Is this an awful present for a 14 year old?

[DobbleBobble]

I have 14 and 8 year olds, both get stockings and (small-ish) Santa presents plus presents / money from family. 14 year old has always been full of Christmas magic, never had a conversation about no Santa, last time he asked was 4 years ago and I just reminded him how much he loves the build up and if he doesn't believe he will lose that (8 year old has never questioned, I don't think she ever had any Christmas magic although she still loves the holiday and is my best bet for watching a Christmas film).

So, scene set, my 14 year old doesn't want anything for Christmas, there are a couple of things he wants but to do with computer games and he is very aware that it's all a rip off and he doesn't really want to spend money on it. He has chocs, a t-shirt and a couple of things he might like plus money and probably a computer voucher from family, but his stocking is quite empty (compared with sisters and previous years) and I'm thinking rather than trying to fill it I put a note from Santa (obviously he knows that is me although we haven't discussed it) saying he's growing up, nice to see he appreciates what he has, stocking a bit empty, no child should be without gifts so hope he likes what has been chosen for him and Santa has given an extra gift of xxx to a child whose family can't treat them like his can.

I feel happy with that and I think he would be but what do you think, is it Christmas ruined for a 14 year old and what on earth do I do instead if it is?

Actually, I think the gaming voucher is perfect for his stocking. IMO stockings should be filled with a few little surprises/trinkets, upgraded versions of normal items they like and use, favourites that are just for them with no obligation to share (eg fancy sugary cereal or their favourite chocolate), and a few things they don't need and know you think are a waste of money but really want. My DCs are younger, so I've always used the latter as 'proof' FC exists: "Well that's a bit naughty of FC. Nail varnish/perfume/etc! I'm sure he must know you're not allowed that!" or "Blimey! He's given you a couple of [Lego/Playmobil] blind bags! He's clearly got deeper pockets than us!" (I otherwise refuse to pay £3.50 for a single Lego person!). Last year DD1 got the ridiculously overpriced Harry Potter Chocolate Frog and Every Flavour Beans that she'd been coverting and I'd spent months describing as a complete ripoff 😬 (I wasn't wrong, but they made her very happy!) Once DCs no longer believe, I fully intend on keeping up this as an 'in' joke. Stockings are the easiest to buy for I find. They are mostly consumables.
In your case OP, I agree with PPs that your DS is parroting your opinions/saying what he thinks you want to hear. Keep the magic alive by putting in a few things like game currency.

Yes. And then they get presents from their family, including us.

“Happy Christmas, son. Here, at bottom of your mostly-empty stocking is a note inexplicably pretending to be from Father Christmas, informing you that he (we) didn’t buy you many presents and instead have given the money we’d have spent to charity. But it’s ok, you’ll get just as much enjoyment from this note, and from watching your little sister open all of hers.”

Forget the idea that he has to have a stocking bulging with toys.

At his age, he can understand and appreciate that you’ve spent an equal amount of money on him and his sister, regardless of whether she has lots of “big” toys and he has a voucher, a small game or a ticket to a theme park.

You could even set up a bank account for him with a small amount of money. Let him enjoy being more grown up!

You are doing him a huge disfavour by expecting him to play along with a letter from Santa.

im finding this so odd. Do you actually believe he’ll think Santa has written to him?

Oh god no, cut all that, just fill the stocking, it can be anything you know he likes - plus maybe beanie hat, gloves, socks, bath/shower stuff, phone charging bank, chocolates, favourite sweets or whatever. Not from Santa obviously, but from you. Just make sure you fill it, if you can.

His sister has a book. Oldest won’t read a cereal packet, I’ve tried everything

He probably won’t want to read a letter in his stocking then 😂

Also have 14yr old boy who also doesn't want anything for Christmas, but managed to wheedle out a couple of 'wants' out of him over the past week or so. Stocking ideas are very hard for boys, but I'm going to do some home-made vouchers for his favourite take-away as one. Perhaps an idea you could adapt for your lad?

Easy to fill a stocking up —- socks, stationery, book, toiletries — even something like posh drinking chocolate and a Xmas mug.

I don't have a view on whether or not you should play along with the "Santa is real" stuff.. your family, your call.

But I do think it looks lame to announce that you have given half the value of his stocking budget to someone else without asking him because you couldn't be bothered to think of what else to put in it and I also think you need to use your imagination a bit.

The comparision with a sibling who has a full stocking is just unkind and you seem quite defeatist about the whole thing. Stocking presents don't have to be amazingly on point, they are throwaway gifts. You can fill half of it with sweets if you must but for God's sake don't leave him with a note basically admitting you couldn't rise to the challenge. He will feel hurt and overlooked.

My son is 30 and he still gets a stocking from me. 😂

I think you can ask to have money to charity instead of your own gift. But doing it for someone else just feels wrong. It's an enforced virtue. I think he'll just feel bad because he isn't the moral paragon you so obviously want him to be. A 14 year old still has virtually no money of their own, no way of getting money and still has delight in presents.

I just found the list of what I got my son when he was 15 for his stocking:-

• cable tidy
• darts
• curry cook book
• geometry set
• top gear magazine
• satsuma
• 4 coloured biros
• boot buddy (for cleaning footie boots)
• Anker wireless earphones
• Space dust
• jelly beans
• X box token
• DVD (I have bought Amazon films too)

Hope it helps

Match what you have spent on your 8 year old with money and let him decide what to do with it. No point in buying for the sake of it when he doesn't actually need it. He can get more for his money in the sale's after Christmas.

8 year old, I don’t think she ever had any Christmas magic

still perplexed by what this means?

You seem so hung up on Christmas magic and Christmas being “ruined” without it.

Well yes but hopefully you don’t still pressure him to write Santa a list, tell him he’s spoilt Christmas if he doesn’t believe and leave hand written letters from the guy nestled in the bottom of the stocking.

Both the note and having a half empty stocking compared to your sisters full one are awful! Just get a pack of socks, boxers, chocolate santa and smellies. Things that will get used, are as expensive/cheap as you want them and bulk the stocking up.

You need to treat your children equally. Even if 1 believes in Santa, they both do or both don’t.

Gift ideas/stocking fillers:
Aftershave
Hair gel/hair wax
Bed socks
Brief/Boxer shorts
Phone case
Headphones
Hot chocolate mug/gift set
Amazon voucher

This. Get him the computer things. It's what he wants I think he's parroting back to you your opinion on it for approval.

But that's what he wants.

Fave cereal or selection pack.
Pizza making kit.
Deliver voucher
Funny post it pack or notepad
Wallet
Hoodie
Pjs
Beanie hat with torch in it
Squeeze stress ball
Selection pack
Terry choc orange
Deodorant
Voucher for pulling out anytime takeaway night.
Jokes,prank,gamers book
Dvds
Cushion
Duvet set
Socks
Boxes
Water bottle
Gourmet Yule log or toffee pudding
Blue bulbs for when he's gaming or strobe light

Fill the stocking with snacks. Can be done without wasting a lot of money. Be creative and varied, seasoned nuts, chocolate,crisps, dried fruit.

Add socks, some nice shower gel, an amazon card etc

Don't do it! You're basically punishing him for not being grabby. If you can't fill the stocking just get practical stuff like others have said, shower gel, new hat/gloves/socks etc

Were you planning to give XXX amount to a child who’s parents can’t afford to buy them anything? Or was that just a pretend thing? How would you do that?

Giving charitably is a nice idea but talk to both your children about what you can do and actually do it.
And don’t pretend Santa though of it.

I think what you’re doing is fine. Not so sure about the letter but whatever you think is going to be fine.
My 17yr old son is autistic and really doesn’t like Christmas. He hates the surprise thing and also doesn’t like opening presents in front of people as he can’t pre-script what to say. For him, we’ve already bought him a second PC monitor and a camera tripod as his main gifts so on the day, we have given him…
fidget popper toy thing
Lynx gift set - bright green one
Nike Tshirt
bamboo socks without seams
box of maltesers
haribo
a Japanese knife for cooking
a chopping board (random I know)

You know your own child and if he says he doesn’t want anything, a few bits in his stocking like you’ve done is fine.

Actually gaming money is not wasteful. In fact its one of the most environmental and planet friendly gifts you can give. No packaging, no waste, no chemicals, no by products, no slave labour, storage, transport or landfill.
And who doesn't love opening lots of little stocking prezzies? There are plenty of useful things you can put in there as suggested by many upthread.

I totally agree with this. A big part of my DC’s presents this year is a £50 Roblox voucher each. Environmentally friendly and they get endless Hours worth of play for what they can purchase. People react like it’s such a waste because it’s not something ‘real’ they’re getting but in today’s world I think we need to shift our perception a little about gifts and how endless piles of crap and cardboard are increasingly damaging

Similar problem here - a teenager who is into computers, reads on a kindle and plays a lot of music. I don't consider sheet music to be a Christmas present because I will happily buy as much as he wants. Our family's stockings always have a satsuma, nuts and some traditional sweets (you know the retro ones like we had as kids - dibdabs, sherbet fontains, a gob stopper). By the time you have added in a ribs cube (my son is a ribs cube geek who can solve them all, but anyone can have a go). This year I have added a men's grooming kit. Last year he had tea tree oil face wash and spot treatment.