AIBU to send my DD only to private school because she has special needs?

[Cookiecrumblepie]

My daughter will be starting reception next year, and she's just been diagnosed with autism. At the moment she is fine at her small nursery but she doesn't like busy environments and lots of stimulation etc, so I'm thinking a private school with small class size would be perfect for her.

However I can't afford to send both my children to private school, and my other younger daughter I would have to send to a public school.

Will this create resentment in future? Has anyone grown up with a sibling with special needs (and required extra help). Were you resentful? Or did you grow up understanding why your parents treated each child differently?

@TheNoodlesIncident and @twinteenwrangler speak sense.

Will you still have enough money to provide other life experiences for your younger child e.g. days out, clubs, tuition holidays? If all your money goes on the eldest and the youngest has no life as a result then yes that absolutely will breed resentment. And that's before you get to the life advantages a private education can bring.

You also shouldn't discount the possibility of your youngest having additional needs. She's only 2, you have no idea what may happen in the next few years. What if she ends up with more pronounced needs than her sister? Will you withdraw your eldest from private school to send your youngest instead?

There will be state schools that can meet your daughter’s needs. There will be private schools that can do that too. Whether the ones in your area, either state or private, can do that, is something you will only know by going to visit and meeting with the staff who will be responsible for ensuring she has the provision she needs.

There’s no reason why you shouldn’t apply for an EHCP either, but it can take a while.

Honestly, I have been a teacher, sendco and now I'm an inclusion manager at a local authority.

I would be very wary of private school, my overwhelming experience is that they are not very inclusive. I believe this is because they work on a business model and children with SEND often need more resources to get the same outcomes; the attitude of teachers/culture isn't supportive of inclusion; the staff have less experience of supporting children with wide ranging needs.

I would personally be looking at your state options, researching what good support looks like and asking to speak to the school sendco before making a decision. Loom at the ofsted reports and see what they specifically say about SEND.

A state primary will have access to lot of support that a private school would have to pay for in helping them to help your daughter...Ed Psych time each term, outreach from a special school in the borough, specialist and advisory teachers (including those with an autism specialism), inclusion team etc.

Also, many private schools charge the parents for any 1:1 support they need. If this is deemed necessary this would be covered in state.

If her needs are significant, I would make sure the her current nursery are keeping good records about how they are following thr graduated approach so that they can put an early EHCP referral in if necessary.

Good luck!