AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

[WontEatMyFood]

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

Imagine if one of us went to Spain and complained about 'that foreign muck there serve there'. MN would come down on you like a ton of bricks and yet this is precisely what this child is doing.
The whole point of this child being here is to learn about life in another country, including their food.

Send him back to the school OP. You're miserable, he's miserable. It's not working.

Did this not occur to you before you agreed to host him?
Do you speak any Spanish?

I bet he'd find ways to communicate with you if you tried harder, & made the hot topic his food preferences.

Also, you are picking him up on his Spanish if you think that 'que' is the English equivalent of 'what.'
He is trying to communicate with you but you don't understand him.

Phew I’m not sure I could cope with that incessant chatter!

Presumably you haven't invited a spanish teen to come & live with you as a host family though @Diverging - he's meant to be there to improve his english, which he can only do through ... chatter.

@Candlemas I didn't 'pick' him up, it was explained to him that we say 'yeah' here. i was making the point that I know spanish people have different cultural norms to us and I wanted him make him aware of that

Isn't that just basic hosting?

You sound awful OP. He’s a 15 year old, away from home and doesn’t speak our language well. Imagine that.

You’ve been given a list of foods he likes and almost completely ignored it. And you’re judgemental about what his preferences are. The language you use to describe things about him is horrible. You sound so patronising. Yet he’s the rude one! I don’t think so.

I really don’t think hosting a child from another country is for you. I feel really sorry for him and if I knew my child was placed with you by the school, I’d be really annoyed. Try being a bit kinder to him, he’s a child ffs.

@thelobsterquadrille having a tv in your room on a foreign exchange probably isn't normal hosting though is it?

The fact that he does not say thank you is due to the fact that it is not said as much in Spain. I used to work with someone who was half English half Spanish. When she visited relatives they would comment on her becoming anglicised because she said thank you etc far too much. I would ask what sort of things he likes so u can accommodate some of his tastes. U can all eat the same on that occasion too.

Why don't you just up the frequency of that to once a week while he's with you? Simple and nutritious and it would show him you're trying to include what he likes more and that you do actually mind if he enjoys the food and eats well.

Can you not compromise and cook something he likes for once and all eat that. I'm sure he hasn't come to your house with the intention of being awkward he obviously just has grown up with different cuisine to you. Don't take it personal

@WontEatMyFood can he cook at all for himself? My diet and my friends' around that age was pretty similar(mine still kinda is,tbh). But we were all pretty independent and happy to sort ourselves out and feed each other . I'd get him the stuff he eats but he's responsible of cooking it himself.

You sound like a great host and a good ,varied cook. However, a lit of ingredients don't taste the same in England like they do in other countries (even basic silly things like thyme,which then they can change the whole taste of a dish) and fussy people are fussy people.

Don't worry about him wasting away and don't take his refusal of your food personally. Try and find some kind of middle ground.

Yeah I think so @JassyRadlett I'll make sure we have penne ragu at least once a week, we already have pizza once a week and I'll ask him again what he likes, hopefully he'll give me more info than the cheese ball things.

He sounds really irritating! Just leave him to it. If you've tried to serve nutritious meals and he's not even trying it then let him stuff himself on Pringles and whatever other junk he gets when he's out.

I find Spanish food bland - my parents are moving there and I dread having to eat the boring beans/bread/ham/cheese combo for days on end. I far prefer food in Italy, France and Germany and I think your cooking sounds great OP. If I was in Spain for a prolonged period I would hunt down a bottle of hot sauce!

If someone cooked and made an effort for me I would want that to be worthwhile all round so would work with them to find stuff we all liked. I would want to get involved with cooking myself! BUT I’m a middle aged woman. Teenage boys are not as communicative or socially able.

If my son at 15 was in Spain and had a problem with the food, I’d encourage him to get involved, to cook some of our home food for the family. I don’t think it’s acceptable actually to get up and chuck away food. Lamb chops! My mother/grandmother would have gone spare if I’d put lamb chops in the bin, and I would if my kids did, they’re extremely expensive and an animal has been farmed and killed for us to have amazing food so we should appreciate it.

We have TVs in our spare bedrooms, pretty normal I’d say. As is cooking something they’ll eat.

I find Spanish food bland - my parents are moving there and I dread having to eat the boring beans/bread/ham/cheese combo for days on end. I far prefer food in Italy, France and Germany and it hink your cooking sounds great OP.

If I was in Spain for a prolonged period I would hunt down a bottle of hot sauce! If someone cooked and made an effort for me I would want that to be worthwhile so would work with them to find stuff we all liked. I would want to get involved with cooking myself!

BUT I’m a middle aged woman. Teenage boys are not as communicative or pliable.

If my son at 15 was in Spain and had a problem with the food I’d encourage him to get involved, to cook some of our home food for the family. I don’t think it’s acceptable actually to get up and chuck away food. Lamb chops! My mother/grandmother would have gone spare if I’d put lamb chops in the bin, and I would if my kids did, they’re extremely expensic

Actually, I would say it absolutely is the norm, yes.

Tell him it annoys you. There could be any number of reasons he doesn't like what you cook. It may be you aren't that good, or he is picky. Plus cultural customs vary so I'd just be honest with him about it.

I spent part of my childhood in Spain and apart from the ‘international’ teenage food of pizzas, burgers, etc. the food is very different. This poor kid - Thai food and curries? Can’t you try potato omelettes, baguette sandwiches, maybe Cornish pasties? They all have Spanish equivalents.

What part of OP is being paid to act as this lad's guardian & HOST are you struggling with @RedPanda901?

FFS he is a child in a foreign country who can't understand his hosts, who don't speak spanish & haven;t bothered to try, blame him for being 'monosyllabic" & believe they are going beyond the call of duty because he has a TV in his room. (Probably because they'd rather he was conveniently out of the way in his room, so they don't have to bother communicating with him as they should be).

But you are acting on the assumption that he understands what you are saying. He doesn't!

That is what he is saying though but in Spanish.

He is speaking “que” translates in English but likely meaning it in the Spanish way which it would be “yes”.

He is learning English but he will still be thinking in Spanish.

@senua

"Imagine if one of us went to Spain and complained about 'that foreign muck there serve there'. "
Except he's actually not on mumsnet complaining about British food, he's just a child in a foreign country not eating food that he probably finds gross.

"MN would come down on you like a ton of bricks and yet this is precisely what this child is doing."
Except it really isn't.

"The whole point of this child being here is to learn about life in another country, including their food."
I agree, but just being sat in front of food you don't recognise or like every night for 3 months on end is a terrible way to achieve that.

Why has he been there so long? I feel for him, he must be awkward and unhappy. But sounds like you're doing your best OP. If he was that hungry he'd eat the food given to him. But I'd do burgers and steak a bit more regularly...