Does anyone else not have any friends?

[Hazless]

Aibu or is it bloody hard to make friends as an adult?

I had friends from 10 years ago and had a good little group. One moved to a different country, one moved an hour away and the other about 4 hours away. I meet the one an hour away once every couple of months and we do text daily.

my work is remote and it’s very hard to find my “gang” I’ve been there a year but I feel like I don’t fit in still. It’s very hard to establish relationships.

uni friends live miles away we meet up once a year.

I work out at home (got equipment here) so don’t go to a gym etc.

I’ve got a few school mum friends but again it’s hard to establish a gang!

nct friends… I found it v hard to keep this up as after a year I returned to work full time where as they were all part time and met up lots. We meet up 2x year

I tried volunteering but It was busy work and v hard to establish friendships and chat Outside of the actual work.

I just can’t seem to find my gang.

I work full time with three kids, I just feel I don’t have enough time for me and for relaxing. I’m always on the run!

anyone fixed a problem like this?

Hi op yes not easy. I agree with being pro active. I think its luck too some group things nice some not. I dont get oh I have my kids and partner. My son is 20 has his own life. You can end up lonely if no interests. I join a walking thing. We had coffee last week.

I prefer one on one friendships unless its relatives.

The problem with having friends dotted around the place is that you see them only once or twice a year, which for some of us, isn't enough. I don't think the OP meant she wants to see them all together, just more often maybe.

I never said anything about asking your GP personal questions.

Did you mean to reply to someone else?

I think the majority of friends are transient and circumstantial. Also it takes a lot of legwork, against general apathy in others, to make and keep friends.

I think this ‘gang of friends’ thing the OP talks of is quite rare irl, especially once you’re over about 30.

On TV everyone is constantly hanging out in groups of six or so and attending adult birthday parties made up of roomfuls of friends. It makes writing a story easier to have a lot of very interconnected characters but I don’t think its the way most middle aged people live.

I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♀️

👋 Feel free to pm me :)

@whattodo87 Have PM'd you x

THIS.
In the same way marriage and relationships do not mirror film/tv neither do friendships. Sex in the city type groups are rare if they even exist, can be superficial and bloody hard work to maintain because most people have so much to deal with day to day.

I think this has been a lot of my problem, the more mature adult models of friendship just leave me cold. By that I mean either the acquaintance friends you just do small talk with or the friends who only want to meet one on one very infrequently. I just can't be bothered with something I get so little out of so I don't.

I feel really blessed with the gang of friends I made at the (much loathed on here) baby groups. It just suits me to have a cohesive group.

It can be quite dangerous when you suddenly realise you have zero friends currently. Like a big black hole and very lonely.
It's amazing how just having one friend you see occasionally keeps you from feeling sad or upset.

I agree.. it's dangerous and daunting. I've struggled to understand how I've cocked up so many friendships over the years but after a lot of therapy for childhood trauma I get it now. Which doesn't help me fix things ( I've tried) but it at least helps me to understand how I got here. I know people who have a full and thriving social life with dear friends they've built up solid relationships with over many years. I can only look on wishing I had what they had. It sounds defeatist but it's too late for me now unfortunately.

I doubt it's too late. I've made some new friends this year, one of whom is quite a good friend and she's 75 and I'm 60. It does take a bit of risk taking. Like going to evening classes, hobbies, meet up groups or fitness classes and asking if anyone wants to go for a drink/coffee afterwards or at break time and perseverance if they so no on one occasion.

I don't know if they will be lifelong friends but they have provided some fun social events and helped my sense of having a social life. I have had lots of therapy which has helped me to understand myself better and improved my friendships. It's also made me better able to take risks with people.

I am 50 and have made new friends by taking risks too. I don't know if they will be lifelong. They are here now.

Part of the problem with later life friend making especially if in a couple is that there can be problems with having deep friendships with members of the opposite sex and if a friend is of the same sex but in a couple then having quality time with said friend realistically means taking the friend away from family /spouse for a certain time and given the pressures of modern life that can also be a challenge.

It's as if society has made the couple the basic social unit at a certain age and friendships revolve around that or there are simply a series of family acquaintanceships.

I personally think that in mid life then you should not get too despondent about not having infrequent meet ups with friends or having few of them as a lot of us are in the same position

Surely by later life one can tear oneself away from your spouse or family for a couple of hours. I know I can. I would hate to do everything with my DH.

I agree. I don’t actually recognise the totally family-centric/‘weekends are dedicated family time’ view you see so often on Mn from my real life. I have a young son, very little childcare, a demanding FT job, a DH whose job almost always involves him being away at weekends for much of the year, and I still make a point of seeing and making/attempting to make friends whenever possible. Of both sexes. I think it’s mad to overlook opposite-sex friendships if you want new or more friends — you’re ruling out half the population. I missed the memo that dinner or cinema with an opposite-sex friend is ‘date territory’.

A friend of mine said their friendship list was closed cos they didn't have room for any more. Luckily I was already on it.

Another one here. DC growing up fast and won’t be here much longer. DH not interested in making friends so off to join a group in the new year. Never really made friends at the school gate as I was working. Work friends have drifted off now we wfh. I’ve actually been missing the conversation on Teams calls since I finished work for Christmas! Granted, it’s not full on loneliness but I need to fix this. Good luck, OP.💐

Is anyone round the south bucks way

Must say it does sound like you have a few different friends groups which is great! I have one friend sometimes I wish I had more but I'm not very social anyway 😆between work and bringing up 3 children solo I enjoy time by myself. it is extremely hard I think to find friends tho once you get past a certain age.

@Hazless its been 6 months since you started this thread, I hope things have improved a bit?

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I'm mid 30s and haven't made a single friend as an adult so far. I have 3 very loose friends (people I know from school and uni) who I message VERY occasionally.

I have no close friends, don't meet up with anyone, and never have any plans with anyone ever really. I have DP, that's it. I do lots of stuff alone now and I quite like it. I've got on well with plenty of people at workplaces over the years, but those relationships have always stayed inside work hours (although I'm not keen on being best mates with colleagues to be honest). I've been part of a few sports teams and other groups over the years, and it's always just amounts to painful, superficial small talk. So I just don't bother anymore.