AIBU to think she’s lying?

[TS45]

I have always been very close with my best friend. We went to primary and high school together, we shared uni accommodation together and studied the same course together. She’s incredibly sweet and smart, and I couldn’t imagine life without her. And that’s why I’m struggling a lot now.

Around 6 years ago, she had a simple operation she paid privately for. Whilst the operation went well, she ended up with slight nerve damage in her upper thigh. This hasn’t affected her in any way. She’s still able to work, drive, and walk. She occasionally complains of pain but this doesn’t impact her mobility in any way. Within the last three years, she has informed me that she has sued the hospital and will be receiving millions in compensation. She has been awaiting payment for the full three years which she states will be in her account ‘any time now’ .When I questioned the amount being won by her, she exclaimed that it is to cover loss of earnings. She works as a cashier in a supermarket and only took 2 weeks off for the duration. She also has not had any additional treatments, ramps, special cars, etc. She continues to live normally with zero adjustments ever having been needed.

She has begun spending excessive amounts on credit cards and always states her ‘compo will cover it’, despite it never arriving. I’m getting very concerned about her. She is thousands in debt and shows zero anxiety as she claims she’s days away from becoming a multi-millionaire anyway, despite saying this for years. I believe her behaviour is becoming reckless. Her house is currently on the market ready for when she can purchase her mansion.

I want to seek help for her but I don’t know whether she is being truthful about the amount being won or not. If she is being truthful then I risk our friendship. If she’s not being truthful, she’s going to be in very serious financial trouble. Has anyone ever won compensation before or knows anything about it to give me some insights?

Thank you

That's such an odd response, I can only think that @Allthingsbrightandugly doesn't have any friends

I agree with all the other posters, for whatever reason she is making the whole thing up

There are limits for insurance payouts set by the courts , she'll be lucky to get £1,000 if that.

I've been a personal injury lawyer for 20 years. She's lying.

Do you think she may have gone with those tv/online lawyers that promise you the earth and have bigged up what she would get? My friend is still in the process for her child and it's over 15years now with no end in sight yet

For those of you saying she’s got a secret lottery win - how do you explain the fact her friend has been saying she’s due money……..for 3 YEARS? 🙄

No solicitor firm would ever tell her that her case is “worth millions”, yes even the ambulance chaser ones, because you forget they still have to do all the work, go to court and argue their case when they know the minute a judge sets eyes on it they would be severely reprimanded for wasting the court’s time and probably fired for wasting resources at their firm too.

Also as another poster pointed out once a settlement figure has been agreed, the payout happens shortly after. It most certainly does not take 3 years!

I’ve worked on the top 3 cases of medical negligence payouts in the U.K. the ones which were awarded millions, those cases were complex and took years to even agree an amount due to the ever changing needs of the person involved and their long term prognosis. It just would never happen that a case “worth millions” would be done and dusted within months and a settlement payout be ongoing for 3 years.

It really sounds like your friend is in a deep mental health crisis which has led to massive debt accruing. Maybe she’s got scammed by someone pretending to be a solicitor? That’s the only other logical explanation I can think of if it isn’t a mental health crisis.

speak to her family ?

i thought there was a 3 year time limit, ie within 3 years of procedure.
i hope she hasnt fallen for some sort of scam

I don't know, one of my friends sued and was awarded 350k...

Because she’s her friend? Of course it matters to her.

I have a BA (hons)
I worked in a supermarket for 15 years @TheShellBeach because the security and the hours suited my family life with a disabled husband and child.

HTH.

Yes this. If she's not previously shown herself to be delusional, is it possible that she's being preyed upon by someone unscrupulous? Either an actual lawyer or an "agent".

I would recommend sitting her down and kindly saying that things arent really adding up and you're concerned that she's exposing herself to significant loss.

But honestly I would say that once to her, and then distance myself.

is she selling her house because she is in so much financial trouble?

She is certainly deluded if she thinks she will get millions in compensation, assuming there is no more to the injury than you have described. At most it will be a low four figure sum.

I know we shouldn't armchair diagnose but her reckless and impulsive behaviour, extending as far as to put her house on the market, couple with the belief in this "multi million win" seems to indicate some kind of mania to me, often seen in conditions like BPD.

I know someone who gets periods on mania and his are linked to religion, but he gets ridiculously hyped up and sure of himself and preaches to others about how he's discovered the truth, is so deliriously happy etc.

I would be extremely concerned about her mental health especially if she has DC.

No she wouldn't be.
Op said she paid to go private, I think people missed that and are assuming NHS.

Payments in the millions are usually to support the life long care after medical negligence. As your friend is mobile, working a suffering relatively minor symptoms in comparison to some patients I don't believe she'll be awarded millions, maybe 10's of thousands at the most.
If she has taken the no win no fee route she will also be losing some 'compo' to the legal team too.
You are right to be concerned for her though.

Hi Op, I’m a lawyer and also received compensation two years ago for medical negligence. To put it into context, our DD died (she passed away during labour) and it was found her death was avoidable. We received thousands in comp, not millions.

Some of the compensation we received was for my lost earnings as I had months off work afterwards and I had to provide a lot of evidence to support that including letters from my employer. As a lawyer I knew there would need to be lots of evidence needed for actual losses. For example we had to provide a detailed breakdown of all the things we’d bought for DD so we could claim that back. In addition I had a psychiatrist assessment for mental anguish and future costs such as ongoing counselling. There was much much more to it of course and so many investigations and proof had to be provided.

I have to say I think your friend is being untruthful. Whilst our case was ongoing, I looked up compensation levels and read a lot of case law and it would be so unlikely she would get millions for what sounds like a minor consequence from her op. As another example, my dad lost the sight in one eye due to a mistake during a cataract op which has affected his day to day life and he also got thousands, not millions. Our case was also settled in a year so for hers to take three years means it will either have gone all the way to court or she’s lying. Sorry.

@Willmafrockfit

the 3 year limit only applies to issuing your claim - starting it with the courts - complex claims often then take a lot longer from that point onwards.

I know someone who believed he would get hundreds of thousands for a work injury and he went on about it for years. He eventually got about £40k. Maybe they are led to believe it could be a lot more and they pin all their hopes on the life changing amount that’s coming their way.

I don’t think it would help if you said anything.

What a bizarre and extremely unkind attitude. What is wrong with you?

It doesn't matter if the op was NHS or private. Medical negligence claims are about putting you back in the situation you would be without the negligent act. So paying for loss of earnings, adaptations you might need to your home, physio, travel expenses. And a smaller amount for emotional distress.

And in order to get ANY compensation you have to prove negligence in the first place - that the doctor did not do something, or did something, that a reasonable other doctor would not have done. There are risks will all procedures and that is why you are asked to sign to say you accept the risks.

She sounds bipolar and like she's having a phase of mania. She's out of touch with reality. She needs proper help.

That's really worrying for you about your best friend OP. Either she is deluded and perhaps unwell or lying to you. If she hasn't asked to borrow money from you with promise of payment once her cheque arrives, I think maybe it's the former and she is a bit mentally unwell.

As she is your best friend could you probe a bit deeper? Ask her about it how she sued them, who she used as the lawyer, say things like "but surely there is a limit for payouts?" and just sound her out more and see how far you get. Failing that do you know someone in her family you could talk this over with? But I have to agree it does sound really concerning. However - to protect yourself do not lend her anything!

The only thing I can think that might have happened, is that she hasn’t told you about something that it DID affect. If the nerve damage was in her upper thigh, might it have affected her pelvic region and therefore had a serious impact on her sex life or bladder control? Something which could still allow her to work but which might impact her relationships? Could the damage in her upper thigh have affected her pudendal nerve or sciatic nerve for example?

I’m probably scraping the barrel for ideas and it does seem much more likely to be a psychological crisis your friend is having but just wondering about other possibilities.

She's been scammed. I guarantee that she's paid the "lawyers" and that she hasn't even had to attend court, right? She's not lying, she's been scammed.