To be happy about breaking up a week before Christmas

[ThePriceOfSugar]

It's over! I had a whole thing planned for Christmas, I'm very good at making things feel special. However, he chose to pick a fight with me last weekend in the middle of an otherwise nice afternoon, and annihilated my character, insulting everything about me, from my style of texting to the way I cuddle and making sure he got in jibes about our intimate life. He managed to say "I don't love you or have loving feelings towards you" in the same breath as "everything wrong in this relationship is your fault".

He thought I'd cry and acquiesce and try to make peace, as usual, because I didn't want my plans ruined or to feel scared. But instead he finds himself single. And the last few days, I've woken up calm, knowing I've followed my instincts.

I'm going to eat Chinese food and get drunk on champagne with my Jewish friend on the 25th. AIBU to ask for your BEST breakup survival techniques and tips?

Ho ho ho 🎄

Nice one 💪

Well done OP! This made me smile to read that you are happy with your decision. Enjoy the festive period and to lifelong happiness!

@ThePriceOfSugar Have you replied with "Boo-fucking-Hoo" yet? 😉

Never been to NYC, is the Statue of Liberty really as tall and inspirational as I think she is?

You listen to your Mum girl!!
Have a brilliant Christmas and an even better New Year!
Take shit from NO man!!
😘

Wishing you all the best OP ...... sounds like the best present you could give yourself.

Must admit I loved the post where you mentioned coming out like a crocus in Spring..... but I misread it as circus and still thought it sounded brilliant ☺️

Thank you for the lovely messages of support. Each one is another gift 🥰.

@fancyacuppatea - Lady Liberty still gets me choked up when I see her from Little Island in the Hudson.

"From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

You did the right thing no matter what the time of year. I was trying to keep the peace with someone just to get past Christmas but 2 days ago I thought you’re just going to make it more miserable so I sent him packing too. I feel a bit meh but overall I know it’s better to get rid of a toxic shit bag asap

Have a strategy for when you weaken
Something you can read, a mantra to say, a plan of what to do. For me, a small tidying task helps, but that’s not for everyone!

And I confess I am a tiny bit envious of your planned day..!

Well done. And good luck x

Yay you! Have a fabulous Xmas! You got this!

They do say that the best way to get over one man is to get under another.

So if you're inclined why not try and find a lovely Christmas fling. It's how I celebrated the end of a 15 year marriage and was the quickest way to start feeling single and young again. Very much a matter of taste, however.

New lingerie is always indicated though. Go shopping.

@ThePriceOfSugar I split with my ex DP last weekend too, just sick of him spoiling days out or special occasions. We were together 10 years and 1 DS(7). I keep expecting to cry but I'm just not bloody sad, inconvenienced occasionally but not sad. I should have done this at least 6 years ago but better late than never. I'm still spending Christmas with him because of my DS but I've a big birthday coming next year that he doesn't get to spoil.

I'm moving onwards and upwards!

You don't need any tips from us. You have this handled all on your own. Well done!

Have a fantastic Christmas OP and a very happy new year!

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Power to you! That's even braver than me. I was also sick of the sense of dread whenever we planned to do or were doing something nice. My gut knew that my Christmas plans weren't going to happen, and like you I just feel kind of inconvenienced rather than sad about it.

I'll raise a coupe to you 🥂

Well done to you for getting rid of the dead wood (him).

Sounds a wonderful plan for Christmas Day too!

A very good friend of mine always goes somewhere warm for Xmas when her kids are with her ex. Which I always think sounds fabulous and I will definitely do one day! Or if not somewhere warm then somewhere interesting (or both).

Your Christmas day sounds fucking perfect to me! Good for you OP.

Whoop whoop well done OP! Your Christmas day sounds bloody awesome 🥂 enjoy

Tips-
Write a list of everything that pissed you off about him, every occasion he ruined, everything you couldn't do because of him.

Any moments of weakness or when you feel compelled to message him-DONT
Write down everything you want to say to him and file it away.

And I cannot even begin to describe the joy of a breakup mix tape. I'll start you off with Dua Lipa - don't start now! It's times like this when you really hear the lyrics.

And as a Pp said, prepare for the begging.
I'm 2 years on and he still tries his luck.

The best indicator to you was that feeling of calm, it says so so much when you feel relieved instead of being upset.

You will miss him at times naturally but don't mistake that for love.

@ThePriceOfSugar isn't it mad how long we put up with this carry on?! I've just lit my fire (the extravagance!), putting my DS to bed and then I'm taking up all the sofa and watching exactly whatever I want on tv with no judgement!

Happy Christmas 🎄😁

Sounds like you just give yourself the Christmas present.

Have an agreement with yourself for the moments where you think you might reach out. E.g. you can only do it after you've run 20k or done all the ironing or fully defrosted your freezer or some such task that will take do long than the urge have gone off you!

Block him in all ways op. Delete every text.. And bin every item you own that he chose...

@ThirtyThreeTrees that's a good suggestion! I want to work on a list of "mood changers" too, like taking a shower always works for me to quit a repetitive thought cycle. Even a visit to my Bodega or wine shop cheers me up because the shopkeepers know me and often slip me a treat.

And @pheonixrebirth - good song 😁.

I wasn't expecting him to beg at all, he always boasted about being so proud and resolute that he could just forget about exes the moment he decided they weren't serving him anymore. Guess he lost more than he bargained for ;)

I broke up with my ex actually on Christmas Day a few years ago! I was in a really vulnerable situation with illness and stress and he was a nice enough guy but emotionally illiterate and not at all what I needed; I had been desperately trying to be "better" for him and be what he wanted for months.

He got pissed off that I wanted to travel in 2 cars to his family's party on Christmas night, in case I wanted to leave earlier than him. He said in anger "maybe we should just break up" and I said OK. He dropped me off at my mum's house instead and that was the end of that. Relief.