To feel irrational jealousy about a woman who my DP has never even met (but is meeting today)

[lucyellensmum]

In answer to my question i shall save you the bother of having to decide. Of course im being bloody unreasonable. So why is it i feel sick to my stomach.

DP is often praising up his mates wives for their achievements (so i know he is impressed by succseful women). I used to be an achiever and i used to be (imo) fairly good looking. That was a LONG TIME ago. Now i'm just fat and frumpy, bad skin, bags under my eyes, greasy lank hair (have anxiety about going to hair dressers so please don't tell me to pamper myself and get it cut!). I'm moody, irritable and basically a non achiever epimomised. I do his accounts for him, but basically that entails putting his receipts in a pile and giving them to the accountant. She SHE then sends them back all sorted with claims back on earnings that i coudlnt even imagine (that is a good thing).

So today, DP has a meeting with a woman who has her own property developing business in London. I've never even met or spoken to the woman, but i have a mental image of a Sarah Beany type, succsesful, but down to earth, smart but casual (tight jeans!) and an air of confidence about her, so basically - fucking sex on legs.

I trust my DP implicitly, i have no reason to question his faithfulness. I have always been 100% sure of him. But now he may develop a business relationship with this woman ( i know how this works, ive had flirty relationships with guys when i had a life worked). I just have a picture of him falling in love with her. And really, i can't blame him. What he has at home doesnt make him happy. Slops around in jeans or slacks bought from second hand shops, never wears make up, doesn't own any sexy underwear because it would just look ridiculous. Moans and whinges and is basically too knackered to talk after putting DD to bed, let alone anything constructive. Which would you choose?? Were you a man that is?

This meeting is really important, and could make a hugely positive effect on our business, but it is eating me up inside. I know im being ridiculous and hate myself for it, but in one way, its perfectly logical, isnt it.

can i just add any change to meds and titration need to be done in consultation with your CPN/Psych. it's not pick 'n' mix at woolies - wee bitty this, wee dollop o that

oh god...I meant my arm pits... I do not shave my arms!!

FF i guess we wont be seeing you here again tonight then? Ive just come on for a bit, he has the boxing on and i'm bored of it now. But its looking good, i refuse to initiate though - its been a week nearly , i get very tetchy when i dont get my oats

lol have not heard that expression in yonks
i presume ye dinnae mean porridge
get yer oats

LOL!!

No!! We are sat here on the sofa, he's watching TV... maybe later we shall sew our oats

Did dh tell you anything more about the mystery woman?

And I'd rather initiate a shag than go without Go on.... you know you want to!!

no no, although DP does make a mean porrige im off to watch the boxing, nothing like a bit of blood sport to set the adrenalin pumping

FF, i think i might just sit it out tonight, DP has been practising some of the things on the other thread wooohoooo

I SCORED!!!!!

I SCORED!!!!!

TWICE?!!!!?!?!?!?!

YEA BABY!!!!!

AND he came and gave me a big cuddle this morning and said "we should ^*"! more" unsolicited too

LEM Feeling a littel sheepish.

WOOHOO!!!!!

Go Girl!!!!!

Tonight & tomorrow night too... let's make it a hatrick

WOOHOO!!!!!

Go Girl!!!!!

Tonight & tomorrow night too... let's make it a hatrick

LEM is there anyway you can get some time to go horse riding again?
Never done it myself but i imagine that it would really lift your spirits to do something that you love.

Crocky, i would LOVE to go horse riding again. The trouble is, it is so expensive and if i were to go as a one off i know i would be bitten by the bug again. Its a shame really as when i was doing my phd i used to ride once a week, and it just used to blow the cobwebs away - i think it was the only time i could truly empty my mind.

One day though

Hatrick smacktrick - i'm going for the full week!!!! um, if i can keep awake

How about looking for a part-time job evenings or weekends in stables?? A friend of mine used to do it to get near the horses again and was often able to ride them.

hmmm, not sure i want to do it that much to be honest. I would like to, but DP worries that i will hurt myself, he's probably right Maybe in the summer i will have a few lessons again. My friend has a couple of horses but they are a bit too small for me, perhaps i should use that as motivation to lose weight!! For now, i will have to make do with riding DP did i just type that?

Thankyou all so much for your patience yesterday, i feel quite embarrased now. I do this alot, go on a real downer, self pity a go go. I am almost starting to think i am bi-polar. But then i would have thought that would make you REALLY bad. But then i thought that i wasn't bad enough for depression and i scored off the scale on counsellors test. Thats the thing, i have up days, and i am known for being OTT loud and up for a laugh. But when i go down, i go DOWN.

I dont know much about bi-polar dx but there is a thread somewhere about pete doherty having the condition and it seems you dont have to be 'really bad' as you put it. Might be worth lookign into, I know when I had depression/PND I had really bad days and some not so bad days, I woudnt profess to knowing anything much about the bipolar cond. My stepdad was diagnosed with manic depression when I was young and some days he was great, others he wasnt, but thats as much as I can tell you.

LEM, bipolar is a very long term thing, you can have ups & downs, but it usually has a long turnover. I mean, you can be up for a week & then have an OK time for a year... then be down again.. if it's happening a lot it sounds more like moodswings.

Bipolar & Unipolar are often mixed up, so read about both of them then head back to your doctor with your findings.

here

I know these things aren't tha great but I have just completed a module in bipolar/depression etc at uni & this is an online test I found... don't take it to heart, just have a read of it.

LEM, RESULT!!!!

Excellent!!

Don't be embarrassed about posting yesterday when you were so cheesed off.... if you hadn't shared with us, you would have been simmering inside with no one to offload to, and last night might never have happened

thanks for that firefly, i knew about the manic behaviour. I would say to be honest, that it doesnt describe me, although people do say i talk, and talk and talk and talk and talk. My counsellor says i talk very quickly, but to be honest i noticed i was talking quickly when i was talking to her, it was like i had to cram everything into an hour.

I was given a really good site by my doctor, that you might be interested in. It is an australian uni site. Its called moodgym. I will dig out the link for you. It is an online CBT course. I can't really get to grips with it, as i get bored with the characters. But you might find it interesting for study. I take it you are doing pyschology. I rather wish i did that instead of biochemistry. I took a module on psychology in my third year and found it really interesting. Mind you, was put off by the other students talking about all the statistics they had to do. I think i have an allergy to stats - although i found a site that would do most of the standard tests online when i was doing my PhD. I quite fancy doing a psychology degree, but i think my DP may well be unimpressed having kept me through 7 years of study I did the whole mature student thing too. I loved it, although i dont recall being so impressed at the time with ten million deadlines and exams. I still feel sick when i see an exam hall, even on the telly.

What year are you in? Do you enjoy it, ah, you clearly do

Heya, my degree is actually a joint one in journalism & psychology!!

Journalism is where my heart lies but I still have to listen hard & pass for the psychology modules too

I am in my final year now thank goodness. I am beginning my dissertation shortly, so will most likely stay away from mn at that time... I find my nights disappear very quickly when I am on here

I also have a very very good friend who has bipolar disorder. She also had borderline personality disorder & from her experiences I sort of know the way you feel. She said the manic part os really lovely.. she feels like she can rule the world, she knows everything & her was is the right way... thankfully this doesn't happen very often as she has her blood checked every other day & is in constant touch with her psychiatric nurse & social worker. She actually was sectioned a couple of years ago & as a result she in on the risk register so thankfully if she is on a "down" period, the nurse/SW knows to keep a close eye on her.

Obviously you know yourself best and if you think you don't tick the bipolar boxes then you can explore other avenues.

I really admire you, I love reading your posts & I think your dp is a very lucky man to have found you

To be honest, i may talk to my doctor about this - when i think back to how i used to be, i was a very OTT person. And i do have a history of depression and self harm as a teenager. Poor DP, hes lumbared with a fruit loop

awww, stop it firefly, you're making me blush . Can't say i have ever felt i could rule the world, but im a bossy mare. I honestly don't think i am bi-polar as i get the impression it is an all in illness, and you can't get a "touch" of it. But then, aren't we all a bit bi-polar from time to time.