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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to allow my DH to set up his own savings account linked to our joint account

149 replies

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 18:36

My DH has just told me that he plans to set up a savings account where he will get a large sum of money at the end of the 12-month term (due to high interest rate). The account is linked to our joint account which is how he can set it up.

I have a solo account with this bank and he banks elsewhere.

He thinks I’m being unreasonable by saying we should both benefit from the account by us both putting money into the account equally, as it is linked to our joint account. His reason is that I can set up my own savings account linked to my solo account with this bank.

My view is that we previously had a savings account linked to my solo account which we equally contributed to and benefited from at the end of the 12-month term. In the meantime, he had set up a similar savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to and benefited from. I wasn’t aware of this until later on and objected, as I’d had no say. This is the jarring issue with me.

For information, we both put equal amounts of money into our joint account every month and joint bills are paid from it. Our personal accounts are for our own use and are not discussed.

AIBU to think he should find his own savings account and not link his personal account to our joint account (where only he benefits).

Y - you should allow him to link his personal savings account to the joint account.

N - he should find his own separate savings account.

OP posts:
DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:15

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:13

They previously had an account linked to the OPs personal account.

That they both contributed towards.

If the Op was expected to contribute to the joint savings account I’d agree with you, but she isn’t

Show quote history

Yes, but he unilaterally decided to deprive her of the opportunity to benefit from the good interest rate by taking it and sharing it with his siblings.

OP owns 1.5/2 of the accounts and has benefited from 0.5/2 of the attached high interest accounts, he owns 0.5/2 of the accounts and has benefited from 1.5/2. He did this without her consent.

It's borderline theft and it's certainly a weird way to treat someone whose future is supposed to be intwined with yours.

KrisAkabusi · 17/12/2022 19:16

Sparkletastic · 17/12/2022 19:07

He sounds like he feels very entitled to solely benefit from your joint finances. And that sounds very wrong.

He might be benefiting, but the OP isn't losing out in any way. And she can open an account and benefit as well. So why does it matter? It's not costing her a penny, and if she opens a savings account she gets the exact same benefits. It just seems like she doesn't want her husband to do anything for his benefit, and that's just wrong.

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:16

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:15

Yes, but he unilaterally decided to deprive her of the opportunity to benefit from the good interest rate by taking it and sharing it with his siblings.

OP owns 1.5/2 of the accounts and has benefited from 0.5/2 of the attached high interest accounts, he owns 0.5/2 of the accounts and has benefited from 1.5/2. He did this without her consent.

It's borderline theft and it's certainly a weird way to treat someone whose future is supposed to be intwined with yours.

Show quote history

He hasn’t deprived her of anything, she can open one of her own, she has that option.

And to even try to compare it to theft shows the level of intellect you’re playing with

KrisAkabusi · 17/12/2022 19:17

It's borderline theft and it's certainly a weird way to treat someone whose future is supposed to be intwined with yours.

It's not theft because the OP hasn't been deprived of anything!

Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:17

I suppose the back story is really about my DH putting his family first and not me. I’m many ways.

It might seem uptight and it probably is, but the issue is that I feel he is looking out for himself and not me. It really isn’t about the paltry sum of money at the end of the year.

This is a difficult time of year for a lot of people and this has reminded me that - I’m some ways - I’m on my own and looking out for myself. It’s not the case really, but I do think Christmas heightens these feelings.

OP posts:
DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:20

KrisAkabusi · 17/12/2022 19:17

It's borderline theft and it's certainly a weird way to treat someone whose future is supposed to be intwined with yours.

It's not theft because the OP hasn't been deprived of anything!

She's been deprived of the opportunity to benefit from the profit from the high interest rate that is rightfully hers as she has the right to that account, and she wasn't consulted on it.

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:21

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:17

I suppose the back story is really about my DH putting his family first and not me. I’m many ways.

It might seem uptight and it probably is, but the issue is that I feel he is looking out for himself and not me. It really isn’t about the paltry sum of money at the end of the year.

This is a difficult time of year for a lot of people and this has reminded me that - I’m some ways - I’m on my own and looking out for myself. It’s not the case really, but I do think Christmas heightens these feelings.

I get it. This example is enough to paint a picture.

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:21

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:16

He hasn’t deprived her of anything, she can open one of her own, she has that option.

And to even try to compare it to theft shows the level of intellect you’re playing with

Show quote history

The issue here is that you don't understand the situation and Dunning Kruger is in full effect.

IhearyouClemFandango · 17/12/2022 19:23

Surely it is all academic which current account it is linked to? You have your own savings accounts wherever they are kept.

Flamingogirl08 · 17/12/2022 19:23

What? 🤣

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:23

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:21

The issue here is that you don't understand the situation and Dunning Kruger is in full effect.

Show quote history

Again, what haven’t I understood?

The OP can open a high interest account linked to her main account.

Her DH only has the option to open the high interest account if it’s linked to the joint account.

You comparing it to theft is absolute idiocy, he hasn’t deprived her of anything, she isn’t contributing to the savings account so doesn’t benefit, big whoop

ScroogeMcDuckling · 17/12/2022 19:25

Have I read this right?

you both contributing the same amount from your personal account to the joint account for the house and bills

you both have your own personal accounts to do with as your choose

Connected to the joint bank account is a good paying interest 12 monthly saver (direct line is over 7%), which you could access to with your personal account, but his personal account doesn’t have access to this special account

He wants to save for the next year a few hundred a month and keep all the proceeds and spend how he chooses cos he thinks you can do this with your personal account if you choose to

AreOttersJustWetCats · 17/12/2022 19:25

So you can open your own savings account with your own solo account? Just do that (or shop around for an even better interest rate that may be available elsewhere). He hasn't deprived you of anything. If this is one of those low value 12mth Regular Saver accounts, you're arguing over about £75 of interest - madness!

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:28

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:23

Again, what haven’t I understood?

The OP can open a high interest account linked to her main account.

Her DH only has the option to open the high interest account if it’s linked to the joint account.

You comparing it to theft is absolute idiocy, he hasn’t deprived her of anything, she isn’t contributing to the savings account so doesn’t benefit, big whoop

Show quote history

"My view is that we previously had a savings account linked to my solo account which we equally contributed to and benefited from at the end of the 12-month term. In the meantime, he had set up a similar savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to and benefited from. I wasn’t aware of this until later on and objected, as I’d had no say. This is the jarring issue with me."

This is the crucial part of the OP. Previously, he's gone behind her bank and set up an account only he benefits from. So there was a collective one and his one, despite the accounts being shared and hers. He now wants another one only he benefits from. She's saying no more, any future benefit from these accounts needs to be shared with me.

If he hasn't gone behind her back and made an account only HE (and siblings) benefited from, so that the situation was 1.5/2 benefit to him, she might well feel differently about this new proposal.

Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:31

The savings account we linked to my account was used to benefit our nuclear family.

The savings account we linked to our joint account benefited him and his family.

Anyway, as I’ve said it’s not important. It is a small sum of money. It’s the reasons behind it that irritate me.

Thanks for those who have understood where I was coming from.
As always, with AIBU, not everyone will agree with the op’s view.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:33

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:21

I get it. This example is enough to paint a picture.

Show quote history

Thank you @DucklingDaisy

OP posts:
VioletLemon · 17/12/2022 19:37

I wouldn't be happy at an account of mine having an additional account linked to it that benefits other people and not know about it. I think that's quite deceitful of him.

SpacePotato · 17/12/2022 19:38

He'll already have his own savings account attached to his own account and has wanted this one separate for whatever reason

Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:39

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:28

"My view is that we previously had a savings account linked to my solo account which we equally contributed to and benefited from at the end of the 12-month term. In the meantime, he had set up a similar savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to and benefited from. I wasn’t aware of this until later on and objected, as I’d had no say. This is the jarring issue with me."

This is the crucial part of the OP. Previously, he's gone behind her bank and set up an account only he benefits from. So there was a collective one and his one, despite the accounts being shared and hers. He now wants another one only he benefits from. She's saying no more, any future benefit from these accounts needs to be shared with me.

If he hasn't gone behind her back and made an account only HE (and siblings) benefited from, so that the situation was 1.5/2 benefit to him, she might well feel differently about this new proposal.

Show quote history

It’s exactly this.
I would have had no objections if he hadn’t done what he’d done previously without consulting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 19:41

SpacePotato · 17/12/2022 19:38

He'll already have his own savings account attached to his own account and has wanted this one separate for whatever reason

For all I know he may well have his own savings account linked to his personal account- I have absolutely no issue with this.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 17/12/2022 20:01

I am struggling to understand the post, but I am baffled as to why it would matter. If my husband benefits from anything, such as a payrise or bonus, I naturally benefit by default and vice versa. All our savings are in an account in my name, for no other reason than not getting around to sorting something else. It is still our savings. I just don’t know why some people bother getting married at all.

SpottyBalloons · 17/12/2022 20:15

DucklingDaisy · 17/12/2022 19:20

She's been deprived of the opportunity to benefit from the profit from the high interest rate that is rightfully hers as she has the right to that account, and she wasn't consulted on it.

Show quote history

@DucklingDaisy I'd understand this comment if the OP didn't have the opportunity to open exactly the same savings account herself, but she does. Unless there are monthly limits for each savings account and she intends to exceed the limit on her own savings account (which would be a huge drip feed) then I don't see how she misses out on anything? She'll earn the same amount of interest in a savings account linked to her solo account as she would in a savings account linked to their joint account.

Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 20:20

Aprilx · 17/12/2022 20:01

I am struggling to understand the post, but I am baffled as to why it would matter. If my husband benefits from anything, such as a payrise or bonus, I naturally benefit by default and vice versa. All our savings are in an account in my name, for no other reason than not getting around to sorting something else. It is still our savings. I just don’t know why some people bother getting married at all.

Because when he initially opened a savings account linked to our joint account originally, it benefited both him and his siblings. Not me.

I did say, in my opening post, that this was the hating issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 20:21

BlueberryBelle · 17/12/2022 20:20

Because when he initially opened a savings account linked to our joint account originally, it benefited both him and his siblings. Not me.

I did say, in my opening post, that this was the hating issue.

Show quote history

*the jarring issue.

OP posts:
Letthesunshineonin · 17/12/2022 20:22

I get it OP. He is using your joint accounts high interest rate to benefit him and his family without consulting you and asking if you would rather be included instead of his family. It’s very strange.