AIBU to think she’s lying?

[TS45]

I have always been very close with my best friend. We went to primary and high school together, we shared uni accommodation together and studied the same course together. She’s incredibly sweet and smart, and I couldn’t imagine life without her. And that’s why I’m struggling a lot now.

Around 6 years ago, she had a simple operation she paid privately for. Whilst the operation went well, she ended up with slight nerve damage in her upper thigh. This hasn’t affected her in any way. She’s still able to work, drive, and walk. She occasionally complains of pain but this doesn’t impact her mobility in any way. Within the last three years, she has informed me that she has sued the hospital and will be receiving millions in compensation. She has been awaiting payment for the full three years which she states will be in her account ‘any time now’ .When I questioned the amount being won by her, she exclaimed that it is to cover loss of earnings. She works as a cashier in a supermarket and only took 2 weeks off for the duration. She also has not had any additional treatments, ramps, special cars, etc. She continues to live normally with zero adjustments ever having been needed.

She has begun spending excessive amounts on credit cards and always states her ‘compo will cover it’, despite it never arriving. I’m getting very concerned about her. She is thousands in debt and shows zero anxiety as she claims she’s days away from becoming a multi-millionaire anyway, despite saying this for years. I believe her behaviour is becoming reckless. Her house is currently on the market ready for when she can purchase her mansion.

I want to seek help for her but I don’t know whether she is being truthful about the amount being won or not. If she is being truthful then I risk our friendship. If she’s not being truthful, she’s going to be in very serious financial trouble. Has anyone ever won compensation before or knows anything about it to give me some insights?

Thank you

What does it matter to you? In the kindest way it’s none of your business

If this has been going on for years I would say it sounds like mental illness.

I don’t know much about compensation, but if this were my friend I’d be very concerned too. Is just sounds dodgy af. If someone were permanently paralysed by medical negligence, then I think substantial sums might be involved but this sounds … unlikely.

My exh did similar. His car was burnt out and he told everyone that would listen he was getting compensation and insurance payout. Took the dc to look at cars. Ordered brochures etc.
2 years later nothing.
Turned out his car wasn't even insured at all. Just smile and nod op. And never lend her a penny..

Sounds like mental illness to me too. Does she have DPs or siblings you know and could have a quiet word with? I had a colleague with bi polar disorder and in a manic phase behaved like this, buying cars he couldn’t afford and talking about buying a house too.

I know someone who sued nhs for negligence when their child died and won, it took almost 10 years from incident to court and payment came quickly. She didn’t end up with millions though.

I was expecting you to say she's been asking to borrow money ahead of her payout but nope, you are just extremely concerned for her.

Seems highly unlikely she'll get a significant amount of money if her life hasn't been seriously impacted.

But anyway she is either:
Getting the money
Lying
Mentally unwell and believes this fantasy.

No matter which option there is not much you can do other than be there for her. You could perhaps offer to review the paperwork and help her chase up her payment? You could spend time becoming more knowledgeable on debt management in case that becomes an issue for her.

Hopefully it will come to nothing.

I got £4,500 in compensation for nerve damage during a simple operation in my hand in childhood, 30 years ago. It can affect my grip and causes occasional pain. She is very deluded about the sums involved and I would be worried for her too.

Can you ask her directly what the hold up is on receiving the compensation? Has she received written confirmation of the agreed settlement?

Could you approach it from the angle that you're scared the lawyers might be taking advantage of her? Maybe just say "I am concerned that because your payout is taking so long to process, that the lawyers might be stringing you along. Unless you have the money in the bank, I really do think you'd be wiser to hold off on any purchases, just in case".

Yeah she will get 0-9,999k max
No more than that.

A family member of mine had an operation go wrong, doctor admitted it and told them to take legal action - it's been ongoing for years, they kept saying they were going to get over £100k and kept promising myself and other family members they would give us money for certain things, we all rolled our eyes as they're a bragger anyway. Everything's gone quiet and I've found out they got paid a LOT less than what they were thinking because the solicitor had to take their cut and the settlement wasn't anywhere near £100k.

Try and bring her back down to earth, I can't see this ending well.

She’s lying. I know three people who sued the NHS for damages and all of them had to provide evidence from various different medical professionals to prove they couldn’t work/ had ongoing life long medical costs and multiple medical reports from consultants. None of them got “millions”. The NHS have a very good legal department and there is no way they’d be paying out millions (or even hundreds) to someone who can still work and walk and carry on their normal activities of daily living. It’s just not possible this would ever, ever happen. Sounds like your friend has a mental health issue/spending addiction.

Compensation for this kind of thing would not be millions. It might be a couple of thousand though. It could well be that she is awaiting a payout but probably unlikely enough to buy a house outright.

Does she have family you could ask about her spending habits? Is this the only thing that is unusual about her behaviour? I would be seeing if you could get some more info about it, which legal firm is she dealing with, when does she expect to get it, does she need to go to court? If the answers to these things don't sound plausible then it may well be she is having delusions and needs mental health support.

My brother had a nerve injury in his hand due to a faulty saw - he had a few operations, was in a cast for some time, still impacts his life now as he can't straighten his one finger properly, has horrendous pain in the winter, cannot grip properly and struggles tying shoe laces and fine motor skills due to his hand not working well, he manages and works around it.

He got something like £15,000 & legal fees - certainly wasn't millions!

If she is actually your best friend op, just sit her down and ask her.

I’m a paralegal and medical negligence is my field. I have 20 years experience and can categorically tell you your friend is lying. There’s no way a nerve damage injury would ever be paid millions in compensation. From your brief description and given that it doesn’t affect her daily living, she’d be lucky to get £1-2k.

It sounds like she’s having some sort of mental health crisis. Can you talk to her family? That’s not normal behaviour at all.

My mum sued the NHS for total nerve damage to her shoulder which meant her arm just dangled and she couldn't use it all apart from her hand which bizarrely worked. It took 4 years and she settled out of court for £100k. Your friend sounds like she's talking rubbish I'm afraid as the damage sounds minimal.

I know someone who was awarded money because of medical negligence, there’s nerve damage which has affected her mobility, causes regular issues with infections and stuff because of the loss of sensation to the lower part of her legs and she has a permanent catheter in.

She got nowhere near a million pounds.

So yeah, your friend isn’t getting that much, if anything.

Was it for liposuction? I'd have thought that when completing the consent for the operation there would be some kind of waiver/acknowledgement that there is a possibility that x,y,z could happen.

She can’t be suing the NHS because she had the operation privately (as per the OP).
No she won’t get millions, even if she wins.

Well I wouldn't say she is 'lying' per se, if she has gone as far as to put her house on the market so she can move in to a mansion, then she believes it to be true herself which would make it a delusion.

Maybe have a discreet word with a family member and get some mental heath advice before she gets herself if serious shit financially.

Was the operation in the UK?

In the uk you would get costs for loss of earnings, loss of future earnings, maybe an amount for pain and suffering, and any additional costs (eg carers, costs of home modifications, private therapy etc). For the medical parts of it you need independent medical assessments agreed between all parties to write reports on you. For small straightforward claims most insurers would want to settle as soon as possible otherwise the legal costs exceed the cost of the claim. The only times I've heard of people getting millions are people with horrific life changing injuries (losing an arm, never able to work again, head injuries etc). It would also be an unusually long time to settle a claim that didnt involve a condition that may change in the future or require a lot of debate (eg some claims like loss of mobility might take a while as they wait to see how someone improves before agreeing what their future is going to look like).

If the operation was in the US then there is chance it would be more but again I would think you would be talking 10-20 times a uk payout so maybe 50k-200k

So yes I think you're right to be concerned. She is either deluded or someone is scamming her somehow. She could have claimed for millions and be refusing to settle at anything they have offered...but she wont get it, if it goes to court she won't be any better off and I dont think any self respecting solicitor would assist her with a claim that was so grossly inflated

I'd agree with seeing if you can offer to help her with any court documentation or complaining to anyone

Private operation means she can't sue the NHS...

It sounds like she’s misunderstood her lawyers or they are taking her for a ride.

Or perhaps she’s depressed and knows she will never have a cushy life in a mansion. She’s maybe not been paying the mortgage and they’ve told her the house will need to be sold soon so that’s why it’s for sale? She’s preempting things in the hope she can get the money in her account and blow it.
She perhaps is having a last blowout with a view to deliberately going bankrupt.

She won’t tell you though she’ll just ‘move away from the area to a large property” which you will never see. And she’ll stop keeping in touch as she is actually a rented flat that she can’t admit to anyone.

Or perhaps debts force the sale of her house so she can fix this mess by paying all her cards off?

OP hasn't said anywhere that she has sued the NHS - she said she has sued the (private) hospital.