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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to allow my DH to set up his own savings account linked to our joint account

149 replies

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:36

My DH has just told me that he plans to set up a savings account where he will get a large sum of money at the end of the 12-month term (due to high interest rate). The account is linked to our joint account which is how he can set it up.

I have a solo account with this bank and he banks elsewhere.

He thinks I’m being unreasonable by saying we should both benefit from the account by us both putting money into the account equally, as it is linked to our joint account. His reason is that I can set up my own savings account linked to my solo account with this bank.

My view is that we previously had a savings account linked to my solo account which we equally contributed to and benefited from at the end of the 12-month term. In the meantime, he had set up a similar savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to and benefited from. I wasn’t aware of this until later on and objected, as I’d had no say. This is the jarring issue with me.

For information, we both put equal amounts of money into our joint account every month and joint bills are paid from it. Our personal accounts are for our own use and are not discussed.

AIBU to think he should find his own savings account and not link his personal account to our joint account (where only he benefits).

Y - you should allow him to link his personal savings account to the joint account.

N - he should find his own separate savings account.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 17/12/2022 18:38

Why does it matter?

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:40

Because it feels as though he is looking out for himself. If I hadn’t just spoken to him about it, I’m not sure he so wild have told me.
I know it’s not the end of the world but it does bug me.

OP posts:
steff13 · 17/12/2022 18:40

I think I'm confused. He and his siblings took money for your joint account for their savings account? So essentially they stole from you?

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/12/2022 18:41

Why don’t you both have an individual savings account linked to your joint account, if necessary each for half the sum per month that your husband was intending to invest?

ladywithnomanors · 17/12/2022 18:42

Strange 🙄 Why does it matter?

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:42

steff13 · 17/12/2022 18:40

I think I'm confused. He and his siblings took money for your joint account for their savings account? So essentially they stole from you?

Sorry. It is confusing. He set up a savings account linked to our joint account. He and his siblings contributed to the savings account, which only he had access to. They all benefited from it. I wasn’t aware of this until after.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 17/12/2022 18:43

Presumably you don't have fully joint finances, as otherwise it really wouldn't matter.
So I really don't understand why it matters where he gets the savings account from - particularly if you can have your own one linked to your sole account.

Is not having fully joint finances the bigger issue?

Lockedinforwinter · 17/12/2022 18:43

I'm not sure the issue is this particular savings account. I think it is more that you view the two of you as a team financially, and he sees you as two separate entities.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 17/12/2022 18:43

If you aren't contributing to the savings account, why do you think you should "benefit" from it when you have your own savings account?

CantFindTheBeat · 17/12/2022 18:44

Are you saying that if you bank with XYZ bank, you are eligible for a high rate savings account?

A joint account has to be in both names, so does he need your permission to do it?

On a separate note: if you are married and/or in a long term, committed partnership, it is odd that either party would have significant savings that don't benefit the other.

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:44

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/12/2022 18:41

Why don’t you both have an individual savings account linked to your joint account, if necessary each for half the sum per month that your husband was intending to invest?

Because you can only have one savings account linked to the joint account, not two.

OP posts:
tiggergoesbounce · 17/12/2022 18:44

I'm also confused. Did he take money out of your joint account to share in a personal account with his family.
Or is he just linking an account to your joint account ?

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/12/2022 18:46

The joint savings account with his siblings linked to your joint account is really weird and totally unacceptable.

If he does end up setting up this account for just him then make sure he puts the extra money into the joint account each month, otherwise he’ll be saving with your money!

skippy67 · 17/12/2022 18:46

Is not having fully joint finances the bigger issue?
Lots of couples don't have fully joint finances. If I was the OP's DH, I'd set up my own savings account.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/12/2022 18:47

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:44

Because you can only have one savings account linked to the joint account, not two.

OK - in our one you can have one each. Then you should do a joint one.

Chasingsquirrels · 17/12/2022 18:48

skippy67 · 17/12/2022 18:46

Is not having fully joint finances the bigger issue?
Lots of couples don't have fully joint finances. If I was the OP's DH, I'd set up my own savings account.

Indeed, and that's fine.
But the OP has an issue here and I'm struggling to understand why - hence wondering if there is a bigger issue.

Treacletoots · 17/12/2022 18:48

I get you OP and I agree, I think he's being a selfish dick and taking advantage of you.

The savings account linked to your joint account should be one shared by both of you NOT to the sole benefit of him at the exclusion of you.

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:50

tiggergoesbounce · 17/12/2022 18:44

I'm also confused. Did he take money out of your joint account to share in a personal account with his family.
Or is he just linking an account to your joint account ?

Linking the account to our joint account.

I didn’t benefit from (or contribute to) it because I wasn’t aware of the fact we had the account linked to our joint account. He used that account for him and his siblings.

Our joint savings account was linked to my solo account with the same bank.

you are allowed one linked savings account per bank account. So he had a savings account for him (and his siblings) linked to our joint account and we had a joint savings account linked to my solo account.

OP posts:
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:52

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/12/2022 18:46

The joint savings account with his siblings linked to your joint account is really weird and totally unacceptable.

If he does end up setting up this account for just him then make sure he puts the extra money into the joint account each month, otherwise he’ll be saving with your money!

The money he puts in will be his own money. Not mine.

My issue is we should both contribute therefore both benefit, as it’s linked to our JOINT account.

OP posts:
Allthingsbrightandugly · 17/12/2022 18:52

I don’t think this is about the savings account is it?

I’ll await the drip feed because this sound nuts and I can’t see two people in a happy committed relationship having this issue

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:52

Treacletoots · 17/12/2022 18:48

I get you OP and I agree, I think he's being a selfish dick and taking advantage of you.

The savings account linked to your joint account should be one shared by both of you NOT to the sole benefit of him at the exclusion of you.

Thank you. This is what I’m getting at.

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 17/12/2022 18:53

You still haven't explained why it matters. Does it get a higher interest rate than would otherwise be available, or give a bonus or something?

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:54

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 17/12/2022 18:43

If you aren't contributing to the savings account, why do you think you should "benefit" from it when you have your own savings account?

I’m saying I should benefit and be allowed to contribute equally so I do benefit. Especially given that it’s linked to our joint account.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 17/12/2022 18:55

Treacletoots · 17/12/2022 18:48

I get you OP and I agree, I think he's being a selfish dick and taking advantage of you.

The savings account linked to your joint account should be one shared by both of you NOT to the sole benefit of him at the exclusion of you.

Oh, I was struggling to understand the scenario but I get it now - yes he’s being a total dick in that case! How dare he tell you that’s what’s happening. Tell him he can bloody change banks if he wants to do that!

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 18:55

YABU as you also have the option for the same type of account just using your personal account to open it.

Not sure how you even got to the conclusion you were being reasonable here

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