to refuse to allow my DH to set up his own savings account linked to our joint account

[BlueberryBelle]

My DH has just told me that he plans to set up a savings account where he will get a large sum of money at the end of the 12-month term (due to high interest rate). The account is linked to our joint account which is how he can set it up.

I have a solo account with this bank and he banks elsewhere.

He thinks I’m being unreasonable by saying we should both benefit from the account by us both putting money into the account equally, as it is linked to our joint account. His reason is that I can set up my own savings account linked to my solo account with this bank.

My view is that we previously had a savings account linked to my solo account which we equally contributed to and benefited from at the end of the 12-month term. In the meantime, he had set up a similar savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to and benefited from. I wasn’t aware of this until later on and objected, as I’d had no say. This is the jarring issue with me.

For information, we both put equal amounts of money into our joint account every month and joint bills are paid from it. Our personal accounts are for our own use and are not discussed.

AIBU to think he should find his own savings account and not link his personal account to our joint account (where only he benefits).

Y - you should allow him to link his personal savings account to the joint account.

N - he should find his own separate savings account.

Btwop there are good investment board's here under money where others can assist and walk you through the process.

It's also an idea to get junior ISA for the DC set up

Can you quote the exact words that make you think he intended to get a penny that should have gone to her? Then I'll explain my alternative understanding.

You may well be right, the OP's words are extremely vague, and despite countless posters interpreting it exactly the way I have, when she replies she only repeats what she said originally, rather than introducing new words and ideas in an attempt to explain that which is making no sense to us. (As an example "benefit" is not a word that I take to mean an amount of money, in this context. Because if she meant he was getting interest on her money, she would use the word interest, or money. The vague word "benefit" in this context I take to mean he is using a tool (account) of hers (theirs) to make something for himself, using his own wood (money.) If this were an actual physical tool, then she might be reasonable, as the tool could be broken, or not returned. But a bank account doesn't wear out, so I don't understand why she is upset. And in the analogy, she two identical such tools, so the fact that someone else is using one of them doesn't stop her from doing anything, because she can use the one they aren't using.)

There is nothing stopping the OP from opening her own savings account linked to her personal current account. Whether she wants to is neither here nor there - the point is that she can.

You are completely missing the point. It's about fairness and parternership.

The difference between any other possession and a bank account is that the bank account will not be harmed in any way by other people using it.

The other thing wrong with your analogy is the pharse "the family car". There would have to be two identical cars, acquired at zero cost, and which were of zero intrinsic value, in the sense that they could not be sold or rented out, with her having full use of one, for it to be similar.

She had a car before that he was able to use when it suited him. They both used that car, even though it was actually just hers. Now there is a car that is jointly owned by them both, but he won't let her use it and is telling her to go get a car for herself. How can you not see that is selfish? He should go get his own car if he wants to keep it to himself.

You've got a joint account for joint expenses and then both get to keep whatever is left of your own money, to spend as you like.

So what if he decides to save with his siblings, or for himself? I don't think I'd be happy if dp objected to me saving for a holiday with my sister or saving up for something special for myself.

But then you do say that you don't mind him saving, just not linking it to the joint account. But presumably that is the only way he can open this savings account with this bank?

Whereas, if you want to save, you could open a savings account and link it to your solo account.

So, honestly, I don't see the problem and think I can understand why he might be cagey when YABsoU.

Now there is a car that is jointly owned by them both, but he won't let her use it and is telling her to go get a car for herself. How can you not see that is selfish?

But the process of "getting a car" consists of 30 seconds filling in an on-line form, to get one for free. How is having to do that a problem?

It's the principal of it. It's a reflection of his attitude towards her. He doesn't even discuss it with her. He just does what he wants to benefit only him. That's the whole point.

Sorry if anyone has said this but surely the logical solution would be for the joint current account to link to the JOINT savings account. OP's sole current account can link to her personal savings account. Then if H wants to have sole benefit of a savings account with that bank, he opens a sole current account with that back and a sole savings account which is linked. He and his siblings can do what they want with it. The point is that in this scenario the OP isn't locked out of savings account benefits that link to a joint current account.

OP, why hasn't he opened his own accounts with the bank already? Is it something like to get the good interest rate the current account has to have £x amount in it? And he won't be able to maintain that in a sole account stop he's wanting to snaffle the advantage of BOTH your money going into the joint account? Because if so he's being even more selfish excluding you but "taking" your benefit.

I did open a savings account linked to my account. We both contributed to it.

He opened up a savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to. I only found out later. It’s closed now.

He now wants to open up an account linked to our joint account for his exclusive use only.

I have no objection to him saving with his siblings.

Thank you @BadNomad You do get it.

It's the principal of it.

So we're agree that the only disadvantage is emotional. Actually I can sympathise with that. Really, as the most recent poster said, the best solution is for the DH to open his own personal account, then he can have a linked savings account that is nothing to do with OP.

This thread is barking.

There are a number of posters (myself included) who simply can't comprehend why this is an issue, the OP is not being deprived of anything.

And there is the OP, and others, who can't comprehend why the above posters don't understand.

He just does what he wants to benefit only him.

It's perfectly normal for people to do things that only benefit them, if they believe it deprives no-one else of anything. When I eat, I don't ask before every single bite I take if everyone else would like some of it, when I can see that they have their own plate of food in front of them. (Or there food needs are otherwise being met.)

their food needs

I'm going to hide the thread now, because it doesn't look like new facts are going to emerge that are going to cause it to ever make sense to me, and I've spent far too much time on it already!

Even if the above isn't the case, I've been thinking through the logic and why this is unfair.

At present OP has set up a sole account with a linked joint savings account, so the WHOLE FAMILY gets the benefit of the interest in the joint savings. OP can't now have a sole linked savings account with the high interest rates if H jumps in and links his sole savings account to the joint account.

So:

1. O P bears the burden of running two current accounts with Bank A, one single one joint.
2. H bears the burden of one joint current account with Bank A and (presumably) a single account with Bank B.
3. OP runs a joint savings account with Bank A, linked to her sole account. So she only receives part of the interest benefit, say 50% or less if there are more family members. H gets the other 50% benefit.
4. H runs a sole savings account with Bank A which he can only do because it's a joint account half supported by OP. He gets 100% interest benefit. OP gets 0% interest benefit.
5. It is no longer possible for OP to open a sole savings account with Bank A.
6. OP receives no benefit from H Bank B arrangements.

In mathematical terms OP bears two burdens with Bank A but gets only 0.5 benefits. H bears 0.5 burdens with Bank A but gets 1.5 benefits.

All the one-potters in the thread arguing it doesn't matter would only be right if finances are wholly shared but that is clearly not what has been agreed.I
We have a similar arrangement. Joint current and savings for family stuff, personal finances then separate. I 'd be furious if H helped himself to an intended joint benefit without discussion.

I just think any couple getting this hung up over a bit of a better interest rate must have far bigger problems

He opened up a savings account linked to our joint account which he and his siblings contributed to. I only found out later. It’s closed now.

Act quickly and link the joint savings account to the joint current account. He then won't be able to do what he's proposing and you'll be free to open a sole savings account linked to your sole current account.

Why not?

when I can see that they have their own plate of food in front of them

But that's the difference. You check first to see that the other person isn't sitting with an empty plate before you got food just for yourself.

In your scenario, the DH has come in, ignored his wife, made himself food, then when she's asked "what about me?" he's told her she can go make her own food. Despite her having made them both meals in the past. Sure, she's not starved of food, and can get her own, but the point is how unkind, thoughtless and selfish he is. Or are you going to disagree?

At present OP has set up a sole account with a linked joint savings account, so the WHOLE FAMILY gets the benefit of the interest in the joint savings. OP can't now have a sole linked savings account with the high interest rates if H jumps in and links his sole savings account to the joint account.

Well only if the OP chooses to use the money saved AND the interest on the whole family - in which case the interest is just a small part of the actual total that is being shared.

but one assumes the OP can use the savings to buy herself a car or whatever she wants if she wishes - as its not a joint savings account in the sense of who "owns" that money (ignoring the legalities of joint accounts)

The question should be do you want to use the linked savings account as a couple, both adding to it equally.
If not does it matter if DH uses it 🤷‍♀️

This. There’s a lot of “he must be at fault so I’ll find a way to make that be the case” going on