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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry Xenia...

588 replies

duchesse · 02/02/2008 16:58

...for starting that thread when I didn't believe you existed (and I genuinely didn't). I've done some proper research now, and realise that you are real person with fantastic real achievement. I apologise unreservedly for my previous thread, which was genuinely not designed to get at you since I did not believe you existed. I am aghast and incredibly impressed at how much you have achieved, and look forward to sparring with you again some time...

OP posts:
Piffle · 04/02/2008 11:01

how=who

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 14:22

I just think Xenia has an extremely limited view of the world. I find her frighteningly narrow minded in her views of what women should and shouldn't do, and is condescending (in the extreme) in her manner. I do find her views ridiculous - laughably so - more often than not. It's not an objective statement, it's my opinion, 'tis all ;-)

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 14:39

But aren't we all a bit narrow minded in our own way? We form opinions based on life experiences and usually associate with people of similar backgrounds and status. Xenia's earnings put her in the top 1% financially, so it's probably hard for her to relate to 'ordinary' people, especially as she has sent her children to private schools and utilised full-time childcare almost from birth.

I live in a twee, middle class world, but at least by staying at home to care for my children and sending them to state schools I have mixed with a wider cross-section of society.

Xenia has argued in the past that people like me are actually the hypocrites, because we can afford to move into the catchment areas of decent schools, so we can pay lip service to our Socialist ideals whilst not having to subject our children to knife weilding gangs in deprived inner cities.

It's an interesting argument.

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 14:52

She pours scorn on women who don't live their lives like she does. I could pull up a dozen posts that demonstrate this. I just don't like her persona on MN. As for RL - whatever. I applaud her success. I doubt she would ever applaud mine, though.

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 14:58

She certainly wouldn't applaud me - I was sahm for 12 years so worse than a prostitute who is at least honest about the transaction she is entering into

But I still like a chat with xenia - I've even agreed with her on a few occasions!

chocolatedot · 04/02/2008 15:00

Surely Xenia can't be so black and white about everything in real life? How could anyone maintain friends and hold down a job and be utterly convinced that your own way of doing things is the right one?. I'm genuinely puzzled!

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 15:06

I'm sure it's fine if you only ever mix with wealthy North Londoners whose main interest is how much one earns

Flibbertyjibbet · 04/02/2008 15:09

I don't get this. The thread is entitled 'sorry xenia' but is full of threads picking her and her life apart and giving opinions.
Horrible.
If you aren't of a mind to be 'sorry xenia' then why not start another thread entitled 'why I don't like xenia', and see how long before it gets pulled.
I have never seen another mnetter the subject of threads like this, its the 2nd one I've seen (another before xmas), surely its not what mumsnet is about?

Flibbertyjibbet · 04/02/2008 15:09

I don't get this. The thread is entitled 'sorry xenia' but is full of threads picking her and her life apart and giving opinions.
Horrible.
If you aren't of a mind to be 'sorry xenia' then why not start another thread entitled 'why I don't like xenia', and see how long before it gets pulled.
I have never seen another mnetter the subject of threads like this, its the 2nd one I've seen (another before xmas), surely its not what mumsnet is about?

Habbibu · 04/02/2008 15:11

Not sure I'm keen on how this thread is going, tbh - it was ok when we were talking directly to Xenia, but do you not think it's all getting a bit personal now? I'm not sure I'd like the kind of comments posted lately to be about me.

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:16

I have spoken to Xenia directly on many occasions. She is more than capable of sticking up for herself, btw. But if it offends you so, I'll keep my opinions to myself for now.

Habbibu · 04/02/2008 15:17

I'm not offended, and I'm very sure of Xenia's ability to look after herself. It's the principle I'm wondering about - is this really in the spirit of MN?

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:19

I don't know - what is the spirit of MN?

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 15:19

She'll be back and she won't mind it at all. She has said on many occasions that she finds arguments stimulating. She often pokes a little fun at herself and is unfailingly polite. I think that this thread just proves that she is one of the most interesting MNers. No one would start a thread about me, would they? My views are too middle of the road.

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:22

True@ fortyplus - sort of. I'd say 'infuriating' more than 'interesting', though. A lot of people remember her because she has insulted/offended/patronised them, rather than stimulated interesting debate.

Look, I don't want to come across as some sort of weird Xenia-hating stalker. I'm not, at all. I just came across this thread and posted my opinion. I don't hate the woman. Christ, i don't even know her.

Habbibu · 04/02/2008 15:26

MrsMattie, I really wasn't directing my post at you, or anyone else. I know Xenia loves an argument, but I find a thread discussing another MNer just a bit wierd (and will fully hold my hands up to hypocrisy, as I have participated here, but have thought about it a bit more). But if no-one else is bothered, fine. I'll go and put the kettle on!

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:29

No offence taken@Habbibu - and I do see your point. I guess I do get quite unreasonably angry with Xenia, for my own reasons and on the behalf of other MN-ers who she has completely slaughtered (albeit ever so politely ) with her often very cutting judgements.

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 15:29

I think it would bother some people but we all know that xenia thrives on all this so that makes it fine imo. If she turned round and said that she was uncomfortable with it I'm sure we's all have the good grace to bugger off!

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:31

Yes, I would, I promise@fortyplus! . I'm not a bully (honest!).

fortyplus · 04/02/2008 15:31

I have even been known to go out on a friend's horse on a beautiful sunny day and think to myself 'HAH!!! Xenia is hard at work while I'm enjoying myself!'

How sad does that make me?

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 15:32

PMSLLLLL

Judy1234 · 04/02/2008 17:19

What we need to get away from is women who say nice things to each other all the time at the school gates etc behind very very fake smiles whilst thinking completely the opposite of what they say and avoiding confrontation at all costs. It doesn't serve them well in life or at work and it's a form of dishonesty - this pretending we agree with everyone thing. The less you see it on mumsnet the better.

Perhaps we need a converse of the rules - only say what you mean, don't flatter or sympathise with someone when you don't really mean it etc etc

I have a mixture of views on all kinds of subjects.

pointydog · 04/02/2008 17:21

lol - I like that post, xenia

Really not sure where it would get you in life, but I like it. Maybe I should've read the thread...

Judy1234 · 04/02/2008 17:33

It was removed quite promptly before I saw it.

You need a middle ground. I'm not suggesting everyone be aggressive at work at work always in order to get on although sometimes it helps to blow your own trumpet rather than apologising for existing like some women.

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