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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think buying a teacher gift but not a TA one is a dick move?

184 replies

Wannakisstheteacher · 21/12/2022 10:48

Last day of school today. Standing waiting for the gates to open and see lots of children holding gift bags etc. One child showing the other children all the things she has for the teacher but doesn’t mention the TA. Another parent says she’s bought in chocolates for the teacher but again nothing for the TA - seems like the common theme from general chat.

AIBU to think it’s really low to bring in something for the teacher but nothing for the TA? They are so incredibly badly paid and have to do so much more than ever before so to bring in a full bag of stuff for the teacher but not even a small box of chocolates for the TA just seems like a dick move.

OP posts:
Nordix · 21/12/2022 12:23

Watsername · 21/12/2022 11:11

I genuinely think people don’t understand the role of the TA.

I am a TA. You might be surprised to know that I teach - I have my own Maths and Phonics groups. In previous years I have supported every single child in the year group (a sight difference in my role this year). I am also a midday supervisor- so support every single child at lunchtime.

Quite honestly, it’s usually the TAs that children go to when they are upset, so we are dealing with the pastoral issues, not the teachers. It’s us who do the first aid, not the teachers. I think the TAs know the children better than anyone else.

Please don’t discount us. Morale is low at the moment - we could earn so much more in supermarkets, and that’s just not right.

Agreed with all of this. Plus many TAs act as substitute teachers and teach the whole class for half-days or days at a time (without TA support…). For example while
the teacher does their planning.

We give equal gifts to the teacher and TA. A little giftbag with chocs, booze and a card each.

crisscrosscringle · 21/12/2022 12:24

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 10:56

A TA doesn’t have the pressure or expectation to plan, mark, spend evenings in meetings and weekends on school work! I think if the TA or LA is assigned to a child then yes a gift is appropriate. I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling. I think a lot of people feel like this.

I suspect you have no idea what a TA does.

amonsteronthehill · 21/12/2022 12:24

It's a massive dick move. TAs do so much of the heavy lifting so teachers can get on with teaching: all the 1:1 reading, group reading, all the interventions which they're usually required to plan themselves these day, usually supporting the children who struggle the most; dealing with upset children, sick children, poorly behaved children, handling the first aid, the playground cover, going in when unwell, are the first to be moved if help is needed elsewhere in the school, etc. And they're not paid very well for the privilege.

SleeplessWB · 21/12/2022 12:26

saveforthat · 21/12/2022 12:18

Who would want 30 odd £5 gifts though. I don't think you should buy teachers, TAs or anyone else a gift. It's strange how some people are given gifts just for doing their job and some not. Say thank you if you think they have done a good job.

Show quote history

Is it about being given a gift for doing your job though? For me, giving a gift to DC's teacher and TA is about recognising their importance to my children and therefore giving a gift as I would to anyone else important to us. I also give a gift to the childminder and cleaner... It isn't for their job, I pay them for that, it is to wish merry Christmas to someone important to our family.

amonsteronthehill · 21/12/2022 12:27

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 10:56

A TA doesn’t have the pressure or expectation to plan, mark, spend evenings in meetings and weekends on school work! I think if the TA or LA is assigned to a child then yes a gift is appropriate. I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling. I think a lot of people feel like this.

You clearly have no idea how much TAs take on that allow your children's schooling to be gotten on with, frankly.

Nordix · 21/12/2022 12:29

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 10:56

A TA doesn’t have the pressure or expectation to plan, mark, spend evenings in meetings and weekends on school work! I think if the TA or LA is assigned to a child then yes a gift is appropriate. I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling. I think a lot of people feel like this.

TAs have lots of pressure - dealing with pastoral issues, staying late to run clubs. TAs do some marking too (or eg inputting marking onto the system, and filling reading books). The TA has impacted your child’s schooling - the teacher wouldn’t be able to run the classroom without them. Ignorant comment.

Thankfully a lot of people don’t feel like that - my relative who is a TA gets a Christmas gift from every child in the class.

twelly · 21/12/2022 12:31

I think gifts are a choice - your child might have little to do with the teaching assistant in which case you might not even know they are in the class. On the other hand if the TA was specifically attached to your child then you would probably be well aware of their importance or role.

At the end of the day it is a gift and children/parents are not expected or required to give anything to either

Thindog · 21/12/2022 12:31

I never felt comfortable with taking gifts from children when I taught. Parents were often quite hard up and needed the money for their children.I did, however, really value notes or cards that said things like how well their child had done or how happy they were in my class.

DoubleGauze · 21/12/2022 12:33

I guess a simple way of explaining the job is to say that most of the tasks that a teacher doesn't have time to do (due to the ridiculous amount of extra work that is piled onto them daily) is given to the class ta. So they do that , and also their own work such as supervising at lunch and break and doing first aid and running clubs.

QueenWenceslas · 21/12/2022 12:33

I’m amazed at the amount of people that think TA’s don’t have anything to do with their child. At my children’s school the TA’s are on the door every morning to greet the children and ensure they get into the classroom safely. My eldest is the clumsiest child in the world and when she was in reception, she would trip over on the way to school every damn day. The TA would take a sobbing child from me, give her a cuddle and patch her up. I was so grateful to her.

I always send in equal gifts for teachers and TA’s.

jaffacakesareevil · 21/12/2022 12:33

A TA has the same responsibility as a teacher to communicate with your child, console them when they are sad, control behaviour and support your child with their learning.

Fairislefandango · 21/12/2022 12:34

I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling.

That is very, very unlikely if your children are at primary school. If you think TAs only help, support and work with pupils with SEN, you are very mistaken. My dc did not need any additional educational support, but the TAs were people they interacted with every single day in school, because they have lots of jobs to do which help all pupils.

I'm a teacher and I'm not in favour of presents for teachers anyway, but it pisses me off how undervalued TAs are by parents who think their dc aren't the kind of children who would ever need a TA for anything.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 21/12/2022 12:35

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 10:56

A TA doesn’t have the pressure or expectation to plan, mark, spend evenings in meetings and weekends on school work! I think if the TA or LA is assigned to a child then yes a gift is appropriate. I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling. I think a lot of people feel like this.

Obviously it varies from school to school depending on how they use TAs, but in my school I would argue that all of the children in a class benefit from the general class TA - they carry out lots of jobs that help the teacher to give the children a good education, as well as supporting all of the children in the class, not just those that struggle academically.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 21/12/2022 12:36

Its ridiculous that you're shaming people for buying a gift for a specific person and not everyone. That person will have made an impression/impact/deserved additional recognition in the eyes of that parent. So what if a different teacher/TA hasn't?? So what.
You are not entitled to these things, they should not be assumed, and you absolutely should not be called out for not buying a bloody gift for someone

Treacletoots · 21/12/2022 12:36

Oh our lot do this, they'll split the pot so that it's far more heavily weighted towards the teacher, after much debate 🙄

Then again they're a bunch of stuck up judgey snobs who look down their nose at the TAs and are trying to control the teachers with extravagant gifts.

I personally have distanced myself from the collection pot and bought something myself.

healthadvice123 · 21/12/2022 12:36

@WifeMotherWorker not strictly true as teacher couldn't do whats needed without the ta and sometimes ta take class why teachers plan etc

JudesBiggestFan · 21/12/2022 12:37

This is the first year I haven't given anything. Three children, one teacher each, one TA each...it really adds up. And I've read so many threads on here from teachers saying they don't eat chocolate, they don't drink wine..it seems pointless. I did give to the kids football coaches as they do that completely voluntarily, the kids adore them and I know them well via WhatsApp groups/matches etc. As I work full time I barely ever see the teachers at the gates. It felt a bit of a statement not getting something, but in all the years of buying I've only ever had my gift acknowledged once...I imagine they've all gone into some slush pile to be regifted!

Fairyliz · 21/12/2022 12:37

I’m actually surprised at how many people in schools do get presents.
I used to work in a school office and I was gobsmacked to get presents from several parents at Christmas. The school wasn’t in a particularly wealthy, area so I hope no one felt under financial pressure after buying me a gift.

RagingWoke · 21/12/2022 12:38

It's a dick move. IME the TAs work just as hard as the teachers only with less pay. My DD (y3) has 2 TAs each year and they always get the same as the teacher from us, around £5-10 in value along with a card written by DD. These TAs lead lessons, work with all the DC, run clubs and all sorts of extra things.

girlmom21 · 21/12/2022 12:38

If a parent can afford to do presents, and the child wants to give to their TA, fine, but I'm not going to give to every staff member at our nursery even though they spend time with them all, because I just can't.

ApproachingTheBig40 · 21/12/2022 12:39

We got the same. Ta is in the clasd everyday and helps all dcs.
So both teacher and ta got the same.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 21/12/2022 12:40

TheNinthLock · 21/12/2022 11:30

The TA has no impact on your child’s schooling?

I am a TA.
I work with lower ability groups to enable teacher to concentrate on your child.
I take disruptive pupils for a run around the playground to enable your child to continue working undisturbed.
I look over your child’s work and support in class (all children, no matter their ability seek reassurance, guidance, praise from a TA on a regular basis)
I help your child look for their lost water bottle, missing lunch box, misplaced jumper.
I help your child open wrappers and packets at lunchtime.
I wipe the tables in the lunch hall so your child has somewhere clean to sit and eat.
I help your child tie their shoe laces and zip up their coat.
I help your child negotiate playground squabbles and friendship issues.
I listen to your child read.
I cheer on your child during sports competitions and on sports day.
I accompany your child on trips to ensure all have a good time and no one gets lost.
I make costumes and props for your child’s Christmas performance and help them learn their lines and songs.
I admire your child’s artwork.
I am always there for your child.

I don’t want gifts.

I do however want a bit of recognition - I exist. Your child benefits.

What an excellent post!

pastypirate · 21/12/2022 12:43

I send something f for the teacher, the ta and a tub of celebrations for the office staff

DaydreamBongospirit · 21/12/2022 12:44

I'm a 1:1 and I always feel a bit guilty accepting gifts (though pleasantly surprised and really grateful too) because I don't feel I do as much as I'd like to support the class on a day to day basis due to my 1:1's complex needs. The cards and pictures the children make for me mean just as much as any presents ever could. I keep every card and picture I'm given.

I do think the role of a TA/LSA/1:1 isn't well understood by lots of people; there seems to be a persistent belief that TAs just listen to children read, change books, photocopy and clean up after painting or 1:1s are glued to the child they're supporting when actually, our role has changed beyond all recognition and many of us go way above and beyond for all the children in our care.

FancyFanny · 21/12/2022 12:45

WifeMotherWorker · 21/12/2022 10:56

A TA doesn’t have the pressure or expectation to plan, mark, spend evenings in meetings and weekends on school work! I think if the TA or LA is assigned to a child then yes a gift is appropriate. I have only ever given to teachers as the TA have had no impact on my children’s schooling. I think a lot of people feel like this.

...nor does the TA get paid anywhere near what the teacher does!