To ask you to tel me all the shit things about having a dog?

[ProserpinaProserpina]

Two preschool DCs, small house, large garden. I’m desperate for a dog. DH works from home in a workshop in the garden. Dog would spend most of the day with him. We’ve both had dogs before and live an active, outdoorsy lifestyle. I can’t think of any occasions that we go out to anywhere that a dog couldn’t come, and there is very rarely not someone home. I work 3 days per week but like I say, husband is around. I’m happy to do evening walks as required, dog could have the run of the garden all day every day, and DH has a very flexible (read: easy) schedule which would allow the dog to be walked as much as needed.

DH is happy with whatever and does absolutely adore dogs but is more pragmatic than me. He’s very much of the ‘if you want a dog, we’ll get one but it won’t be easy’ attitude which I’m a bit worried might bite me on that arse when things are difficult.

So please, tell me all the shit things about having a dog and why it’s a terrible idea to have a dog and children so that I can make a truly informed decision (ie. Not do it).

Dogs are wonderful, but l wouldn't get another one, walking a dog has turned into such a complicated affair, huge amount of fear and anxiety regarding dogs being off lead, some owners expect all dogs to be permanently tethered because theirs are., no good if you have a running dog like myself.
Read some of the many dog threads on here, that will be enough to put you off. It was so much easier years ago owning a dog, a lot of beaches etc won't allow them on, which makes it hard work of you take dog away with you. I live near a school and avoid taking dog out during school run as some kids and parents hysterical even though she is on lead and not in the least bit interested in people. It's very wearing.

We have five dogs. Wouldn't be without them. I'd much rather have the responsibility of organizing sitters for when we are out, than not have dogs. They make us happy every day.

I refuse to say the bad things because the good things have always outweighed the bad.

The only difficult thing we have is keeping the grass alive and sorting out someone to look after our DDog when we are away, wedding or holiday (rescue freaks out at the sight of a kennel thinks she's being sent back even 6 years on!)

I really wish people would consider the fact that a dog could be with you for upwards of 12 years. You may have a lifestyle suited to a dog now, but you'd have to keep it that way for many years. The number of lockdown puppies being give up, or back to the breeder (preferably) because the owner hadn't considered what would happen when they're no longer wfh is heartbreaking. Or given up in old age.
It's unbearable for all concerned, especially for the poor dog who considered himself a family member

Would say oP do your research on breeds and find one that suits your lifestyle. If plan is to curl up in a workshop all day then look at sighthounds very chilled dogs happy to sleep as long as its comfy and need short exercise bursts rather then miles upon miles 2-3 times a day. Remember a cockerspaniel has the energy of a collie!

Two words; separation anxiety.
You can get a confident breed and a happy pup only for something imperceptible to change and suddenly even looking away can have them yapping and whining at you. You go to the supermarket and leave them for 30 minutes and come to find they have weed and pooped everywhere in protest at being left (and the less they are left the worse it gets). So you fork out for behaviourist after behaviourist and engage in hours upon hours of training and find despite trying for two years to resolve his problems it isn't getting better, in fact pup has started taking a dislike to any noisy or fast movement and the kids can't have friends round because it stresses pup out too much. Then over the course of third year pup starts snapping at the kids. The vet continues to say no sign of physical illness or pain causing this behaviour but you eventually realise that the dog is unhappy, the kids are not safe and you and your other half have developed anxiety revolving around the dog. You are faced with the decision to either keep trying for yet another year with him, because you still don't want to be that person who gives up on their pet, and hoping he doesn't bite anyone while you try (because if he does even though he couldn't kill due to his size and the fact you are always there to separate him from his quarry, he could certainly maim, and then no shelter would take him for rehoming so it would be an automatic game over), or let him go to a shelter with full disclosure so they can find a quiet home with someone who is always there and no kids or animals. You decide on the latter and break your heart all the way to shelter, sobbing til you trigger your own panic attack and tell him you are sorry you failed him.
Very specific but after going through it as much as I love dogs I will never ever risk going through it with another one, so I just walk other people's now.

@ProserpinaProserpina as some others have said, there is no way I’d get a dog with very young children who were not old enough to reliably behave in a way that might antagonise the dog, and to fully understand the need for being calm and gentle with the dog.

My DC were 5 and 7 when we got a puppy. I practically wept at the loss of freedom re spontaneous days out etc.

They need lots of time, not just for training and dog walking, but for company and for their benefit.

Dont get a dog unless you have plenty of time to just hang out with them.

This one does enormous poos.
She doesn't bark or shed or smell.
However I'm squeezed into a corner of the sofa

I would love a dog in the future but don't have time to commit to one just now. But one thing that is putting me off is the minefield of buying from a credible breeder (if you're going down that route) as I don't trust regular pages on Gumtree etc. I'd hate to be funding puppy farms and some of the horror stories that have come from them.

I'm sure the OP isn't an idiot.

Absolutely nothing.
Just get one!

All the bizarre comments about not getting dogs when you have children!

Get a rescue dog if you can.

Thanks everyone. Most of this I’ve considered but a few things to mull over.

No risk of DH not working from home. He’s self employed and runs his business from our shed. Even if he moved to another premises to expand in the future, it would be dog compatible.

We walk and run in all weathers so not too fussed about that. I own decent hiking boots and waterproofs. I’ve got a chesty cough at the moment and have been going on daily hour+ walks in the snow and driving rain for the sake of my mental health as I can’t run currently. Would be nice to have someone to come with me!

My main reservation is keeping DCs and dog separated as and when required. We have a stable door between the kitchen and living room, and stair gates elsewhere so it’s doable, just need to consider the logistics.

If you have young kids you need to de poo the garden before they go in it in case they step in it.
again with young kids they need to be very vigilant about any small toys or Lego left out as puppies and a lot of dogs will chew and even eat toys.
holidays and things where you can’t take the dog can be expensive and a bit of a pain to arrange.
if you are all ill then who walks the dog for an hour so it’s not going crazy inside. I found this hard with young kids and an active dog.
mud and hair so more cleaning.
dogs can’t compromise or adapt like kids can so you do have to fit a life around them.
vets and insurance are expensive as well as food and working and flea treatment. It all adds up each month.
its not nice when they poo or wee in the house.
it’s a pain when other dogs occasionally attack them and you have to get into an argument with another dog owner.
its is very not nice when they roll in fox or cat shit and you have to wash it off them while trying to get ready for work and keep the house clean.
I have had dogs all my life. I am now just left with a tiny elderly jack russel who is so easy but I don’t think I will be replacing her it can be so hard and a huge responsibility with young children as well.

When they want a cuddle it's really hard to get up and do the other jobs you're supposed to be doing. ..

"Separated when required" = pretty much all the time. You absolutely cannot guarantee that your children aren't going to terrify the crap out of the dog OR your dog is going to get super excited every time they are around and upset them.
It's really unfair on the dog to have to keep it separated in order for you to manage the situation as well. Dogs want to be with their family yet you have a situation where you are already talking about ways to prevent that.

I say this as a dog person. I absolutely love dogs. I think everyone should have one. But dogs and v small children are a massive stress. It's not a life for the dog either.

They're smelly, you will smell, your house will smell. you'll probably have dog hair all over your home and you and everything you own and your car. They can be expensive, they can be loud, difficult to train etc. People won't want you to come over with them even if you call them your fur baby

We finally got a dog 2 years ago, after waiting for several years to be in the right position to be able to care for a dog without huge problems.

She has been a mental health life savers for me and DD, so happy, loving and carefree - welcomes us if we are out even just popping out for a pint of milk. So happy when the alarm goes off and there's a new day, and just is so excited to wake up and be with us. We got her in September 2020, so our lives have changed massively, I now WFH 95% of the time.

DM is in walking distance and is dog care backup, and has thought about getting a dog but couldn't commit to the dog's needs. So she is very happy to have DDog and be a substitute dog owner. That was part of being able to get a dog, as when we got her the assumption was I'd be in the office 5 days per week. If DDog would be with her any length of time (more than a couple of days) I would get a dog walker to come and give her a good long walk to add to DM's walks round the block and play in the garden.

I have made a number of local friends through walking DDog at the same time each day in the park, and now have (never something I expected) several other people happy to have DDog if we're out, just as I have had their dogs when they needed occasional dog care.

In the last week we have gone down with the horrible germs going around, and DDog had 3 days without a proper walk. She's been bored but not destructive - tried to get us to play, but sighing and accepting it when not getting a response.

She was a stray, about 7 months old when we got her from an overseas rescue with a UK partner that brought dogs over and fostered them until placed.

The drawbacks - limited overseas holidays, it wouldn't be fair to DM. At this point this is minor, as DM is fit and healthy. As long as DM is able to get up to let DDog out in the garden this won't be a problem, as I would organise a dog walker for the longer walk, and DM loves having DDog around. But DDog is only 3, and DM is in her 80s. OTOH as DDog gets older she will need less activity and be just as happy to snooze on the sofa with someone familiar.

TL:DR

There are situations where a dog works, and others where it doesn't.

If the realities are in place there is nothing more amazing than a dog as part of the family.

If they aren't it is an on-going nightmare

@Claudia84 this is very dependent on the dog! I have young children and DDog she came first. I never leave them alone together but honestly she sleeps majority of the day (sight hound) and is not stressed or bothered by them at all. The only problem we have with her is being very protective of them when out on walks if other dogs are about.
The children have been taught gentle since babies not to get in her face and she has safe space if she wants it.
She knows after they go to bed is her silly playtime and she goes foe runs with Dh.

It's obviously dog dependent it's why we go for rescues rom smaller charities which foster dogs first.

Just picking up on your update @ProserpinaProserpina, obviously depending on the breed you choose you won’t necessarily be able to take a young puppy on hour long hikes for a good while.

The recommended amount of exercise is 5 min per month of age twice a day. We go over that a bit with our cocker spaniel and he’s usually out for around 30-45 min for his main walk, today we did just over an hour and he slept for ages afterwards. My husband finds this a bit frustrating as he’s a keen runner and wanted to take the dog with him.

'Is it snowing?? Quick! Run and poo check the garden in case the snow lies!'
Last year I couldn't let the kids out in the snow in the back garden because I was worried the dog had left a few surprise 😒