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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed he thinks my food is disgusting?

359 replies

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

OP posts:
rosemarysalter · 17/12/2022 20:11

I cant bear the food at my in-laws in another country. DH hoovers it up. He assures me his family are excellent cooks with the finest ingredients

Theres nothing wrong with it. It's just different and not something im used to. Too
Meaty

My2pence2day · 17/12/2022 20:13

Well it's probably very different to him. I guess it would be if you went to a different country and were expected to eat something completely foreign to you. Probably something that should've been checked before he started staying with you

Megapint · 17/12/2022 20:14

Take him shopping with you. Buy what he likes & let him sort himself out. Easy

Judgyjudgy · 17/12/2022 20:15

CremeEggThief · 16/12/2022 16:17

I don't think being a host is for you, OP.

This

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 17/12/2022 20:23

Why did you sign up to be a host when you are so rigid in your food habits? I feel sorry for the poor lad going hungry, bet he cant wait to leave and go back home. You are being compensated for this arent you? why cant you cook stuff he likes? Why is so hard for you?

Sainte · 17/12/2022 20:41

Take him to the supermarket and find out his preference.
I still think good quality burgers or sausage on standby. Why are you placing food on his plate? As you say he’s not a child, let him place his food on his own plate. That way you’ll have no waste for the bin.
Perhaps not offer to have another student in the future.

Fairislefandango · 17/12/2022 20:50

Why did you sign up to be a host when you are so rigid in your food habits?

It's the OP's visitor who's rigid in his food habits. The OP is providing a decent range of meals. The visitor only wants to eat burgers and pizza.

fatchilli123 · 17/12/2022 21:09

Any chance you could persuade him to cook instead 🤣🙈

N1no · 17/12/2022 21:17

Your food sounds amazing and a lot of effet and expense gone into it. (My cocking is more like your menue of the last 2 weeks stretched over 6 month and the gaps filled in with veg soupe and salad- he’d be dead after 3 months!). I also agree with PP about throwing food away and especially meat and dairy. He shouldn’t put anything on his plate if he is not eating it. He seams to be extremely picky at home too. It’s not your food.
Ask him to cook one dinner per week. This might be the best thing he learns from his stay in the uk if it’s not English.

How good is your son’s Spanish? Could they communicate in Spanish instead?

KateKateLee · 17/12/2022 21:21

WontEatMyFood · 16/12/2022 15:25

Would you be offended if someone consistently didn't like your food?

For context, we have a 15 year old Spanish boy staying with us and each night pretty much his whole dinner goes in the bin. He also doesn't appear to eat any vegetables as he'll always pointedly pick them out and push them to the side of his plate.

He's with us three months now and it's actually making me dislike him!

I wouldn't mind but I really enjoy cooking and I actively have an interest in it so I know my meals are generally pretty tasty and they're also very varied (not modest I know!). Typical meals I'd make are; spag bol, roasts with all the trimmings, thai food, indian curries, pork casserole with apple, chicken florentine, pasta linguine, bean and sausage casseroles amongst many other things!

The only meals he appears to have liked are burgers and steak which he wolfed down like a savage.

Oh and he never says thank you for a meal.

He's giving me the rage! But I need to get a grip don't I?

This is what my two kids and husband are like. I don’t cook anymore. They are more vocal in telling me what they think of the food and I couldn’t take it anymore.

have you tried discussing what he does like to eat?

Velvian · 17/12/2022 21:33

Serve everything buffet style and give him a dinner plate to help himself to the bits he likes.

It can be really intimidating to be presented with a full plate of food. I struggle with it as an adult. Obviously I eat it and say thank you, that was lovely.

I think you do need to make sure that there is something he likes that he can fill up on at every meal, whether that's plain pasta or baked potatoes, he needs to eat something.

My DC are always far more likely to try a new thing from the middle of the table than if I were to put it on their plates.

KettrickenSmiled · 17/12/2022 21:36

N1no · 17/12/2022 21:17

Your food sounds amazing and a lot of effet and expense gone into it. (My cocking is more like your menue of the last 2 weeks stretched over 6 month and the gaps filled in with veg soupe and salad- he’d be dead after 3 months!). I also agree with PP about throwing food away and especially meat and dairy. He shouldn’t put anything on his plate if he is not eating it. He seams to be extremely picky at home too. It’s not your food.
Ask him to cook one dinner per week. This might be the best thing he learns from his stay in the uk if it’s not English.

How good is your son’s Spanish? Could they communicate in Spanish instead?

Soup & salad is a better prospect nutitionally than OP's typically British meat-based menus.

The lad isn't putting anything on his plate - OP serves up plated meals. Nothing wrong with that, but the boy can't be blamed for taking food he won't eat.

And of COURSE it's OP's food! Brits might find it wonderful, she might be an amazing cook, but this spanish boy DOES NOT LIKE IT. And instead of asking him what he does like, what he enjoys at home, what his favourites are, OP has allowed him to glumly scrape his plate into the bin nearly every night.

That's not hosting.

Why she hasn't bought a spanish cookbook, or googled some recipes & shared them with him to see what makes him light up is beyond me. They could have had fun trying to cook them together. Maybe even a bonding experience for him & his host family. But I get the impression OP is more interested in host fees than learning anything about this lad, or spain, or spanish food. Hence her bold admission of how annoying she find the whole thing, & him - almost like she isn't the adult here.

Bluedabadeeba · 17/12/2022 21:51

My husband is Spanish. They don't say please and thank you half as much as we do. In my family home, I'd thank whoever cooked for every meal, but in his, it just feels very strange to do so.

They also generally have a different set up (tapas is only in certain restaurants). They usually have 2 dishes, the first one is vegetables/pasta/salad etc then the 2nd one is usually literally a fried piece of meat or fish on it's own. They eat a lot of fried food and (not sure if this is normal) don't really use the oven much (MIL doesn't want to clean it, so just doesn't use it).😂

As a PP said, they have a HUGE variety of food/ meat/ fish... but I could also be down to him being a fussy teenager and nothing to do with him being Spanish! Although if my PILs ever come to visit, I am NOT doing any cooking as I know it won't be particularly well received as it's just so so different!

Can you get him involved (as a language exercise)? He can teach you some Spanish dishes? Cocina con carmen has Spanish recipe videos on YouTube.

monsta41 · 17/12/2022 21:57

tell him to supply and cook his own food or leave

LovelyIssues · 17/12/2022 22:05

I have a nearly teenager and she would also only eat the burger and pick at parts of the roast. Its obviously just different to what he's used to. Get him to write a list of meals he does like, it wouldn't give me rage! It would concern me I'm hosting a child who is barely eating poor lad

Dahliasandtea · 17/12/2022 22:09

I’d say he probably just hasn’t had decent food given to him before. I went to uni with a girl who had only ever eaten processed meat before and anything like a roast chicken or leg of lamb would make her feel sick…… but apparently SPAM was delicious!!! 😟

yanbu to be offended but if he staying a while longer maybe ask him what he likes and accommodate him. Otherwise his whole trip will be clouded for life with ‘I went toEngland and I hated the food’. Plus you’ll not waste so much food. Or money. Time and effort too.

KettrickenSmiled · 17/12/2022 22:16

monsta41 · 17/12/2022 21:57

tell him to supply and cook his own food or leave

What - & lose the income? It;s the only reason he's there!

Middersweekly · 17/12/2022 22:17

I live in Spain OP and I can assure you it’s not your cooking to blame. Spanish people eat very differently to British people and the teenage boy does sound quite fussy. Spanish people don’t eat much in the way of spicy food or large hearty meals like British people and most of their vegetable consumption is salad based rather than hot. They also fry a lot of their food in comparison. Try making chicken & cheese Quesadillas, tortilla patatas, chicken gujones, meat only paella if he doesn’t eat seafood and burgers/steaks if he likes those. Teenagers won’t starve. He will be grazing through the day no doubt.

Langpants · 17/12/2022 22:33

OP, sounds like you’re onto a winner adjusting the frequency of the meals he does enjoy. Well done for being a good human. I would have also been pretty frustrated though.

I can’t stop thinking about your pork casserole with apple. Please could you share your recipe?! x

SmokeyToo · 17/12/2022 22:47

Yep, he'd last five minutes in my house. I think you're going above and beyond for this kid and in NO way are you being unreasonable!

Katapolts · 17/12/2022 22:48

SmokeyToo · 17/12/2022 22:47

Yep, he'd last five minutes in my house. I think you're going above and beyond for this kid and in NO way are you being unreasonable!

Providing him with food he will eat is basics, not above and beyond. And she isn't even doing that!

Headaxhe · 17/12/2022 22:50

SmokeyToo · 17/12/2022 22:47

Yep, he'd last five minutes in my house. I think you're going above and beyond for this kid and in NO way are you being unreasonable!

How is it going above and beyond to cook the standard food she cooks anyway and not ask the boy himself properly what he likes to eat?

felulageller · 17/12/2022 22:52

Oh my goodness this reminds me of my french exchange!

I knew hardly any french and was starved when there. They never even asked me about food. They'd have their main meals at lunchtime. Whilst giving me just a sandwich. Then for dinner it'd be rabbit (!!!) Or a singular burger, with no sauce, chips, cheese, bun or just bread or a piece of chicken. I lost weight and was miserable.

Feed the poor boy!

Gemcat1 · 17/12/2022 23:04

Have you tried adding to your list of foods by trying a couple of Spanish dishes? The student would have been told to be polite and this behaviour is unacceptable because he is in someone else's home. He would have known that he would be offered different food and expected to try it. Spanish people may be known to be ruder than others but it doesn't mean that he has to be.

SmokeyToo · 17/12/2022 23:05

OP says she's asked him a number of times.