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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BFs farting

138 replies

trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 05:21

AIBU to be so out of BF because of his farting?

We've been together 6 years and have 2 toddlers. I love him in every other way but his constant farting literally makes my stomach twist in a knot with rage.

He knows I hate it but he doesn't seem to care or try to do anything to stop. I've suggested he goes to the GP incase he's lactose intolerant or something but never does.

Last night I ended up coming out to sleep on the sofa because he kept farting real wet ones and wouldn't stop despite me asking.

It really turns me off him.

OP posts:
Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:25

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:20

You wouldn't find someone wet farting next to you repeatedly repulsive?

Fair enough, but I think the average person would.

Show quote history

This is what is boiling my blood on this thread. Many people with IBD do have wet farts, frequently. It can be a huge source of insecurity, discomfort, embarrassment. Thankfully many of us have loving partners who understand and aren't repulsed my it.

It's a double standard for the OP to be repulsed by something that many of her fellow IBD sufferers struggle with. She should be more open minded and understanding of human bodily functions! She needs to lighten up.

She still hasn't said if her husband has been understand of her condition and her stoma.

Noonesperfect · 15/12/2022 19:27

My husband and I must be quite childish I guess, because we just laugh at each other 🤣. Saying that the beer farts are particularly gross. I remember my dad's after his weekly pub visit. 🤮

Growlybear83 · 15/12/2022 19:28

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:20

You wouldn't find someone wet farting next to you repeatedly repulsive?

Fair enough, but I think the average person would.

Show quote history

I'm sorry, but I would find it funny but then I have a bit of a toilet sense of humour. It also intrigues me why my husband ALWAYS lifts his leg when he farts. Is this a man thing?

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:28

WishIhadacrystalball · 15/12/2022 19:23

YABU everybody does it and holding it in just gives you a sore stomach. Fair enough you can at least expect him to check if it’s medical. I have Crohn’s disease and often need to fart. If my DH felt the way u did I’d tell him to do one!

Everyone wet farts in bed? Repeatedly?

Uh no. They don't. And if I found myself having a few accidental wet farts I'd be taking myself off to the loo to see if I needed something more.

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:29

trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:22

Oooh Dorset you're taking this all a bit seriously aren't you.

Of course I understand the symptoms of a condition I have lived through. Maybe luckily for me I could never risk farting because I'd shit myself and spent most of the time in the toilet passing the blood and mucous etc.

Of course he was supportive and I would be of him too if the shoe were on the other foot.

🤣 that hilarious! Yes I'm the one who's taking this all a bit too seriously says the woman who is so repulsed by farts she needs to post about it on the Internet 😆😆😆

Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:29

Noonesperfect · 15/12/2022 19:27

My husband and I must be quite childish I guess, because we just laugh at each other 🤣. Saying that the beer farts are particularly gross. I remember my dad's after his weekly pub visit. 🤮

The Guinness farts are the worst!

OP posts:
EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:30

Growlybear83 · 15/12/2022 19:28

I'm sorry, but I would find it funny but then I have a bit of a toilet sense of humour. It also intrigues me why my husband ALWAYS lifts his leg when he farts. Is this a man thing?

Show quote history

My 5 year old finds it funny. Me? Nah, id rather he just went and stunk the bathroom out rather than a shared bedroom.

goodmorningsunny · 15/12/2022 19:30

I get so angry at DH for farting. I deny him sex and tell him he smells like a homeless man if he does and he then remembers to go to the bathroom to do it :p

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:30

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:29

🤣 that hilarious! Yes I'm the one who's taking this all a bit too seriously says the woman who is so repulsed by farts she needs to post about it on the Internet 😆😆😆

Show quote history

Does typing 🤣 mean you're not serious?

🤔

Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:30

DorsetD - you're kind of missing the point but it's ok. Thank you for your input and opinion.

OP posts:
fifteenohfour · 15/12/2022 19:32

People here are so hung up on the farting, it could be any bodily function you can control but choose not to. Mine is sniffing, my partner sniffs and sniffs. It's a noise that is unnecessary and completely preventable. For my partner they HATE when I slurp food when I'm eating or drinking, so I don't do it, because it upsets them and I respect that, sometimes you can't control what pisses you and what doesn't. My partner blows their nose properly and doesn't sniff, because it's respectful to each other and costs nothing to do. Farting if you've had a particularly fibre rich meal is often unavoidable but to be farting all day loud farts enough to piss your spouse off that's not right, either take something for it, go get advice or stop. And we all know a fart, you can definitely hold them in or make them come out quiet. You can fart politely we all do it everyday in some way or another. It's not like you go out and hear everyone fart.

OP is there something that you do that pisses you're boyfriend off? Sometimes people feel less inclined to change a behaviour if they feel like well your not perfect either so why should i? It wasn't until I told my partner their sniffing drove me mad that they said they couldn't stand the sounds I made when I ate. If you let him say something annoying you do he might be more amenable to change.

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:33

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:25

This is what is boiling my blood on this thread. Many people with IBD do have wet farts, frequently. It can be a huge source of insecurity, discomfort, embarrassment. Thankfully many of us have loving partners who understand and aren't repulsed my it.

It's a double standard for the OP to be repulsed by something that many of her fellow IBD sufferers struggle with. She should be more open minded and understanding of human bodily functions! She needs to lighten up.

She still hasn't said if her husband has been understand of her condition and her stoma.

Show quote history

Her partner doesn't have IBD so what are you even on about?!

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 19:34

Noonesperfect · 15/12/2022 19:27

My husband and I must be quite childish I guess, because we just laugh at each other 🤣. Saying that the beer farts are particularly gross. I remember my dad's after his weekly pub visit. 🤮

I had bit unhappy belly and then went for beers and pizza. DH was texting me next morning from downstairs that he heard that ones just now🙈 i think it's combo of bear, bread and cheese for me.
Just an fyi B12 before and after is good hangover help.

fifteenohfour · 15/12/2022 19:36

@Dorsetdingle77 are you actually going to turn this around on OP and tell her because she has crones she has to be more accepting?? Why are you so stuck on the physical act of farting when it's not about that it's about communicating to your partner that they are doing something preventable that affects you and to completely ignore it, is disrespectful. It could be burping or blowing raspberries FFS that's not the point. The point is he can control it, he knows it annoys her and his refusal to curb the behaviour is disrespectful and shows lack of empathy.

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 19:38

goodmorningsunny · 15/12/2022 19:30

I get so angry at DH for farting. I deny him sex and tell him he smells like a homeless man if he does and he then remembers to go to the bathroom to do it :p

I always wonder if people saying these things for real realise that they basically say the sex is the only valuable thing they offer into the relationship...

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:41

fifteenohfour · 15/12/2022 19:36

@Dorsetdingle77 are you actually going to turn this around on OP and tell her because she has crones she has to be more accepting?? Why are you so stuck on the physical act of farting when it's not about that it's about communicating to your partner that they are doing something preventable that affects you and to completely ignore it, is disrespectful. It could be burping or blowing raspberries FFS that's not the point. The point is he can control it, he knows it annoys her and his refusal to curb the behaviour is disrespectful and shows lack of empathy.

Absolutely! I dont understand how anyone with IBD can be so uptight about farting!

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 19:42

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:30

Does typing 🤣 mean you're not serious?

🤔

Show quote history

No, it means I found the OPs reply to me really funny.

Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:51

fifteenohfour · 15/12/2022 19:32

People here are so hung up on the farting, it could be any bodily function you can control but choose not to. Mine is sniffing, my partner sniffs and sniffs. It's a noise that is unnecessary and completely preventable. For my partner they HATE when I slurp food when I'm eating or drinking, so I don't do it, because it upsets them and I respect that, sometimes you can't control what pisses you and what doesn't. My partner blows their nose properly and doesn't sniff, because it's respectful to each other and costs nothing to do. Farting if you've had a particularly fibre rich meal is often unavoidable but to be farting all day loud farts enough to piss your spouse off that's not right, either take something for it, go get advice or stop. And we all know a fart, you can definitely hold them in or make them come out quiet. You can fart politely we all do it everyday in some way or another. It's not like you go out and hear everyone fart.

OP is there something that you do that pisses you're boyfriend off? Sometimes people feel less inclined to change a behaviour if they feel like well your not perfect either so why should i? It wasn't until I told my partner their sniffing drove me mad that they said they couldn't stand the sounds I made when I ate. If you let him say something annoying you do he might be more amenable to change.

Hmmm hadn't thought about it like that. I'm sure there is, not that he's ever said.

I'll ask him.

Good point so thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:53

fifteenohfour · 15/12/2022 19:36

@Dorsetdingle77 are you actually going to turn this around on OP and tell her because she has crones she has to be more accepting?? Why are you so stuck on the physical act of farting when it's not about that it's about communicating to your partner that they are doing something preventable that affects you and to completely ignore it, is disrespectful. It could be burping or blowing raspberries FFS that's not the point. The point is he can control it, he knows it annoys her and his refusal to curb the behaviour is disrespectful and shows lack of empathy.

Exactly this.

Dorsetdingle you're too hung up on the IBD thing.

OP posts:
WishIhadacrystalball · 15/12/2022 19:53

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:28

Everyone wet farts in bed? Repeatedly?

Uh no. They don't. And if I found myself having a few accidental wet farts I'd be taking myself off to the loo to see if I needed something more.

Show quote history

There’s a difference between a wet fart and shitting the bed. Wet farts sound wet doesn’t mean he’s leaving a million streak marks on the bedsheets 😂 Wet farts are not sharting.
Like @Noonesperfect we must be childish because we have a laugh about it. I couldn’t live with someone if I was unable to fart.
I cannot wait to share this thread with DH he might shit himself laughing.

Bepis · 15/12/2022 20:14

@WishIhadacrystalball a million streak marks on the bed 🤣🤣. DH and I always fart in bed, we aren't really bothered.

Dorsetdingle77 · 15/12/2022 20:16

trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 19:53

Exactly this.

Dorsetdingle you're too hung up on the IBD thing.

Show quote history

I just can't get my head around it that's all. Your DH sounds like he's been really supportive of your condition. Having a stoma can really impact on someone's self esteem, so many people hit relationship problems, have issues with intimacy, self esteem etc and not just those with a stoma but IBD in general can cause so many mental health problems because people feel embarrassed, ashamed, vulnerable.

It sounds like your DH has loved and supported you through it all, as has mine and I love him all the more for it. He's never made me feel embarrassed or uncomfortable for that noxious fart, that loud bowel rumble, the times Ive shit myself. He's never once made me feel that any of that has repulsed him or given him the ick.

I just can't get my head into the mindset of someone who's been through the same things then turning around to there DH and saying 'actually, your farts really repulse me'.

Just love him, farts and all as he has done you.

Stomacharmeleon · 15/12/2022 20:33

As a fellow stoma bag person with Crohn's disease, short bowel and dumping syndrome I am with @Dorsetdingle77

You have to be fairly ambivalent about bodily functions to be ok with a bag. It's had a huge effect on my relationship and tbh I have issues with my bag on an hourly basis. It has popped three times tonight with all the assorted smells and grotty bits.

In the grand scheme of things farting wouldn't bother me. And you know.... people in glass houses etc!

WishIhadacrystalball · 15/12/2022 20:35

@Bepis exactly!!

Stomacharmeleon · 15/12/2022 20:35

Dp regularly takes the 'credit' for me smelling like a sewer in public places when my bag pops.... shop in Brighton... the tube in London....