To be happy about breaking up a week before Christmas

[ThePriceOfSugar]

It's over! I had a whole thing planned for Christmas, I'm very good at making things feel special. However, he chose to pick a fight with me last weekend in the middle of an otherwise nice afternoon, and annihilated my character, insulting everything about me, from my style of texting to the way I cuddle and making sure he got in jibes about our intimate life. He managed to say "I don't love you or have loving feelings towards you" in the same breath as "everything wrong in this relationship is your fault".

He thought I'd cry and acquiesce and try to make peace, as usual, because I didn't want my plans ruined or to feel scared. But instead he finds himself single. And the last few days, I've woken up calm, knowing I've followed my instincts.

I'm going to eat Chinese food and get drunk on champagne with my Jewish friend on the 25th. AIBU to ask for your BEST breakup survival techniques and tips?

Ho ho ho 🎄

Wahey! Congratulations and Merry bloody Christmas!

YASS, you go girl, well done for ditching the fucker. Enjoy yourself this Christmas without him and watch some movies with strong female protagonists and count yourself among them. Make yourself some New Year Resolutions to keep things getting better and valuing yourself each and every day.
I haven’t any breakup stories to share, just wanted to give you a massive cheer! 💪🙌x

@ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou Updating to address your idea - got an invitation for tonight from a swarthy movie director I met for drinks on Friday night 😉

Whoop Whoop!

Ahh @SamuelDavies, the man who billed me for ⅓ of every uber we took together 😄

Well rid. If he criticises you so much, he is not right for you. You deserve better.

Merry Christmas OP. Sounds like it's off to a great start this year, good riddance!

Good on you, enjoy your festivities however you wish, he sounds horrible and you're well rid!

Good on you! He sounds toxic and he will only get worse, the more times you take him back, the more complacent he’ll become and he’ll start to think you’re a doormat and he can do or say whatever he likes and you’ll always forgive him. One thing I will tell you, is that a breakup is like a form of grief. It’s almost like giving up a bad addition. It has ups and downs, you’ll feel great one moment, strong and confident knowing you’ve done the right thing. The next moment you could feel tearful and weak and contemplate picking up the phone and forgiving him. Stay strong. You’re better off without this pos. I hope you have a fabulous Christmas and stay strong throughout the new year.

*addiction not addition

Wow!! I'm so proud of YOU!! You're going to have the BEST Christmas day 😍 Well done, that took some bravery but absolutely the right thing to do. Eat, drink, laugh and enjoy the time with your friend - look forward to the New Year xx

My advice is to remind yourself often that you have been strong and brave. Both things more women need to be imo.

I'm impressed with you and you should be impressed with yourself too!

Thank you so much everyone for these messages of support.

Breaking up is indeed very up and down. Today has been tearful.

But I am not wavering. Seeing or talking to him will not make me feel better, short or long term.

Every stranger's cheer for me here helps. Thank you ❤

Well done for keeping strong and not backing down

My sons dad announced on Dec 1st one year that he was leaving me and looking for a flat. He then came and went and kept changing his mind.
On Dec 22 I bagged his stuff and left it on the step and when he cried asking where to go I told him I couldn't give two shits.

That was my worst Christmas having to pretend for ds5 at the time but even then the relief of knowing I wouldn't have to put up with his cutting nasty jibes anymore was enough

Write it down
Email it to yourself
Email or chat on Relates chat option if you feel really down or struggling
Whatever you do, don't let him know how you feel
Don't give him the power
Grey Rock him and act like you're barely even aware he still exists

And remember the nasty names if you waver

You will have moments you'll miss him, but remember it's probably the routine and company you miss, not him

Replace him with people that bring you up to fill those moments and soon you will forget you need to fill moments xxx

I've got a "Fuck 'Em" playlist on Spotify and, if feeling bad, go for a long run listening to it. If running's not your thing, you could just blast it out and dance round the kitchen.

Remember to include songs he hates!

My list includes:
So what - Pink
Hot and Cold - Katie Perry
I Love It - Icona Pop
You Think You're A Man - Divine
I Want To Break Free - Queen
Baby I Don't Care - Transvision Vamp
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Fool For Your Lovin No More - Whitesnake

Ciao Adios by Anne-Marie is a good one.

And ABCDEFU by Gayle

I'm still standing, Elton John
Castles by Freya Ridings
Solo by clean bandit
Heartbreaker by Marina

Good on you OP! Fully agreeing with the fuck you play list. I think it's helpful to keep a bit of anger in your back pocket occasionally just in case you do waver, just as long as you let it go along the way.

I also find channelling my feelings in to a a workout to be great, so that you look extra fit on that security camera 😏

A latecomer to this thread but another one cheering you on. You sound bloody brilliant.

Well done
Stay strong and get out there & do stuff - visit an art gallery or museum & have coffee or lunch there, lunch time concert, shopping, whatever. I found that having a plan to go out was good.

Not ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chick's

Is one foe the play list - I still yell it out in the car when the mood takes me (colleagues not DP these days)

I was wondering where you'd get Chinese food on Christmas Day, but I see you're a New Yorker! I'd have to click a V at the security camera every.single.time I came in and out, but I AM juvenile

CONGRATULATIONS! Happy for you and proud of you, you deserve to be free of him - he sounds like a right c-u-next-Tuesday.
I'm a stranger on the internet but I'm actively rooting for your future happiness and success. Enjoy December 25 with your friend, and enjoy this absolutely amazing power move! 🎄

@Teaismymiddlename and @betrayedandwobbly - amazing posts by both of you. "Don't let him know how you feel" is a really powerful statement. Important one to keep in mind.

Also the crowd-sourced breakup playlist is so good! My ultimate cry song right now is Story by Brandi Carlile.

It seems important to get a good amount of crying done. "Whatever emotional debt you don't pay now, because of a rebound, still needs to be paid back - with interest", a wise friend says.

Thanks for being brilliant, mumsnet.