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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BFs farting

138 replies

trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 05:21

AIBU to be so out of BF because of his farting?

We've been together 6 years and have 2 toddlers. I love him in every other way but his constant farting literally makes my stomach twist in a knot with rage.

He knows I hate it but he doesn't seem to care or try to do anything to stop. I've suggested he goes to the GP incase he's lactose intolerant or something but never does.

Last night I ended up coming out to sleep on the sofa because he kept farting real wet ones and wouldn't stop despite me asking.

It really turns me off him.

OP posts:
Soproudoflionesses · 15/12/2022 08:04

This would give me the ick!!

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 08:11

MolliciousIntent · 15/12/2022 06:51

Farting is not abuse.

Show quote history

Fuvking hell.
Farting is abusive.
Some people here are really ridiculous and I don't know how some survive in the wild out there 🙄

Probiotics and prebiotics could help. I have occasional ibs like flaire ups and whoa.
Pre and probiotics help.
But we still fart normally without running away because 1 fart is better than 100 doctors. Just when this flares up, it's a different matter.
Normally isn't non stop.

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 08:12

I don't expect him to sit on the toilet to go and fart, but why does he only do it in-front of me? He doesn't do it at work. I don't find it funny.

You also don't do things like be at work in joggers or get naked and go to bed😂
It's not comparable.

Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 08:33

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 08:12

I don't expect him to sit on the toilet to go and fart, but why does he only do it in-front of me? He doesn't do it at work. I don't find it funny.

You also don't do things like be at work in joggers or get naked and go to bed😂
It's not comparable.

I would if I could

OP posts:
Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 08:33

Ladyof2022 · 15/12/2022 07:49

Tell him if he does it again, no more BJ.

Then no nookie of any sort.

Oh trust me! My face isn't going anywhere near that direction at the moment.

OP posts:
Toloveandtowork · 15/12/2022 08:39

It's like dogs and lamp posts. He's got some inner urge to mark his territory.

FleasNavidad · 15/12/2022 08:57

"Sorry OP but you saying ‘real wet ones’ has me in fits of laughter"

Really? Hmm

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/12/2022 08:58

NessieMcNessface · 15/12/2022 05:43

i just couldn’t live with this; it’s so disrespectful. If he had a genuine medical issue it might be different but even then, it wouldn’t excuse his totally uncaring attitude towards you. If he loved you he would try to modify his behaviour but that doesn’t seem to be a likely scenario. He knows he upsetting you but isn’t bothered about it which indicates he’s exercising power play and control. You’ve asked him to modify his gross behaviour and he is deliberately continuing to do it, showing you who’s boss and putting you in your place. Therefore it would be ultimatum time for me. I take it he doesn’t do this at work, or in front of other people; it’s a behaviour he keeps just for you.

Very much this.

HikingforScenery · 15/12/2022 09:04

I find children farting funny although mine don’t think it is anymore so don’t do it in front of me.

I’d find nothing funny about my partner doing it this much. It sounds really gross and would put me right off him. Really disgusting. He needs to look at how to reduce it, considerably.

twoandcooplease · 15/12/2022 09:06

Is he looking for a reaction? Obviously it's not the one he's wanting as you don't find his farts funny but is it his awful sense of humour?
I don't think he's hearing you when you tell him it's not funny. So let him know it's now becoming disrespectful and it's upsetting you and see what he replies?

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 09:08

Everyone passes wind, it's unfair to expect them to get up and go the toilet every single time.

YABU and a little uppity.

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 09:10

trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 08:33

I would if I could

Show quote history

And he would fart if he could.

Pondere · 15/12/2022 09:16

I had this issue with DH. I made three points that persuaded him to stop farting in front of me.

I asked him if he farts in front of his mum, so why does he feel it’s ok to fart in front of me.

I also explained that when he knows it’s something that I don’t like it, it’s really disrespectful to me to keep doing it.

And the third point was I found it really unattractive and a real turn off, and I don’t want to find my husband unattractive so soon into a marriage.

He came around and now doesn’t fart around me. I hear him farting when he’s in the next room, but I’m not going to hold that against him.

Pondere · 15/12/2022 09:18

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 09:08

Everyone passes wind, it's unfair to expect them to get up and go the toilet every single time.

YABU and a little uppity.

So you fart in front of your colleagues at work? Or in front of friends? Or your parents?

twinmum2022 · 15/12/2022 09:21

CurlewKate · 15/12/2022 06:48

There are lots of ways men can be abusive. This is one of them. I would put good money on it not being the only way.

Do you want your DS to grow up thinking this is OK behaviour?

Sorry... are you equating farting to abuse? Even for MN that's a reach 😂

CurlewKate · 15/12/2022 09:24

No. I'm saying that persistently doing something that your partner finds gross and upsetting despite being asked not to and which you can control in other circumstances is abusive.

twinmum2022 · 15/12/2022 10:07

CurlewKate · 15/12/2022 09:24

No. I'm saying that persistently doing something that your partner finds gross and upsetting despite being asked not to and which you can control in other circumstances is abusive.

This is really harmful and watering down actual abuse you know... not everything someone does that you don't like is abuse...

People don't have to change a relatively harmless habit just because someone doesn't like it - that doesn't make it abuse.

People with partners who smoke, which they don't like and won't stop... is that also abusive?

Safferssnow · 15/12/2022 10:15

Yes @FleasNavidad it’s called having a sense of humour - try it sometimes

but seriously it’s a tad disrespectful
he should try to remedy it.

Original poster
trampoline123 · 15/12/2022 12:15

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 09:08

Everyone passes wind, it's unfair to expect them to get up and go the toilet every single time.

YABU and a little uppity.

I shit in to a bag, the last thing I am is uppity 😂

OP posts:
Whatonearth07957 · 15/12/2022 12:41

Charcoal tablets, charcoal pants and make a fuss each time it's done in front of you fabreze spray him down each time... Reactive training 😷😆

pharmachameleon · 15/12/2022 12:57

I would find that utterly disgusting. How do you keep the magic alive in a relationship if he farts in front you all the time? You wouldn't do this in work or in front of friends, so why do it in front of your partner? I've been with my DH for 27 years and both of us have never knowingly farted in front of each other. It would make me sick to be honest.

Pothoswithasparkle · 15/12/2022 12:59

Why do people keep comparing home to work😂
That would be pretty sad way of living if you had to treat people at home as boss or colleagues in professional setting tbh

Fusciainertia · 15/12/2022 13:01

I think a lot of work places men fart in front of eachother: warehouses, garages, aeroplane

CurlewKate · 15/12/2022 13:08

The references to work are simply to point out that he can control his farts if he wants to. He just doesn't want to. Despite knowing that it upsets the person he loves.

10HailMarys · 15/12/2022 13:24

CurlewKate · 15/12/2022 09:24

No. I'm saying that persistently doing something that your partner finds gross and upsetting despite being asked not to and which you can control in other circumstances is abusive.

It's still not abuse. It is not 'abuse' to refuse to bow to your partner's every preference.

Also, yes, people can control farting up to a point, but it's not actually very healthy to do that all the time. The gas has to go somewhere, and holding it in constantly can be really uncomfortable and cause cramps etc. Part of the reason that some people fart a lot at home is because they control it all day at work.

If he needs to fart way more than the average person then yes, there may be a digestive issue there - something to do with his diet, or an irritable bowel type condition - but I can see why someone wouldn't want to go to the doctor and say 'I fart all the time and my wife thinks it's gross' because it sounds both trivial and embarrassing.

I can totally see why the OP hates it, but I don't think it's abusive in the slightest and I also think that when you live with someone, bodily functions are kind of part of the deal. If he was doing the horrible thing of farting and then laughing or saying 'Get a load of that' or doing it in her face then yeah, that's appalling, but if he's just got wind and has to let it go, then that's not really a crime.

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