. I've done Bumble, meet up,started a book club, joined a gym. Nothing. I'm friendly, outgoing and easy to talk to. I like people. But everyone seems to have found their tribe and I'm on the outside looking in. I can't keep making all this effort for no pay off so have given up now. I'm used to my own company. But I really feel for my 2 sons. Because when I die and they come to my funeral and they are the only mourners they will realise my life is an empty shell and nobody cares that I'm gone.

Greenshake · 22/12/2022 00:53

Surrey area if anyone wants to meet for a coffee in the New Year 🙂 you can never have too many friends

blindfate · 22/12/2022 00:59

Yes! I relocated a year ago then got pregnant soon after, was so ill in the pregnancy that I wasn't able to do much investigating of the new local area/gym joining/socializing with the one couple we do know down here, and it's a very lovely place to be. I have friends scattered around the country and we text at least weekly but I so miss coffees or glasses of wine and gossip with local pals. I'm hoping as I recover from birth and start going to baby groups that'll be a catalyst to meet people, but I have a v demanding job (and only 6 month's maternity leave) so that will depend on energy levels. It's so hard.

whattodo87 · 22/12/2022 01:02

@MadameMackenzie .. I'm not far from you and could always do with a new buddy