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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

359 replies

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

OP posts:
MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:04

Can he cook once a week for all of you?

At 15, that doesn't seem unreasonable

Are you plating up for him? I wouldn't (I don't generally, we all serve ourselves), I would let him serve himself and point him towards the bread bin if he doesn't like it

SirenSays · 16/12/2022 19:04

Admittedly I haven't asked him what specific dinners he'd like

Wow imo this should have been asked day 1 if you're going to call yourself a good host.

Weefreetiffany · 16/12/2022 19:04

@KettrickenSmiled hes not helpless, he’s practically and adult. He’s there to learn to communicate and doesn’t seem to be making any effort. We can excuse that or not. I think you’re over reaching to say there’s nefarious intent from the OP, would someone who doesn’t care go and ask for advice and experience on an online forum? The point of an exchange (I’ve done one in Spain and one in Morocco) is to learn about the country you’re in from inside a family home. They shouldn’t be adapting for him or how will he learn? Maybe he will learn that other people are pushovers who will treat him like a Prince if he makes them uncomfortable enough? She sounds like a lovely host.

Canthave2manycats · 16/12/2022 19:06

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 18:32

His English is absolutely atrocious by the way

Fucksake. No wonder the lad's miserable, nobody will give him food he can eat, & his hosts haven't bothered to keep their end of the bargain by improving his english through conversation.

If his English is so bad, then some of that is down to your failure to communicate with him, instead of winging him off to his bedroom with the TV you are so smug at providing him with, eating Pringles. Why do you think there's so many Pringles tubes? He's probably starving!

I feel so sorry for this poor child. If he was mine, I'd be bringing him home! He's been away for a long time from his family and everything he's familiar with, he has a host who doesn't like him, and won't make any compromises with her own children, who sound like extras from Little House on the Prairie!!

The irony though - complaining that the boy is rude because he doesn't thank you for the food he doesn't like and can't eat, yet you're so rude you haven't even asked him what he would like to eat!!

MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:07

I went on an exchange trip to Spain as a vegetarian. The food my hosts cooked was horrible and very very bland. I ate it, said thank you and learned something about another culture. I think 15 year olds are totally capable of being polite

Bunchymcbunchface · 16/12/2022 19:12

Absolutely no idea what that means, but good for you.

MumtherofCats · 16/12/2022 19:14

As an immigrant in the UK I'm not sure what is making me more sad, the situation this poor kid is in or some of these responses! It wouldn't hurt OP and he children to also try to understand this boy's culture too. Surely that's what you also sign up for when you agree to host. It's not just about him learning about the UK 🙄

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 19:15

Weefreetiffany · 16/12/2022 19:04

@KettrickenSmiled hes not helpless, he’s practically and adult. He’s there to learn to communicate and doesn’t seem to be making any effort. We can excuse that or not. I think you’re over reaching to say there’s nefarious intent from the OP, would someone who doesn’t care go and ask for advice and experience on an online forum? The point of an exchange (I’ve done one in Spain and one in Morocco) is to learn about the country you’re in from inside a family home. They shouldn’t be adapting for him or how will he learn? Maybe he will learn that other people are pushovers who will treat him like a Prince if he makes them uncomfortable enough? She sounds like a lovely host.

She wasn't posting for advice, she was posting to vent.

  • it's actually making me dislike him
  • burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.
  • Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.
  • He's giving me the rage!

The point of an exchange (I’ve done one in Spain and one in Morocco) is to learn about the country you’re in from inside a family home.
Yes, & to improve your language skills.
But OP's blaming him for her inability to communicate with him, too.

They shouldn’t be adapting for him or how will he learn?
He feels unable to eat her food. SHE needs to adapt - she's the bloody host. And adult. People don't learn to like food they hate by having it served to them for 3 months while their host watches them not eat it, then bin it. She needs to find a way to communicate with him - instead, she's resorting to dislike & blame-laying. She shouldn't have signed up to be a host, she's not cut out for it.

She sounds like a lovely host.
😂😂😂
Sure. See bullet points above. There's no way he hasn't picked up on all of that.

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 19:18

MumtherofCats · 16/12/2022 19:14

As an immigrant in the UK I'm not sure what is making me more sad, the situation this poor kid is in or some of these responses! It wouldn't hurt OP and he children to also try to understand this boy's culture too. Surely that's what you also sign up for when you agree to host. It's not just about him learning about the UK 🙄

The famous British hospitality @MumtherofCats - like it or lump it, plus - YOU must adjust to US, because Brit culture is so superior to yours. YOU must speak english, but WE won't bother speaking anything else ...

Weefreetiffany · 16/12/2022 19:20

I mean, super invested over a story you’ve heard second hand 🤷‍♀️From a frustrated story teller. She’s not a criminal

infantilising teenagers to the extent a lot of people are doing on here is doing them no favours at all.

RedPanda901 · 16/12/2022 19:25

I think @KettrickenSmiled is offering to host him if you get fed up OP.

Anactor · 16/12/2022 19:27

MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:07

I went on an exchange trip to Spain as a vegetarian. The food my hosts cooked was horrible and very very bland. I ate it, said thank you and learned something about another culture. I think 15 year olds are totally capable of being polite

If you are used to spicy food, you can eat ‘bland’ food. But it doesn’t work the other way round.

aintnothinbutagstring · 16/12/2022 19:27

I'm a bit of a softie so I couldnt bear a kid going hungry. I guess when it comes to homecooked food and children - they naturally prefer the way their mum/dad/granny does it and especially as most of the dishes you mention will be quite alien to him but prepackaged pizzas and burgers are more universally recognised. Is there a Spanish restaurant near you? Maybe you could order in some Spanish food as a treat and it would give your own dc a chance to learn more about Spanish culture too.

MadKittenWoman · 16/12/2022 19:32

We used to have English language students many years ago. We were always full (we could take up to 3 in the main house and 2 in our basement flat) because, even though we are a vegetarian household, we cook international food. We only ever had to ask for one student to be removed. She was Turkish, and aware in advance that we were vegetarian. My husband, who does all the cooking in our house, used to be a chef and spent many summers travelling through Turkey. He spent the entire afternoon preparing a Turkish feast for her arrival. She sat like a bulldog chewing a wasp, glared at me because I was drinking wine and wearing normal western clothes (she wore exactly the same clothes for 3 days) and announced, after three days, that she could “not eat this vegetarian food.” My DH is very laid back, but even he was upset by her attitude. We got the school to remove her. No offence intended against Turkish people in particular or Muslims in general. She was just rude.

MrsThimbles · 16/12/2022 19:34

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:49

@thelobsterquadrille having a tv in your room on a foreign exchange probably isn't normal hosting though is it?

As someone who’s children did home stay with British families when first in the UK I’d say it was a basic requirement along with an en-suite bathroom

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 19:35

RedPanda901 · 16/12/2022 19:25

I think @KettrickenSmiled is offering to host him if you get fed up OP.

Love to. Don't think OP wants to lose her host fees though.

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 19:38

MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:07

I went on an exchange trip to Spain as a vegetarian. The food my hosts cooked was horrible and very very bland. I ate it, said thank you and learned something about another culture. I think 15 year olds are totally capable of being polite

To someone used to spice, bland food is just a bit dull.
But if you're not used to spice (or can't tolerate it), it can be physically painful.

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2022 19:43

Anactor · 16/12/2022 19:27

If you are used to spicy food, you can eat ‘bland’ food. But it doesn’t work the other way round.

Show quote history

Someone saying food was bland doesn’t automatically mean that it wasn’t spicy.

MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:45

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 19:38

To someone used to spice, bland food is just a bit dull.
But if you're not used to spice (or can't tolerate it), it can be physically painful.

Show quote history

It's not just spicy food he isn't eating - no pork chops etc

JustAnotherMoan · 16/12/2022 19:46

Spanish "cheese balls" are likely to be Croquetas. Basically make a very thick cheese sauce, cool for a few hours or overnight, shape into balls, egg + breadcrumb, then deep fry for a couple of minutes. They are very good. Often have chopped up jamon in the mix

seventyp · 16/12/2022 19:50

I have hosed students for 25 years and it is not unusual for them to refuse family dinners. I don't change what I cook because in my experience, if you try to make something they are familiar with they still don't like it unless it is cooked to an exact specification (like their mum makes it). Even with rice I have one student saying it is meant to be sticky while another is wanting every grain to separate - as I have students from different countries at the same time they will all have different ways and if you start pandering it will never end. If they are hungry they will eat it, if they are rich they will go out to eat.

Getting to know the hundreds of students I have hosted also tells me that if I went to stay with any of their families I would be eating their 'correctly cooked' food and and to question any aspect or not to eat it would be a huge insult.

seventyp · 16/12/2022 19:53

MrsThimbles · 16/12/2022 19:34

As someone who’s children did home stay with British families when first in the UK I’d say it was a basic requirement along with an en-suite bathroom

Show quote history

Tv's are not required normally - for the last decade at least they watch stuff on their laptop.

LivelyBlake · 16/12/2022 19:56

One compromise that could work: let him plate up his food or help himself from a serving dish, so that you minimise the food waste, and put a cold meat (ham, saucisson, salami) and cheese platter in the middle of the table with some bread. He will eat lots of these foods.

C1N1C · 16/12/2022 20:07

I love the attitude of many here. "Make him what he wants"... NO!
You're on a foreign country l, you eat foreign food. If this was China, an exchange student wouldn't be getting pizza every night! Courtesy would be to try everything, eat what you can stomach, and then relay to your host what might not be to your taste.

Good thing he didn't say he liked lobster and caviar...

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 20:22

MusicstillonMTV · 16/12/2022 19:45

It's not just spicy food he isn't eating - no pork chops etc

Show quote history

I imagine it wasn't just a plain pork chop though. What sauce/spices/herbs did OP use?