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Original poster

Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

401 replies

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:20

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

OP posts:
dancingqueen123 · 17/12/2022 21:57

name78change · 17/12/2022 21:08

It can be hard to pitch a situation if you need/want to talk finances, as can be seen on this thread; on £90k if you don't preface your awareness of your privilege you get told to read the room, but go in too hard on the recognition you get put in your place being told it's not that much.

Maybe stop worrying about the unhelpful replies? 🤷🏻‍♀️

timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:04

I have had a glass of wine admittedly, but why was that poster going on about the 'SEN brigade?' Was she in the wrong thread?

I saw a thread earlier today which was a bit weird, yes it was, so I didn't post. But people were working themselves into a froth because this woman had bought her daughter a Gucci bracelet. Ffs, you can buy them in Ernest Jones or from Amazon. People spend more on tat in Pandora, yet seemingly that's fine. The thread was funny.

There was once a thread and someone was told to STFU because she was complaining about fox poo in the garden and posters were up in arms and livid about the audacity of the thread, reminding her that many people don't have gardens.

Maybe there should be a ban on threads about DH's, in case some people don't have one.

The next thing is people not able to mention children at all, for fear of offending someone who does not have children.

Where will it end???

Original poster
Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:09

timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:04

I have had a glass of wine admittedly, but why was that poster going on about the 'SEN brigade?' Was she in the wrong thread?

I saw a thread earlier today which was a bit weird, yes it was, so I didn't post. But people were working themselves into a froth because this woman had bought her daughter a Gucci bracelet. Ffs, you can buy them in Ernest Jones or from Amazon. People spend more on tat in Pandora, yet seemingly that's fine. The thread was funny.

There was once a thread and someone was told to STFU because she was complaining about fox poo in the garden and posters were up in arms and livid about the audacity of the thread, reminding her that many people don't have gardens.

Maybe there should be a ban on threads about DH's, in case some people don't have one.

The next thing is people not able to mention children at all, for fear of offending someone who does not have children.

Where will it end???

Excatly, if it's in person I can understand some topics not being discussed, but on an forum it should be various topics?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:12

whumpthereitis · 17/12/2022 21:18

We all have our own frames of reference, and our own perceptions as to what ‘the pinch’ feels like.

I do agree, OP. I tend to think that if someone doesn’t like what they’re reading in terms of an OP’s wealth then there’s always the option of not engaging in their thread. There isn’t just the one room to read.

That's what my thoughts were, with it being online it's various topics for different subjects ect.

OP posts:
timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:16

Some people think they and they alone own MN and are judge an jury about who is allowed to post and what is acceptable to post about.

I think they forget it's the internet.

Original poster
Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:17

timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:16

Some people think they and they alone own MN and are judge an jury about who is allowed to post and what is acceptable to post about.

I think they forget it's the internet.

Tis a wonder at times

OP posts:
GarlicSauce · 17/12/2022 22:24

Wealth is relative. If to afford a very modest 2 bedroom flat in london you need 700k then no 90k will in no way feel rich. It's as easy as not engaging if it makes you feel bad. We all have different circumstances. More than half a million people earn over 100k in the U.K. never mind the expats who aren't resident here.

timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:26

It's a very particular herd mentality on here. I don't know if it's always been the case? If you state you earn more than £50k, people get aggro. SAHMs are not allowed on here. Independent schools - don't mention that!

The 'ideal' here is working 40 plus hours per week for less than £40k. Babies in full time childcare for 'socialisation.' Husband who earns similar or less. He will 'contribute proportionally' to bills, but otherwise finances are separate. But this is ok, because he hoovers the house. This sort of woman goes down a storm on here.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/12/2022 22:29

Yes OP its such a taboo that here you are starting a thread about it. 🙄

Just like all the other "forbidden" topics which appear umpteen times a week.

SD1978 · 17/12/2022 22:29

Context for me. If you're bragging about a high income, why bother. If you're complaining on a high income you can't afford the basics, you're either lying or really shit at budgeting. Stating you and your husband 'only' earn £90,000 and you're worried about winter is a pisstake really, because obviously you're living well beyond your means if that's the case. Discussing money full stop is pretty crass, but some people are genuinely in a very, very precarious place currently and trying to also be struggling on an above average wage will not get you much sympathy

Original poster
Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:34

C8H10N4O2 · 17/12/2022 22:29

Yes OP its such a taboo that here you are starting a thread about it. 🙄

Just like all the other "forbidden" topics which appear umpteen times a week.

the point was that when threads do get started on many occasions usually they get slaughtered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:35

SD1978 · 17/12/2022 22:29

Context for me. If you're bragging about a high income, why bother. If you're complaining on a high income you can't afford the basics, you're either lying or really shit at budgeting. Stating you and your husband 'only' earn £90,000 and you're worried about winter is a pisstake really, because obviously you're living well beyond your means if that's the case. Discussing money full stop is pretty crass, but some people are genuinely in a very, very precarious place currently and trying to also be struggling on an above average wage will not get you much sympathy

All intriguing perspectives

OP posts:
whumpthereitis · 17/12/2022 22:36

SD1978 · 17/12/2022 22:29

Context for me. If you're bragging about a high income, why bother. If you're complaining on a high income you can't afford the basics, you're either lying or really shit at budgeting. Stating you and your husband 'only' earn £90,000 and you're worried about winter is a pisstake really, because obviously you're living well beyond your means if that's the case. Discussing money full stop is pretty crass, but some people are genuinely in a very, very precarious place currently and trying to also be struggling on an above average wage will not get you much sympathy

Or they’re living as they normally do, but what was once fine has become more difficult because of the cost of living crisis 🤷🏻‍♀️

who says it’s sympathy that’s being sought? A lot of people post to vent, or to ask for advice from other people who are/have been in a similar position.

underneaththeash · 17/12/2022 22:51

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:56

It usually seems correct in my mind, but then when typed it's a different kettle of fish.

Show quote history

Eh?

C8H10N4O2 · 17/12/2022 22:52

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 22:34

the point was that when threads do get started on many occasions usually they get slaughtered.

Show quote history

You and I plainly have very different working definitions of "slaughtered"

Minimalme · 17/12/2022 22:58

I actually think there is an increasing equality on MN.

We all experience the same brutal criticism and outrage.

I can remember 10 years ago when the odd bit of uncalled for abuse had me reeling. now I hardly notice.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 17/12/2022 23:03

GarlicSauce · 17/12/2022 22:24

Wealth is relative. If to afford a very modest 2 bedroom flat in london you need 700k then no 90k will in no way feel rich. It's as easy as not engaging if it makes you feel bad. We all have different circumstances. More than half a million people earn over 100k in the U.K. never mind the expats who aren't resident here.

You might not be able to afford a 700k flat in London on 90k but you could afford a home almost anywhere else in the UK ranging from decent to luxurious dependent on location. Someone on min wage might struggle to afford any kind of home, anywhere.

People on 90k have choices that others can only dream of.

converseandjeans · 17/12/2022 23:09

@Hawkins001

I appreciate your perspectives, I did not focus much when learning English and hence my lacking writing abilities.

Yes but I did and earn just about enough to get by whereas you perhaps earn more. So I don't know that spelling is so important after all 🤷🏻‍♀️

whumpthereitis · 17/12/2022 23:16

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 17/12/2022 23:03

You might not be able to afford a 700k flat in London on 90k but you could afford a home almost anywhere else in the UK ranging from decent to luxurious dependent on location. Someone on min wage might struggle to afford any kind of home, anywhere.

People on 90k have choices that others can only dream of.

Show quote history

That doesn’t mean that someone on 90k isn’t going to experience problems relative to their own environment and normality, or that they shouldn’t be allowed to express that on a forum that is made up of people from a number of different walks of life.

no one is forced to engage if they don’t want to.

Phoenixrising2020 · 17/12/2022 23:21

I haven't read the full thread, but I am disabled and suffer from peripheral neuropathy. When I get cold I get stabbing pains allover my body and even when my body temperature rises, the pain continues for a couple of hours. My gas ran out on Monday, so I had to use my electric heater, which has eaten into my extra supply by £30. The gas meter continued incurring charges and because I had used the emergency supply too it has cost me £46 to bring the balance up to zero. I then had to add another £5 on top. My children have 2 presents each and I am wearing 4 layers 9f clothing with a hot water bottle zipped into my coat.

Discussing your excellent financial position (if real and not trolling) here feels a bit too Bullingdon Club for my tastes.

Sindonym · 17/12/2022 23:22

timefortinsel · 17/12/2022 22:26

It's a very particular herd mentality on here. I don't know if it's always been the case? If you state you earn more than £50k, people get aggro. SAHMs are not allowed on here. Independent schools - don't mention that!

The 'ideal' here is working 40 plus hours per week for less than £40k. Babies in full time childcare for 'socialisation.' Husband who earns similar or less. He will 'contribute proportionally' to bills, but otherwise finances are separate. But this is ok, because he hoovers the house. This sort of woman goes down a storm on here.

If you haven’t been reading the Eton/Harrow/Winchester threads you are missing out. I read in fascination. There’s definitely no taboo about talking about independent schools on the education boards.

Abcdefgh1234 · 17/12/2022 23:22

Hooverphobe · 17/12/2022 19:28

I think many of us are simply astounded that someone earns 90k but doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, and there and their. 🤷‍♀️

Well i earn double than that but english isn’t my first language. My grammar still all over the place. Many millionaire, even my boss who earns millions per annum not even speak english properly and very socially awkward.

Barbudura · 17/12/2022 23:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Annabel073 · 17/12/2022 23:31

Phoenixrising2020 · 17/12/2022 23:21

I haven't read the full thread, but I am disabled and suffer from peripheral neuropathy. When I get cold I get stabbing pains allover my body and even when my body temperature rises, the pain continues for a couple of hours. My gas ran out on Monday, so I had to use my electric heater, which has eaten into my extra supply by £30. The gas meter continued incurring charges and because I had used the emergency supply too it has cost me £46 to bring the balance up to zero. I then had to add another £5 on top. My children have 2 presents each and I am wearing 4 layers 9f clothing with a hot water bottle zipped into my coat.

Discussing your excellent financial position (if real and not trolling) here feels a bit too Bullingdon Club for my tastes.

Why? The OP has as much right to discuss their financial position as you do.

GarlicSauce · 17/12/2022 23:35

I've not seen anyone come on to brag or be smug - that's the perception of others. Simply because you aren't on the bones of your arse and have choices doesn't mean you don't want to talk about them. Often an anonymous forum is exactly the place to do it as you wouldn't talk about the specifics of money with friends. The lack of proper moderation has really lessened the value of Mumsnet. It's made it a narrower place where ever other post is full of abuse . It shuts down what could be interesting posts and discussions. If people had any sense they'd want more threads about money because financial ignorance is a part of the problem of social mobility. The poster who reckoned that you couldn't possibly make 90k and make a spelling mistake illustrated it perfectly.