Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

359 replies

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:21

we did have a conversation a while ago about what food he liked and it was some kind of a deep fried thing with cheese in it? I looked it up but honestly it looked really complicated. I can remember there's both a sweet and savory version of it

I will take on the point that I should ask him again

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 16/12/2022 18:23

You mentioned a 'school' being involved OP - what is the arrangement you have? Maybe you can take your concerns to them who hopefully will find a place that will feed the kid

blackpearwhitelilies · 16/12/2022 18:23

Is he homesick? When I was a teenager I sometimes couldn't eat because I was trying not to cry? [though if he can eat pizza etc, that may not be the case.]
I agree with those who suggest adapting the food a bit. Even if he didn't have chips with it, shoving chicken or a burger under the grill would mean he at least eats.

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 18:24

every evening my own children say 'thank you for the dinner, may I leave the table' so he's heard that many many times and yet he will just get up, put the food into the bin and leave the room without saying anything!

& you're the bloody adult here, yet YOU don't say anything either.
Things like "you seem to throw every dinner away, what can we cook that you would enjoy? Come shopping with is this weekend, let's plan a menu we can all try together. Do you do any cooking at home? What's your favourite dish? Shall we get the recipe & try to make it together?"

You might even find he can say thank you, when he's presented with food he doesn't feel the need to throw away.

You are a HOST FAMILY OP - not a grudging B&B landlady.
Why not try ... hosting him?

RampantIvy · 16/12/2022 18:25

every evening my own children say 'thank you for the dinner, may I leave the table'

Really? I don't expect DD to do that, and I don't think most DC do that eaither.

MumtherofCats · 16/12/2022 18:27

"I've tried lamb chops, they went in the bin. As did the pork chops with mash, and the spanish beans recipe. Even the paella I made with saffron, and I followed an authentic recipe!"

Are you doing this all without his input? He's 15, why on earth have you not discussed this with him. Specifically saying something along the lines of "I want you to feel at home and I'm sure the food your family in Spain eats is different to what we eat here. We'd love to try some of your favourite Spanish dishes! What do you usually eat for dinner at home?" And go from there.

If his English is so "atrocious," why not ask in Spanish? If your Spanish is atrocious, perhaps Google translate might help...

I agree I'm starting to think this must be a wind up.

MeridianB · 16/12/2022 18:29

Ask him to cook a lunch or dinner so you can get a sense of what he likes?

Headaxhe · 16/12/2022 18:30

His English is absolutely atrocious by the way, I tried to talk to him last night about the parmigiana I made and he hadn't a clue what I was saying. I promise I have tried!
What were you trying to dicuss about parmigiana Confused if his English isn't good ask him via Google translate or ask him to show pictures of things he likes, take him to the shops and get him some basic snacks, sandwich supplies etc he would like for when he can't eat the meal

poytola · 16/12/2022 18:31

I feel sorry for the child. I would love to know why he is staying with you. He must be very homesick& you are very rigid in your attitude to meals.

MumtherofCats · 16/12/2022 18:31

"And my own DDs will say when they think something is particularly delicious."

But it seems like he doesn't find your food delicious because it isn't familiar to him. Which is what you took on when you agree to host a child in a foreign country. If you have no interest in understanding another culture or trying to communicate with someone who speaks "atrocious" English, I cannot for the life of me understand why you thought it would be okay to host a foreign child.

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 18:32

His English is absolutely atrocious by the way

Fucksake. No wonder the lad's miserable, nobody will give him food he can eat, & his hosts haven't bothered to keep their end of the bargain by improving his english through conversation.

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 18:33

In the three months he's been staying with you, have you really never taken him to the shops to pick out his own food and so he can show you what he likes?

ShandaLear · 16/12/2022 18:33

I don’t think you’re really cut out to be a host. Part of making someone feel welcome is serving them food they actually enjoy. I expect he’s thoroughly fed up. It’s a shame he’s rude about it, but 3 months of eating (to you) crap food would strain anyone’s bonhomie.

Dalekjastninerels · 16/12/2022 18:33

OP

For what it is worth I hated my Granny's cooking and could not eat it- so when we visited as a let's say 9 year old I was physically unable to eat it.

However I loved her very much; so sometimes not liking your cooking is just that.

She was an excellent baker- I still miss her delicious cheesecakes.

BigCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2022 18:34

RampantIvy · 16/12/2022 18:25

every evening my own children say 'thank you for the dinner, may I leave the table'

Really? I don't expect DD to do that, and I don't think most DC do that eaither.

Different rules for different homes, right? My kids (and fosters, when we have them staying) say a less formal version of the above.

Original poster
WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:34

@KettrickenSmiled we always ask him how his day is, try to talk to him about the football etc but when a person speaks in monosyllables it really is very hard.

OP posts:
MargotChateau · 16/12/2022 18:35

“every evening my own children say 'thank you for the dinner, may I leave the table”, sounds just like one of my family members, a humourless cow who’s children are afraid of her. The children are ever so polite but look miserable.

FEED THE CHILD YOU HAVE GUARDIANSHIP OF!! FFGS. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dalekjastninerels · 16/12/2022 18:36

P.S

I was never rude; I just said I wasn't hungry. Then I'd scoff the trifle. Granny was an excellent baker/ dessert cook.

LivelyBlake · 16/12/2022 18:38

He'll probably eat: very simple omelettes (just egg and salt basically), penne with tomato sauce and grated parmesan, egg and chips, baguette with ham (all types including serrano ham) and hard cheese (cheddar, manchego), fish and chips, roast chicken.

He'll probably like puddings specially the ones with chocolate.

georgarina · 16/12/2022 18:38

The whole point of staying with a host family is living like they do, not eating rubbish or food you have at home. YANBU. Imagine if this thread were about a British teenager turning their nose up at their host family's food and wanting burgers and chips instead...

Original poster
WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:38

So many of you are making me out to be some kind of witch! He loves the football so we asked him if he'd like to have his friends over to watch a Spain match and I got him a special HDMI adapter for his Mac so he could watch tv on an old tv that's in his room, I really do try to be a good host

OP posts:
Diverging · 16/12/2022 18:39

Things like "you seem to throw every dinner away, what can we cook that you would enjoy? Come shopping with is this weekend, let's plan a menu we can all try together. Do you do any cooking at home? What's your favourite dish? Shall we get the recipe & try to make it together?"

Phew I’m not sure I could cope with that incessant chatter!

Original poster
WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:40

@LivelyBlake he loves penne with a simple ragu actually, that's another thing he eats. We'd usually have that every couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 16/12/2022 18:41

Your food sounds delicious and I don't how much you should conspire to destroy his health with burgers and pizza.

But another problem with Spanish house guests is they eat at different times from the British. So they are starving when no food is on offer and then they've filled up on rubbish by the time dinner comes around.

I used to teach Spanish students in Dublin and I always taught about how important please and thank you are to us because it's not their fault they give a bad impression

Candlemas · 16/12/2022 18:42

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 18:19

@Candlemas every evening my own children say 'thank you for the dinner, may I leave the table' so he's heard that many many times and yet he will just get up, put the food into the bin and leave the room without saying anything!

And my own DDs will say when they think something is particularly delicious.

You've already said, his English is abysmal. So how does he know what your perfectly mannered children are saying?