AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

[WontEatMyFood]

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

The kid's not too young to feed himself. And if he's really hungry, he'll eat. Why do parents pander to children so much these days??

To be fair, you don't sound like the easiest host, and seem to have a slightly inflated opinion of your cooking!

The Spanish diet is much better than the British one and a lot more varied.

• 'Spag bol' (I hope you're not teaching him this horrible sort of English) - is not particularly exciting to eat and I doubt your version is authentic Italian cuisine.
• 'Roast Dinners - usually dry, bland, and rather dull. I do not understand the obsession English people have with them. If I never had another roast dinner in my life, I'd feel far from hard done by.
• 'Thai food' - Thailand is a rather large country with lots of different dishes, so no idea what you mean by this
• 'Indian curries' - as above - do you use jar curry pastes or packet mixes by any chance?
• 'pork casserole' - casseroles tend to resemble sick on a plate, so I can understand not everyone would find them appetising to eat. How many people go to a restaurant and really fancy a casserole? Explains why you never see them on a menu!

Pressed enter too early (apologies)

• 'Pasta linguine' - again, rather vague - do you use a jar sauce?
• 'Bean and sausage casserole' - rather as above - why would anyone really want processed meat with a tin of beans?

'Wolfed down like a savage' isn't particularly nice language, and as has been pointed out, the English do have a habit of overusing the word thank you, when let's be honest, most of the time they don't actually mean it.

You've given yourself a really hard task here. 15 year old boys are not known for their communication skills generally, throw in language and cultural differences and you've really got your work set out. Where in Spain is he from, we live in the south and it tends to be grilled chicken or pork with some sort of potatoes and a salad or little roasted veg on the side. Presumably you've tried to communicate to him that he's welcome to make a sandwich / take some fruit or whatever when he want?

She;s also said they can;t understand each other.

She hasn't tried very hard - how difficult would it be to google image pics of food, & start up a point & gesture 'conversation'?

She's not his parent.
He's paying guest. Who she dislikes.

While he's an exchange student, she's his defacto parent. And I don't think she dislikes him, she's just frustrated and upset she can't seem to get things to his liking, food wise. In any case, I still believe teenage boys will do as they please - he's probably eating all manner of junk when he's not at home, then turning up his nose at home cooked food. Trust me, he's not going hungry. If he were, his parents in Spain would on the phone to the exchange management quick smart!

Speculation only.

He's in a strange country, seems to be avoiding you, even at breakfast and has probably picked up that you don't like him. YABVU.Is he hungry, homesick and dreading the dinner table? Why not ask him if he would like to cook with you, or make a list, or go out for a meal to see if he is more relaxed away from your house?I think you should ask his parents for advice. Poor kid. 😎

And I don't think she dislikes him

Even though she says she does, AND that he gives her the rage, plus various other derogatory remarks?

This

You sound like you shouldn't be hosting him tbh

Probably because OPS not his parent, she's a host. Do you normally psrent 6our guests?

Hes a15yo boy in a strange country who doesn't speak much English! And living with a woman who clearly doesn't like him. Give the poor boy some food he likes ffs

Odd assumptions being made about how bad OP’s cooking must be. I’d go for some chicken florentine any time.

the point of a cultural/language exchange is to experience the culture - not to replicate your home environment. It would be kind and hospitable to avoid anything he really hates, and make his favourite for the family on occasion (like OP is doing), but it’s not reasonable for his preferences to dictate every family meal. And manners sometimes do have to be taught. ‘En esta casa we say thank you!’ - it’s not always obvious and part of being an exchange student is learning these things.

this seems like a really long exchange for a 15 yo though. Must be weird and lonely for him, food issue aside. Is he enjoying the weather?

Yet, she never thought to contact his family after three months of this or talk to the school. She has said she struggles to understand him and I doubt her frustration is hidden.

She has pretty much ignored nor seemed to have considered the cultural differences expecting him just to assimilate to a completely different culture as he learns English. A lot of the things that posters have pointed out could be found out with a simple google search if the time had been taken.

She should have been asking for some kind of assistance in the first week or two, not three months. That says more about her than it does about the teen.

I'm just as shocked at some of the responses on this thread as I am about the original post. Culture shock is real, it's very difficult even for adults, and this poor child needs support. I am sure that no one insisting this child is rude and should just suck it up has spent a significant amount of time living in another country even as an adult, nevertheless as a child.

Some of the responses sound xenophobic. It is okay for a kid from another culture to dislike English cuisine in the same way it would be okay for an English teen to dislike the food if they were in a foreign country. I'd hope no one with that type of worldview would be hosting a child living in a foreign country...but then there's OP who seems to have found herself in this situation. It is concerning from a safeguarding perspective.

Odd assumptions being made about how bad OP’s cooking must be. I’d go for some chicken florentine any time.

I don't think they are - many PP were raving sycophantically about the variety, & OP reckons she's a tidy cook. But it doesn't matter if she's Marco Pierre White standard - her GUEST doesn't like what is offered.

The definition of a good host is someone who makes their guests feel comfortable & welcome. This poor lad must be feeling neither.

well said @MumtherofCats. The palpable dislike & "like it or lump it" attitude coming off the OP makes me wonder about the screening process for hosts.

You'd think there's be a requirement for the host to be able to at least have a very basic conversation in the young guest's language. Op doesn't seem to have even tried to communicate. ("We tried but he doesn't understand us" kinda highlights your xenophobia comment huh.)

I think OP’s menu sounds quite varied and tasty. The lad is picky and loads of you here just bring up excuses for him.
Why did OP sign up to be a host? - you ask. Well, you can flip this question around and ask the boy why he agreed to travel abroad to live with a host family for three months if he is not even willing to try new dishes. He is being a princess.

You definitely should never be a host witht that attitude. Its cruel not feed the poor boy what he likes. Not being a"host" are you if you cant even cater to a teenager. Why cant OP make burgers or pizza? Or even ask him what he wants? Why be so rigid in your attitude? The boy is a teenager, they are almost the same everywhere. Dont forget OP is getting money to keep him. Not doing it for free. Not much but he is not eating for free. OP is happily cooking for her family but doesn't give 2 shits about the poor boy who is going hungry. Would you be happy if your teenagers were treated this way by another adult? Youd be the first one here slagging them off.

Thats what I wouldve thought. Some one seemingly not worried about a teenager going hungry and not being arsed to cook a damn burger shouldn't be a host. She also seems to be lacking basic communication skills and common sense

So you have invited a foreign exchange student into your house and you have not
1Asked him what he likes to eat and

1. Haven’t taken steps to accommodate his food choices into your families daily meal menu!

I’m honestly unsure why you have taken in an exchange student other than for the reason to say “look at me and how good I am”.

Anyone with an once or decorum and courtesy would get to know their guests and take steps to accommodate them. Especially if you are eating meals as a family. This teenager is still a child in a foreign country - instead of a pig headed approach “I’m not cooking separately” perhaps show some self awareness and consider incorporating some Spanish home cooking. For someone who “prides” themself on their cooking I would not consider this too much of an ask.

I’m shocked by your lack of self awareness here! Exchanges should be an opportunity for both families to learn!

Absolutely agree. The lack of self awareness is astounding!

If my child went to stay in a different country I’d be mortified if they wouldn’t try the hosts food. But then they are not fussy. I would also not want them to exist on burgers and pizza.

But then I wouldn’t get in the an exchange situation as I can’t think of anything worse than having another teenager in my house for 3 months plus!

Seriously…you want OP to feed her entire family for long months with pizza, chips and burger EVERY SINGLE DAY for the sake of this brat? This would have dire consequences on everybody’s health. This would be a terrible diet for the children and they would be throwing tantrums if their mum would try and feed them anything else in the future. OP already stated that if he chucked a pizza in the oven for Spanish boy every day, her children would be crying for the same thing and it would be a battleground around feeding time.
Spanish boy likes junk but he doesn’t need it. It is not a need to eat pizza and burgers every day, it’ a want. He is unwilling to even try anything else.
Why don’t you host him for a couple of months and change your entire family’s lifestyle around him just to accommodate him? You can always pm OP about it.

He has tried some of it though and has eaten what he has liked otherwise she wouldn’t have said he likes burgers and steak.

I don’t think he’s fussy and tbh I would struggle with OP’s menu even more so if it was plated for me, taking my choice away of how much I wanted because I eat barely half of those twice a month. I wouldn’t throw it away nor say I didn’t like it but I definitely wouldn’t eat much of it so she would likely come on MN and rage about me because her cooking is so amazing and I should “like” it because she thinks it is.

She shouldn’t have bothered being a part of the exchange if she only saw it as him learning English instead of it being a mutual learning experience.

She never thought to even ask for assistance and still hasn’t. He’s a teen yes, but he is still a guest and she should have been compromising a long time ago. She’s the one choosing to waste money over pride because she can’t fathom someone not liking her cooking.