To be very pissed off that my ex husband's girlfriend is pregnant?

[50srefusenik]

My ex H was emotionally and physically abusive for years and I finally called time on it in 2017. Decree absolut in 2019. Ex H's numerous girlfriends came and went. Children are now 19 and 15. He is 54 and his latest girlfriend is 39 and pregnant. He had a MASSIVE heart attack at the end of October and is lucky is be alive. It's unclear how this will impact his long term health and professional prospects - he is a hospital consultant.

Why I am pissed off? Because I fear that my DS, 15, will be usurped and ignored when the baby arrives. DS has had a tricky relationship with his father, historically, but it is now much better. DD is 19, at uni and very independent. The girlfriend won't want my children around and I fear how this will affect them.

Yes. Very well said and the right thing to do.

I totally hear you, OP. YANBU.

Your son will make his own judgement in time. If ex is a deadbeat, your kids won’t need a new sibling to highlight this- they are probably already aware and if not, will be soon.
Id keep communicating with them and let ex get on with things- go and live your life and enjoy your freedom from having small kids and being in a shit marriage

Are you not concerned he will abuse her and/or the baby?

also if my ex husband beat me up and my kids had to go through therapy I wouldn’t want him anywhere near them.

crazy that your upset about this rather than the fact he’s a dangerous abuser around your kids and potentially beating up another woman.

Slightly off-topic but why are so many referring to ‘step-siblings’ they share the same biological father so are half-siblings right? Blood relations.

I felt sorry for her too. Pregnant first baby with a clapped out old banger of a partner.

Your DS has a good mum to lean on. Enjoy your time with him it flies now

I don’t understand. Your ex had a massive heart attack and your main concern isn’t that your kids will probably soon lose their dad.

I voted you are being unreasonable only because if I were you I would count your blessings that you are out of an abusive relationship and you can sleep soundly knowing you don’t have to put up with the abuse anymore. Having a new born with someone in your 50s with a health condition prone to out violent bursts sounds like hell on earth and she needs sympathy more than anything. She will come to see his true colours. You have a successful job you and kids that are becoming more independent- you should be very proud of yourself for what you have achieved.

This was my thought too! Giggle at the thought of the lack of sleep and poo everywhere, your son will be fine he's got you as his mother. I raised my two boys without their dads help and they've done wonderfully

I was thinking your feelings were actually pretty natural until you made that nasty comment about the girlfriend making bad choices because her brain was affected by not having had children before middle age. Shame on you.

I was the new baby in a similar scenario in the early 1970’s and my half sisters were 17, 19 and 21 when I was born. They hated me and taught their partners and my nieces and nephews to hate me. I was left with nobody - NOBODY to call family when my both my parents died in my late teens.

Have a word with yourself and your children and make sure the hapless girlfriend and the baby don’t suffer for your misogynist nonsense.

Again, shame on you.

Oh op. I feel so sad for you. You are so obsessed with him and so jealous of her.

i really hope you can find some peace. He’s moved on. He doesn’t want you. It’s time to let go.

It’s probably unlikely that he’s going to be a more hands on dad in his mid 50s and with a serious medical condition. You may find that spending time with your son is added to the list of excuses to get away and he sees more of his dad. You can’t control the ex, just concentrate on the fact that you’re all free of the abuse, and that you won’t be coping with a young child in your late 50s and a teenager in your retirement!

Oh cmon .no one is this naive surely`? Yes it’s very sad for the op her marriage ended and he’s moved on and is having another child, and yes it’s sad she’s envious and can’t cope..but this isn’t about her kids, it’s about her.

You do know she didn’t magically get pregnant by herself don’t you?

It’s not sad her marriage ended he was abusive, the kids saw the abuse, police witnessed the abuse. She ended the marriage. Best thing is to remind herself of this and that his current situation isn’t one that many people would be jealous of. She maybe needs reminding of the reality

I'm not always sure a shit dad is better than no dad. If he's busy with his new girlfriend and baby then that's less time he has to make your life difficult and traumatise your children further.

Try not to get drawn in to his chaos, you have your own separate, stable and loving environment for your kids now, don't worry about his drama.

I can understand your fear that your DS could be usurped, but judging by your ex's previous form, he'll probably be only too glad to spend time with a 16-year-old rather than with an exhausting baby/ toddler, he sounds far too selfish to be a hand-on Dad.

As an outsider, I could potentially feel sorry for his gf, as she'll have no idea what he's like with young children and he certainly won't have admitted that he ever said that your 'DS is not the son I wanted" - what an appalling comment.

I wonder whether he's considered the increased risks associated with advanced maternal/paternal age?

the 4 year old being "usurped" didn't put you off of having a second child?

Who wants to be doing uni open days when they are 73 or paying uni fees on their mid 70’s?

My dad did. He didn’t quite make it that far but he would have been there if he could. The children of older parents are always cast as some sort of joy leach in these threads. My dad managed to hold off on the heart attack until I was home from the hospital, and survived another 16 years. I’d like to think the time that I was in his life he wasn’t thinking “who wants to be in these rock pools/on this sideline/at this nativity play? I could be in Eastbourne playing bingo if it weren’t for these pesky kids”. You don’t not love your baby because you are old.