To ask you to tel me all the shit things about having a dog?

[ProserpinaProserpina]

Two preschool DCs, small house, large garden. I’m desperate for a dog. DH works from home in a workshop in the garden. Dog would spend most of the day with him. We’ve both had dogs before and live an active, outdoorsy lifestyle. I can’t think of any occasions that we go out to anywhere that a dog couldn’t come, and there is very rarely not someone home. I work 3 days per week but like I say, husband is around. I’m happy to do evening walks as required, dog could have the run of the garden all day every day, and DH has a very flexible (read: easy) schedule which would allow the dog to be walked as much as needed.

DH is happy with whatever and does absolutely adore dogs but is more pragmatic than me. He’s very much of the ‘if you want a dog, we’ll get one but it won’t be easy’ attitude which I’m a bit worried might bite me on that arse when things are difficult.

So please, tell me all the shit things about having a dog and why it’s a terrible idea to have a dog and children so that I can make a truly informed decision (ie. Not do it).

Tbh you sound like you have the pretty perfect set up to have a dog so if you want it go for it.

I have a friend who has a dog that they got while doing IVF. They now have 3 preschool kids and she is tearing her hair out. The dog has developed severe separation anxiety during covid and cannot be left in the house for even an hour. She can't take the dog out with the kids as it's too much. The dog has developed a severe health condition and requires medication which means that no one else can insure them so the insurance company can charge whatever they want every year.

Another friend is quite an anxious person and the dog is equally as anxious. It's now 9 and still bites, snarles at times, incontinent about 3/4 times a week. The dog barks all day every day, as in if I phone for 10 minutes she will be given 5 plus bones with treats inside to occupy her. The dog is up at least once during the night and barks until she is comforted. If anyone moves at all in the house overnight the dog barks until its comforted. She has had 3 x bowel obstructions with socks/peach pits and required an op so she is now uninsurable.

I believe there could be a solution to a lot of these issues through training/some kind of dog therapy/diazepam so I wouldn't imagine that every experience of dogs is like that but that's the main reasons I say no to my DH who is desperate for a dog.

I love dogs and think the negatives outweigh the positives. But I think the worst thing is you can't ever be 100% sure what they are going to be like. They may turn out to have extreme separation anxiety, aggression to dogs, aggression to people, really bad digestion issues, expensive health problems etc..

You can try and minimize the risk as much as possible by choosing sensibly and training/caring for them properly but it's not always guaranteed

More housework.

sorry that should say positives outweigh the negatives!

Your house will smell of dogs, no matter how clean you are. You will have to take your dog on holiday with you (love) or leave them behind (hate). They sometimes pee when you’re not expecting it. You have to take them for a walk at least twice a day no matter the weather. They might like digging up bits of your garden. They will bark and wake you up at night if they hear something strange (this is a good and bad thing). Grooming costs.

That said, the pluses far outweigh the negatives.

I agree with all previous but also...

• You/your house will always smell of dog. Dog people think they don't smell. Everyone else can smell it. Trust me.

• Depending on how you are as a dog owner, it might put people off visiting you/other kids coming for playdates, etc. Some people don't like dogs/don't want them jumping up, etc.

• You'll find it hard to visit other people/go to events for very long (because you'd have to leave the dog on its own) and it's possible some people might resent that.

They roll in poo,they eat poo,they be sick on the sofa,they bark and wake up the kids.

We have a 9 month old labrador and 2 DC aged 2 and 5. We have been very lucky that our pup has fit into our family a dream, she has never chewed anything she shouldn't have, she toilet trained easily and picked up all training very well. But DH is a huge dog lover and happily took a few weeks off work when we first got her. He has been the one to train her, walk her etc. Honestly she is the most wonderful dog and has completed our family.
However, if you want to know some downsides I would say:

• You have to be on your guard and never let the dog and DC be alone together, especially in the beginning.
• days out need more planning (we, like you, have an outdoor lifestyle but there will still be days you want to go somewhere the dog can't go)
• perhaps not the case for you, but when DH is at work I often have to take one or both DC with me to walk the dog. Sometimes that can be a battle if they don't want to go.
• mud everywhere
• garden is now trashed

They are truly the best though and wonderful for children to grow up with.

Their lovely soft paws and snuggly noses.

Why are you asking this if you've previously owned a dog?

Oh also Our older dog had cost us well over £2000 in vet fees this year that weren't covered by insurance

I think it's really easy to picture your dog lovingly laying down while the kids frolic in the garden, cozying up to a fire by the pub, walking through the highstreet etc.

All those things take lots of training and you'll have a dog that doesn't know what to do with other dogs for example without a lot of training, so you'll have lots of walks In the park where they are at best pulling like a train, at worst reactive.

No one gets a dog thinking my dog will be the dog that can't go to the park because its reactive.
It's a bit like how people picture parenthood, and then sometimes you have the toddler that's screaming down the restaurant or the runner. It doesn't mean it will always be like that but can change what you end up doing on a day to day basis

The shit bit about it is they don't live long enough.

Being the first downstairs early in the morning and never knowing if you will be greeted with vomit, diarrhoea, or dried up versions of either because the dog has licked up most of it and the underfloor heating has cooked the rest.

I adore my old boy but he’s expensive - talking around £300 a month for all his costs, he’s very needy to the point where I can’t shut any doors or he’ll cry, I haven’t had a lie in for 12 years and wandering around outside in the dark in the recent -9 temperatures was no fun.

That said, he’s gentle, good company, very helpful around the flat 🤔and gets me out walking several times a day rather than sitting indoors on my own.

Not with kids. Turns out both are really demanding and kids seem to come first.

Dog is left without attention or training. Dog is now burden. Dog is probably semi aggressive or problemsome in some other way. Dog has unacceptable interaction with kid. Dog destroyed.

This isn't Disney

Guilt on leaving them. We've gone from long 3 week holidays to husband being jittery about going away for the weekend - even though the dog is left with his parents who love her just as much, if not more, than we do. And she adores them - and gets far more walks than she does when she's with us.

Wouldn't be without her. Would we get another one when the inevitable happens? Not sure....partly because it wouldn't be her. But also they are a tie.

They can bite preschoolers

In the last week ours cost us £214 at the vets, is on meds that cost £100/month, pissed in our bed (after going outside for wee) and stood in shit this morning. Love him to bits though and I'm dreading the day he can't be with us - which will be the absolute worst thing about having a dog - the heartbreak.

OP did you have dogs before kids? Because it won’t be the same. Kids leave stuff laying around. Toys, sweets etc. you will have to be on it ALL the time to make sure dog isn’t picking up stuff they shouldn’t, eating stuff, destroying the kids toys etc. you won’t be able to leave them alone which will add extra stress while you are trying to do dinner etc. I wouldn’t. You couldn’t pay may to take that on with young kids. Besides, when you have a dog your life is many ways has to revolve around it. Not really fair on the kids imo

Toilet training, ruined carpets. And if they ever go on your bed it truly is disgusting 🤮
having to put them up in kennels or relying on others when you go away
destruction of things. Garden, shoes, etc
dog hair
cleaning up 💩
expense
having to walk them in all weathers
bites as puppies, you’ll get holes in EVERYTHING
barking
they smell

As everybody else has said. They are messy, muddy, grubby animals that smell.

They can also be not what you expected or wanted. I have a dog that hates car journeys, absolutely hates them. This means he can't go on long drives so my dreams of taking him out to the countryside for day trips or on holiday, are a no. He doesn't like sitting calmly in pubs etc and will whine and whine (hes had a trainer hes a doberman and its in the breeds nature to be stubborn snd demanding, its boring for him so he wont stop) so he can't ever go to cafes etc. So he doesn't go on any of these trips he stays at home on his own.

Some family, friends and your children's friends may come round less or not at all if they don't like dogs.

You will never be able to do anything spontaneous ever again.

Some dogs are absolutely impossible to toilet train. Some dogs experience trauma and then become incontinent . I've had 12 dogs over my life and currently have 4. A rescue dog which is 7 yo and has resisted every single attempt to house train her. She has to be locked downstairs with me, or in the bedroom at night. Both of those rooms have had to have 100% water proof flooring fitted. If I get up for a wee in the night, it's 50% 50% wether she has somehow magically got the puppy pad or if I will be standing in piss. My carpets get ruined very quickly from being shampooed every few months as I'm so paranoid.

Because of her issues I decided that I should take in some more troubled dogs. Making lemonade out of lemons. Doing a good thing.

My other , biggest dog is a chewer. I'm now on my 3rd couch suite in 3 years.

I've got a very aggressive territorial bitch that's been abused. I can't have any people in my house unless they are regular visitors as she goes BATSHIT. You need balls of solid rock to break into my house 😂.

My fourth dog doesn't like animals on the tv. At all. She starts howling. Then they all start singing with her. And it goes on for 3-4 minutes at A time.

Arseholes, all of them.

I totally love them though and prefer them to people.

I love dogs but would never have one again.
Endless picking up poo (especially when dog is pooing/weeing around small children/in areas they play)
Slobbering/chewing everything, including things kids will handle
Having to walk them in all weathers and even when you're ill
Vet bills/insurance
Concerns around children (advice is never leave a child alone with a dog, even lovely ones can nip if provoked - I do know someone who was badly bitten when dogs behaviour snapped...turned out it had a brain tumor, admittedly rare but still)
You can't go out for the day. Cinema and lunch, zoo, etc etc. Can't leave the dog that long, can't take with you.
Can't/shouldn't take to kids play parks
Can't go on holiday abroad unless using kennels/sitter. Limited UK hols because a lot of places (and other guests) don't want dog hair and mess
Dog hair and extra dust all over the house. And your clothes.
Muddy footprints everywhere and stinky dog smell (mostly when wet ime)
Stopping children feed dog poisonous things (off top of my head I believe grapes and choc?)
Just the sheer cost. Good food, yearly vaccinations, beds, toys etc etc
Training (don't even get me started on people with little dogs that won't do as instructed and are aggressive around other dogs and people because 'its only little, cant hurt anyone')
Ime they're happier with more than 1 (not acquired at the same time it'd be carnage)...and 2 small kids plus 2 dogs =🥴

Yes many of these are minor, but they are such a drag when it's all the bloody time. For me, having had dogs before, I loved them dearly but the cons outweigh the pros. Yes tied to the home to some degree with small kids but the thought of having to get back for the dog...no

Oh and also the come with us at the weekends things is a bit of a long shot. There's lots of places they can't go as a starter. They will need lead training etc so it won't start off as a nice walk.

However the things that's most annoying for us is that often it's too hot for a dog to be out all day in the summer. Then when they are young you can only walk them for really short periods so might not even be able to make it to the park let alone a day out, There's a nice period where they have good stamina but then they get old and equally can't be left

We had a recent holiday with others that made us realise how much it impacts our choices. It's a bit like when a child free person wants to do things at 7.00 or at naptime.

1. is it too hot for them to be out for this long?
2. is where we are going completely dog friendly eg at national Trust properties you are only allowed in the gardens, and people want to go in. 3)are we eating in somewhere dog friendly? If so is there enough of a walk before hand that my dog can settle in a pub? Can't go straight to a pub.
3. is it too long a walk? Our dog is elderly so can't do full days of walking anymore 5)is it too long to leave him?
4. did he do a lot of walking yesterday so need a slower day today?

That's without including important things like will my dog like it? Our dog is ploddy so will happily walk through town centres and call it exercise but lots of other dogs want off lead time instead. We took him to some things like a train that he didn't enjoy but could tolerate but there's only so much of that you can force on them

Our young dog wouldn't be able to sit in a pub for a full meal as it's too stimulating, as is things like walking through towns. She gets overwhelmed then naughty if we over do it.

We never realise how much thinking we do until you write it out!

You now have another kid on your hand so instead of sitting down with the kids you go and stand in the garden in the rain with the dog. In the morning you get up and you have to let them out even if you’re all sick and the weather is shit. You have to turn down plans that are far away because you’d be away from the dog for 8 hours. But the guilt is getting me here- they are 100 percent there for you no matter what and they are legends. Life is so so so much easier without a dog, so much, and the dog has worn me out as much as the kids, but he’s a member of the family and a legend!!