AIBU to think she’s lying?

[TS45]

I have always been very close with my best friend. We went to primary and high school together, we shared uni accommodation together and studied the same course together. She’s incredibly sweet and smart, and I couldn’t imagine life without her. And that’s why I’m struggling a lot now.

Around 6 years ago, she had a simple operation she paid privately for. Whilst the operation went well, she ended up with slight nerve damage in her upper thigh. This hasn’t affected her in any way. She’s still able to work, drive, and walk. She occasionally complains of pain but this doesn’t impact her mobility in any way. Within the last three years, she has informed me that she has sued the hospital and will be receiving millions in compensation. She has been awaiting payment for the full three years which she states will be in her account ‘any time now’ .When I questioned the amount being won by her, she exclaimed that it is to cover loss of earnings. She works as a cashier in a supermarket and only took 2 weeks off for the duration. She also has not had any additional treatments, ramps, special cars, etc. She continues to live normally with zero adjustments ever having been needed.

She has begun spending excessive amounts on credit cards and always states her ‘compo will cover it’, despite it never arriving. I’m getting very concerned about her. She is thousands in debt and shows zero anxiety as she claims she’s days away from becoming a multi-millionaire anyway, despite saying this for years. I believe her behaviour is becoming reckless. Her house is currently on the market ready for when she can purchase her mansion.

I want to seek help for her but I don’t know whether she is being truthful about the amount being won or not. If she is being truthful then I risk our friendship. If she’s not being truthful, she’s going to be in very serious financial trouble. Has anyone ever won compensation before or knows anything about it to give me some insights?

Thank you

OP unless she has a history of tall tales, in my experience, the most likely explanation is that she has goggled compensation payouts for nerve damage and came up with her figure. Her solicitor may well have advised her that she is being utterly unrealistic but often people prefer their own dalliance with Google research to a professional’s opinion, based on often decades of experience.

I want to seek help for her but I don’t know whether she is being truthful about the amount being won or not.
Well I think you know now, from the sensible advice given by PP.

If she is being truthful then I risk our friendship. If she’s not being truthful, she’s going to be in very serious financial trouble.
Real friends are not afraid to challenge each other.

She's not being truthful - but that may not be deliberate. It sounds more like a delusion or MH issue. Maybe even a way of dealing with something like a shopping addiction.

It's horribly sad, I feel sorry for her at 3rd hand, & you must feel so worried.
How good are you with straight talking?
Can you spell out your concerns, & what trouble she is going to have to manage when this fantasy payout doesn't happen?

Something isn’t adding up here.

I’m actually in a relatively similar position with compensation due (in the thousands not millions though). Once the compensation figure is agreed, either privately or via court, there’s usually a deadline of when it will be paid. That’s the end of the process, not the beginning, so once compensation is agreed it doesn’t take years to be paid out. The investigation and legal process would either have been completed, or suspended in lieu of the compensation agreement.

If you’re in a position of receiving compensation, it’s not something you’d really advertise to others. Mainly as the UK legal system isn’t very compensation-happy. All you really get is your expenses covered to place you back to the position you were in before the issue occurred. It’s not a lottery win.

Also just wanted to say that medical negligence claims are very fact specific and it’s rare to achieve millions in compensation. I remember reading about the NHS leaving a child brain damaged to the extent they will need life long 24/7 carers - that level of significant consequence ends up with millions in compensation to cover the cost of care. It’s literally worked out as “average cost to hire adequate carers per year” multiplied by the “child’s life expectancy” to get that figure. Eg £200k x 50 years.

so in comparison if your friend has little tangible loss, there is no change the company she’s filed the claim against would agree to issuing millions in compensation.

PP's mentioned bipolar but I have that and the whole point is it's episodic; people don't stay in the same phase for as long as this woman. It does sound like she is a dreamer to say the least.

You can guarantee there will be a race to post the above answer on a thread like this - it's so boring. Why bother? The OP is concerned about her best friend since childhood. If you can't get that from her post just scroll on.

OP - I think you friend has created a scenario that enables her to escape her current life. We all have that little headspace fantasy life but your friend seems to be taking it a step further. Perhaps she is depressed, is there a way you could talk to her about it without her becoming defensive? How do her family feel about it?

I would be very worried about her as well, something doesn’t add up. Has she had proper legal advice? Or just thinking she will get millions? Is she selling her house because of existing debt?

I’m not sure how much you can do as a friend other than 1) telling her you think she’s heading towards a financial black hole and 2) be there for her when things come crashing down.

Because it's her best friend. You seem not to understand that people tend to care about their mates. We aren't all islands drifting around by ourselves.

This is a form of human relationships known as ‘friendship’ - humans that enter into it then care about each other which means they try to decide how to help in difficult situations. Sometimes they’re not sure how to help and seek advice from other humans, this may take the form of asking other friends (see ‘friendship’ above) or sometimes use of forums for anonymous feedback. If this is helpful, you may also be interested in learning about the human emotion of ‘empathy.’

My friend received £75,000 in compensation for a major NHS fuckup involving a brain bleed. He got it through within 18 months.

she's either lying or unwell or being conned herself or she's actually sued and thinks she's going to get millions.

My son was nearly killed during his birth by clear negligence and left with a lifelong disability. We sued. He was (eventually. Took years.) Awarded just under £300,000.
There's no way she's getting millions.

Ooof. 😁 Nicely put.

I think you need to gently challenge her.

The OP did not mention the NHS.

It sounds very suspicious. Not sure what you can do though. Would she show you any correspondence?

I know someone who sued the NHS due to gross negligence. Her child is severely disabled and needs 24 hour care. They got around £15m. It took over 10 years to sort out

She isn't suing the NHS - this was a private operation

People keep mentioning the NHS.

But the operation was private and not through the NHS.

Surely she wouldn't be suing the NHS for something she organised privately?

I wouldn't ask your friend. Don't feed into this.

I would just avoid the topic. I don't think NHS pay out millions to people.

I agree with PP that she may have come into a significant sum via a lottery win or similar and that this is how she’s explaining it. I guess if she gets her mansion you’ll know!

She must believe it if she’s putting her house up for sale.
As others have said is there a chance she’s won the lottery? Although surely she would of left her job if that was the case.
Does she have any family you could talk to?

I LOVE this answer! well said

Bloody hell. If I was seriously mentally ill I hope my friends would consider it their business!

The Lottery win- but don't you get the money very quickly? Covering up a very large inheritance possible, but why do it? She's saying she's due millions, she's not discreet about it in any way.

I agree with others that she sounds mentally unwell. I would have a frank discussion with her and base next moves on that. As a lifelong friend, do you know her family well?

I would be worried OP. As someone said upthread I wonder if she has stopped paying the mortgage to service the credit cards and this claim is her cover story.

A lottery win wouldnt take three years.